Please help me understand

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by 1derkind, Mar 17, 2009.

  1. 1derkind

    1derkind New Member

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    This is kind of an offshoot to my “Is it cheating?” thread, and anyone who’s read that already knows the story- we're both 18, my boyfriend went to a party, got wasted, everyone was screwing everyone else, he ended up getting a blowjob off his ex, etc.
    I’ve already decided to go ahead forgive my boyfriend (now actually my fiancé) for that incident, but still, there’s the fact that I just can’t understand why. Why did he do it? Why did it happen? Does alcohol really impair your judgment to the point where you will allow yourself to cheat on the person you claim to be madly in love with with someone you claim you despise and who repulses you (as he claims his ex does)? Was it mostly him or was it mostly the alcohol? Why is it that he didn’t just stop her from touching him period? I mean, I KNOW, I know for a fact that he has no real feelings for this girl, that he doesn’t find her attractive at all (regardless of the fact the he dated her directly prior to me; their relationship lasted for 2 weeks and he claims in retrospect that it only happened at all because he was alone at the time and she was making herself available), and yet, he allowed her to give him a blowjob while drunk, thus putting himself in a position where he could’ve potentially ended his relationship with me, whom he claims to love immensely. Why? Why did he do it? Like I, said, was it mostly him or was it the alcohol? Maybe I’m just naïve or inexperienced or both, but I can’t understand it, so maybe someone here can offer some insight that will help me do so.
     
  2. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    No one can answer that question... just like no one can answer the question of why did your boyfriend stayed with you after you assaulted him.....

    I will take a stab at it however ;)

    You're young and scared and don't want to be alone.....so both of you are staying together out of fear of being the loser at home alone on a weekend....
    Lets look at the facts
    Your 18 and just finding out who you are etc etc
    Your boyfriend got a BJ from his ex girlfriend.... (I'm probably guessing a lot more happened... there would be no way I would be giving out BJ's unless it was in exchange for some very 'heavy petting'
    He told you he got a BJ and you assaulted him
    He got scared (either of losing you/being alone/or for his safety) and proposed.... or
    He felt guilty and proposed. Did he ask your parents for permission prior to any of this happening? Did he propose with an engagement ring or was it just words and 'he'll buy you something nice when you can afford it'

    All of the above does not show me that you two are in a healthy relationship........ he will continue to get BJ's etc from ex's/random women and you will continue to assault him when he wants to clear his conscious and tell's you....

    What is worse, kissing, oral or sex? Kissing and oral is such an intimate sexual act... I'd be far more pissed at my hubby kissing another woman than having sex or if he went down on another woman.... grrr I'd be angry...... sex is sex...... (all of this is my opinion)
     
  3. loveit247

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    This is what happens when children want to play house.
     
  4. Dreama

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    LOL, Loveit. From the sound of your other thread, it seems like you both are too immature at this point to be in a relationship. People don't hit the ones they love.
     
  5. Barbwire

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    Yeah, booze will make folks do things they would not normally do, things like murder, rape, and beat on people. All you have to do is make sure your boyfriend doesn't ever drink again and all of your problems will be solved. :eyes

    That sounded silly, right? Well, so does the history you have presented about your relationship with your b/f. Let me see if I got this straight, he dated a girl for 2 weeks and obvisously, fucked her. Then he dumped her, jumped into a relationship with you and within two weeks was telling you he was madly in love with you...........then he got a bj from his ex. The two of you continue to date for 4 months, he tells you he fucked up, you beat on him, he proposes and you say, "yes".

    That's one fucking funny story, alright.
     
  6. 1derkind

    1derkind New Member

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    but this girl is a WHORE, there's no other way of putting it. i live in one of the most sexually-liberated cities in the country, but this girl is known in several circles i run in as being straight-up nasty. she's one of those girls with such low self-esteem that she latches onto any male who shows the slightest interest in her and sleeps with anyone in an effort to try and validate her attractiveness (this is going to sound incredibly conceited, and i know this, but the fact is, physically, she's got nothing on me). from what i've heard about sexual performance, she doesn't even LIKE having sex and she's terrible at it, but she likes the idea that there are men out there who find her attractive enough to have sex with her, so she goes for it with pretty much anyone.

    no, he gave me a ring. not the most expensive ring, i know that much, but it's a ring.


    what strikes me most about this whole thing is how much he very clearly just does not like this girl in any way, shape, or form, however, that's one of the things that keeps me from understanding why it happened in the first place.
    it would've made me feel a lot worse had he admitted to showing any affection for her, which includes kissing, but from what he tells me, he basically just didn't stop her from climbing on him and popping his dick into her mouth. like, i said, no affection, and he hates her, so why did he let her do it?
     
  7. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    u are just going to go around in circles until you hear the thing that you want to hear.... I don't know why you even ask questions as we all give you our opinion on it and you don't even read it......

    I'll give you what you want ... cause your starting to annoy the F out of me!!!

    'He never liked her, he loves you, your the best, your better looking... this girl is obviously a slut, you guys are so mature in your love for each other, you do not partake in domestic violence, your relationship will last until you are both old and grey, you are the better lay' oh and her is another one for you 'I predict you will win the lotto in a few years so you guys will never have to work again'
     
  8. lbushwalker

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    1derkind, I tend to agree with the others on this issue.
    As a male I have been in situations, under the influence of alcohol which have let my guard down and therefore done things when sober I later regretted. Alcohol does have the affect of relaxing normal control and logic but frankly if I hated or even disliked a woman then being drunk would only make that feeling more acute and there is no way on earth I would stick my member in her mouth lest she hurt my most prized piece of anatomy let alone get an erection in the process. So go figure.
    BTW this woman whom you loathe is not a whore. Whores are smart enough to be paid to get laid.
    By all accounts she is lonely, has a very low self esteem and needs guys attention and willing to get it in any way possible including appealing to their most basic male instinct. She is to be pitied not despised.
     
  9. 1derkind

    1derkind New Member

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    i'd have to say you're the one with problems if you're letting someone over the internet get to you like this.
    all i really want is honest advice and opinions and i'm just trying to present the facts as accurately as possible. i AM really reading what people have to say, but i want people to be aware of all the details so i feel like their opinions are well-informed.
    there should be nothing about that that annoys anyone.
     
  10. loveit247

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    Here is some honest advice.
    Break up with your boyfriend and spare the poor boy the harrowing pain you are about to put him through.
    Take yourself off and grow up!
    Stop judging others! This girl is no more a whore then your boyfriend is. It takes two to tango!
     
  11. Barbwire

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    Although my replies are generally ignored by by you 1derkind, I'm going to offer you my thoughts.

    Do you understand the difference between love and lust? Does your boyfriend? It's often said that love will make you do crazy things, but I think lust brings about behaviours that are truly insane...getting engaged after dating for only 4 months, for example.

    Instead of wondering why your b/f got drunk and let a "whore" suck his dick, maybe you should be trying to figure out if either one of you understands what love really is.
     
  12. Mephisto

    Mephisto New Member

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    It does not sound like this is gonna work out for you two. If he's cheating already, call it a day and move on. You are both young and if I were you,i'd have a bit more experience with guys before you end up thinking about all your missed opertunities
     
  13. Dreama

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    Dude, it's like this. Your boyfriend must not have hated her too much, because he let her blow him. We at least know he likes her enough for that, so he can't hate her. Have you ever heard the Shakespearean saying, "Methinks thou doth protest too much"? It means, that when you deny something to yourself or others, it starts to sound like you don't actually believe what you claim. Why do you have to tell us over and over that you KNOW he hates this chick, if you do indeed know it so well? Plus, at this point, you two sound like you are infatuated with one another, not in love-people in love don't do the things you all do to one another, especially on the violence end.
     
  14. nasty

    nasty New Member

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    The term beating a dead horse comes to mind, but;

    I have hesitated to reply to this topic for some time now, but here is what I have to say. Having been in the Navy for 4 years and a borderline alcoholic at times, getting a few drinks in you does not help you to make good decisions. He may or may not have been attracted to her. The term beer goggles applies in this case. The fact that he wishes to be honest about this speaks volumes for his trust in you, but does not change what he did.
    The fact that you reacted with violence is not an acceptable behavior. nuff said.
    Loss of control resulting in violence is not acceptable for either sex. Abuse is the same no matter the sex.

    Best advice I have for both of you is to take a break from each other and start over.

    This part bothers me more than any of this. Judging someone based on their actions is natural, but it is ugly when you lash out with it.
     
  15. loveit247

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    but he gives really great oral guys! So it doesn't matter if he cheated, or if she is abusive or if they don't even love each other! :jerry
     
  16. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    Yes I do have problems, I wasted 4 minutes of my life reading and writing a response to you..... I'm bashing my head against a brick wall here... I hope the two of you have a safe and healthy life together!!!
     
  17. Blacklongstrong

    Blacklongstrong New Member

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    i agree with wat rocket is saying......and it seems like a good portion of the problem is getting drunk. thats why i stay away from girls who pride themselves on gettin trashed.
     
  18. Jo G

    Jo G New Member

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    He wouldent have had a hand job from the whore if you satisfied his needs earlier that night.

    Sorry but I want you to see things out of other perspectives, cause like others have said, you are going around in circles with this.

    Peace......
     
  19. Dreama

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    Now, wait a darn second. I don't really agree with a lot of things that the OP has said, and I think both her and her boyfriend's actions were deplorable. You can't blame his actions on her-you make your own choices in life, and his were to get oral from some chick-and that had nothing to do with being 'satisfied' or not. It isn't a girlfriend's job to make sure he's satisfied, that's his job, and it's not fair for you to pin what he did on her. His actions are in no way her responsibility.
     
  20. Jo G

    Jo G New Member

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    Dreama, in a sense I still agree with you. But the aim of my post was to make her think out of the box. In an earlier post I did lay it out, he made mistakes, and she made mistakes. So how to go on with their lifes..... see things from another perspective.... and realy that was my only objective with the post, and not to pin the blame on any one of them.