Please advise: Going outside the relationship, physically.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by schwa'd, May 16, 2007.

  1. schwa'd

    schwa'd New Member

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    What are some of your experiences with open relationships? Here's some of the scoop: been together 4 years, lived together 3, plan long term goals and always speak future tense. We're best friends, never talk about breaking up (like I know some couples do), and we get pretty freeky in bed. So if we've fucked each other 10 ways from Sunday (his words), whats so wrong with sleeping with someone other than each other? Not being whores of course, but if the opportunity arises....
    This is never been something I thought was okay, however it's come up lately, and I seem to be cool with it. Plus, this chick was all over him at a bar and I was just kinda watching from a far and thought it was pretty humorous how unconcerned I was....so anyway, what do ya'll think?
     
  2. loveit247

    Gold Member

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    Whatever blows you hair back I say!
     
  3. heelfetish

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    So long as both of you are OK with it, fill yer boots! :tup
     
  4. HouseHunny

    HouseHunny New Member

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    Open relationships are not for everyone, but if it works for you then I see nothing wrong with it. You were able to test the waters a little bit when seeing him at the bar, so if that did not get to you, it might just work. This is something you really will not have a definite answer until you try it and see if you actually do like it. We have considered swinging in the past; but, just the sight of him with another woman makes my heartache, I can not handle it. Kuddos to you :)
     
  5. enthusiast

    enthusiast New Member

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    I guess it depends on either one of your emotional feelings for each other. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't go with someone else, but I would never want my gf to be open with other people and I, alike could never go and sleep with someone else.

    This is only because I feel very emotionally attached to my gf. We have a bond, like trust and faith that makes you feel wanted or treasured.

    It is fair to say that everyone is different, but I honestly feel that to presume that you would be ok with an open relationship is pretty risky, you never know what might change afterwards. But then again it could be awesome and work out really well. It just depends whether you're willing to take that risk.
     
  6. schwa'd

    schwa'd New Member

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    I guess this is what i'm concerned about. I feel like if it goes awry, we may never be able to go back to where we came from?

    Thanks for the input guys!
     
  7. HouseHunny

    HouseHunny New Member

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    This is why I opted out of swinging. I don't think I want to take that chance and have either one of us resenting eachother. That risk is just not worth it to me. I think we will just stick with our dirty fantasies ;)
     
  8. suite91

    suite91 Member

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    One of the keys to an open relationship is open communication! You both need to be able to honestly tell each other exactly what you're feeling without fear of how they will react.

    It is a positive sign that you can see him with another girl and be unconcerned. I often tell friends who ask "How could you watch her with him?" that no matter what happens I know she is mine and will be coming home with me (eventually:D ).

    You and your guy should talk A LOT about this before moving forward. Can he handle seeing you with another guy?
    If you're serious and decide to move forward, I recommend going to an off premises swingers club. It's a no pressure environment where you and he can flirt and chat or just watch. :dgrin

    Good luck!
     
  9. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I think that is exactly the problem. You can never really go back to what you were as a couple before swinging. You can try..... but it isn't the same. I don't regret the choices I have made. I regret the faith I had in other people's choices....
     
  10. Head Jones IV

    Head Jones IV New Member

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    She's leaving part of it out...She can't stand to see me with another woman, and that doesn't bother me. She is more important to me than anything. But we both think the idea of another man is really hot. I know that I could never fulfil her desire to be screwed by multiple men and the idea of it really turns me on. So we incorporate having another man in an MMF threesome. Seeing her being used just makes me boil and I couldn't be happier if that is all we do...

    Just make sure that whatever you do that everyone involved is okay with it, and always remember, compromise makes a relationship feel more like you own it, and less like it owns you.
     
  11. HouseHunny

    HouseHunny New Member

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    Geez, How could I leave such a big part out?:uhh: Like others have said communicate, and compromise until you find a comfortable happy medium for your relationship. In our case, I am uncomfortable with certain things, so we opt out of those things. No pressure=good. I one day I change my mind I will tell him and we will move forward from there.
     
  12. schwa'd

    schwa'd New Member

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    Well yeah, thats exactly right also. I always say, it's not about who you trust, but who they think they trust...kinda along the same lines.
     
  13. GreyGoose

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    Def not my cup of tea. I do not share well with others.
     
  14. JS1980

    JS1980 New Member

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    I have the same sentiment.
    My fiance and I have talked about a FFM threesome and has told me that should would be willing to if I absolutely wanted, but I could not have sex with the other women (only touching and oral) and that she would have a hard time dealing with another woman being with me, even if it's just kissing and a BJ. In the end, the restrictions and consequences are just not worth it.
     
  15. schwa'd

    schwa'd New Member

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    Thank you all so much, so I think basically if it were an opportunistic, casual type of thing that would be cool. But by no means would it be okay for anyone to actively persue someone new. We have been only crossing paths lately, but now that i've had sometime to think about it I intend to discuss it further.
    The kicker for me is: Then he goes out with a girl from work for drinks and calls me at work to tell me he's doing so. The purpose he says is so nothing would look fishy if it came up, she ended up kissing him that night. *sigh* So what do ya'll think about that?
     
  16. schwa'd

    schwa'd New Member

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    So when we finally did get to talk about it, he tells me that when the whole conversation first came about he took it to mean that this is what I wanted to do and he was just going along with it...
     
  17. kw4dol4w

    kw4dol4w New Member

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    I'm working hard on a girl that I know is bi and has a huge sex drive so I really expect that this kind of thing would come up sooner or later and been wondering what would be my stance on this.

    To be cool with it I would have to know that she's completely honest with me about her other relationships. That it stays in the realm of "sex as entertainment" and that there's no other feelings involved. It might actually turn me on to know that she's having fun with another girl/guy, especially if she gives me some details and use it to spice up our own sex life. The most important I think would be that it would have to be OUR thing, something that bind us even more together. So yeah, like others said: communication, honesty and respect.
     
  18. blueyedcouple

    blueyedcouple New Member

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    It's NOT a good idea.It will be BAD in the end.Trust me.
     
  19. Marquis

    Marquis New Member

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    your wants and your fantasies

    It might seem like a great idea at first. But after enough time one of you will not be able to handle it and your real realationship will be lost. And as a side note: if it was his idea, you might want to start thinking of letting him go anyway. 1 year my wife and i knew each other she hated me, next 3 we were friends, dated 2, and married now for almost three. I joke about it, but i could never go threw with sleeping with someone other than her.