planing wedding = no sex?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by nsa=fun, Mar 18, 2009.

  1. nsa=fun

    nsa=fun New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2009
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    congleton
    hi all sice we set a date for the wedding my gf has gone of sex she is just getting so stressed about it all she says that she can not get in the mood at all ?

    have tryed all sorts do you think she whants to get marred and it is just about the planning putting her off

    or do you think she is just trying to tell me she dont wont to get marred

    any info welcomed thanks
     
  2. Joe

    Joe
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2005
    Messages:
    1,681
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Rocky Mountains
    Wow! Usually they wait until after the ceremony to cut you off. :eek:utahere
     
  3. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Joe, you are a very bad boy! Where's my frying pan?
     
  4. Northside

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2009
    Messages:
    745
    Likes Received:
    302
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Colorado
    Do you know why the bride always smiles so much at her wedding? It's because she's thinking "that's the last blow job I'll ever have to give."
     
  5. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    I say it doesn't bode well for a sex life, post wedding. I am being honest with this, but how is sex going to happen after children arrive, for example? A wedding takes planning and effort, but how much effort is involved in spending half-an-hour of intimate time with the man you love?

    If she loved you, and if she knew how much you wanted to have sex with her, she would make the effort. My experience is that women do make the effort, even when they are busy or a bit stressed.
     
  6. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Spoken like a true male, cbrmale. If she loved him she'd do it? God good, man that's a far cry from when I was bitching that my old man was too tired to get it on. You went on about having his testosterone checked if I remember correctly.

    Stress is a libido killer and planning a wedding is one of the most stressful things a woman will ever do in her lifetime. I say to the groom-to-be, go jack off and leave the poor woman alone OR, YOU take over and make all the wedding plans and you will see how much of a pain in the ass it is.
     
  7. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    Planning huge elaborate weddings takes more than just money out of your pocket-it's a huge stress, I would imagine, getting this and that just so. I avoided this stress by having the smallest wedding ever-cost 50$, the cost of the license. It was awesome-but I can't imaging having to plan a big thing. Be easy on her, she needs you to support her. Maybe you could try and help, or treat her to a day at the spa to help her remove her stress. Or, you could just take a day and pamper her. I bet she'd really appreciate it.
     
  8. nasty

    nasty New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2009
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Michigan

    Seriously though, like Dreama said, she may be overwhelmed, best advice I can give is try one night to help out. It will be work, but it might help lead to an intimate moment, and as long as she doesn't read the thread, you can claim it as your idea. Best of luck to you and congrats.



    I think.
     
    #8 nasty, Mar 18, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2009
  9. ccjcool

    ccjcool New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    406
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California, AGAIN.
    The first and most important thing that you need to realize is exactly how much stress your fiancee is under. Its insurmountable. And while common sense would dictate that you are already attempting to help plan your wedding, if you are not helping her, you need to. Even if a wedding is traditionally "her" day, that doesn't mean at all that you cant do things to help her make it happen.

    As for the issue of not having sex, stress is a serious mood killer, and is reason enough for someone to not be in the mood for having sex. Furthermore, pressuring her about it, will only cause more stress and irritation, thus possibly continuing the lull in your sex life. Now...as for being concerned as to the real reason, I can say with relative certainty that its just the stress. She's certainly not trying to say "i dont want to get married" by not having sex with you. She wouldnt be planning the wedding if that was the case.

    So here is my advice. First off, as I already mentioned, help her as much as you can. Just because its "her day" doesnt change the fact that its your wedding. You should have an active part in planning it. If she doesn't want you helping, then you do have a problem, but thats a whole different topic altogether as to why. Secondly, about not getting any sex...let it go. For now at least. It will be one less headache for her to deal with.

    Finally, just go full bore on showing her how much you love her. Obviously you do, if you're getting married, so don't hold back. Spoil her rotten! Hold her as you sit together looking through bride magazines, or china patterns or whatever. Cook her dinner whenever you can. If you can't cook, order in, and serve her! Massage her feet, neck, back, etc...shes under a lot of stress, as you know, so her body is bound to be immensely tense. She deserves the pampering. Leave her little lovenotes tucked in the pages of the aforementioned magazines and such. Make her laugh. Make her smile. Let her know you love her. Assuming the two of you live together already, CLEAN THE HOUSE! Trust me on that one...not only does a clean house naturally make you feel better, but she will absolutely love you for doing it. Ask her how her day was. Talk to her! Communicate! Its the key to any successful relationship.

    And last but not least...when you curl up in bed together at the end of the night, just cuddle with her. Don't try to make it anything else. Dont ask her, dont suggest it, dont even beat around the bush. Just don't go there...if your dry spell is going to end, she will be the one who makes sure it ends.


    I hope my advice helps.
     
  10. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    Actually, I didn't write what I actually felt. In feel that your husband doesn't love you in the way that I know love. I think one or two others have written the same opinion, and I have backed those opinions. Life is too short to be wasted, and it would be tragic to look back and consider what could have been. I have been subtle at times, but the message was there.

    My experience of my current relationship and my prior relationships, was that two people are rarely in the mood at the same time, and if you wait for the mood to 'happen' you may be waiting for a long time. My wife and my prior girlfriends had sex with me even when they were not in the mood. I have had sex with my wife when I was not in the mood countless times, especially during those years when I was unwell. Even when I wasn't in the mood, when it started it felt just as good as it always had, and I always enjoyed it when the momentum began. I especially enjoyed making my wife feel loved in a special way.

    I know what it's like to raise children and it's ten times worse than planning a wedding! It's hard work and stress 365 days a year for many years. So if a woman can't cope with planning a wedding and having sex, then what will the future bring? He will be one of those many, many men who have confided in me that they are lucky to get it once a month, or once every few months, and they're only in their thirties.

    And why do men confide in me? Perhaps it's the glow of a man who's got great romance in his life, and a great sex life which he never mentions publically.
     
  11. bassguy96

    bassguy96 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2009
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    we're planning a wedding right now and though I'm not getting it every day it is at least once a week, hopefully more soon though, not sure if it's because of the wedding plans though or just the hours we both work to be able to pay for it
     
  12. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2008
    Messages:
    513
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    In my study!
    Planning a wedding is really stressful.... Have you asked her if you can help her plan it some of it.....?

    Some people lose their sex drive when they are stressed (my hubby for instance) and some people never lose their sex drive (me)... so you need to discuss it and choose a middle ground.....

    Pack a picnic, grab a rug and take her to a nice park... feed her some grapes, massage her feet and get her nice and relaxed... don't mention the wedding and take her home and run her a bath...... get her a glass of wine and a magazine/book and wash her hair in the bath.... - The key to this is not to make any of it sexual.... at the end of your 'date' give her a beautiful hand written note/card about how much you love her and remind her that the wedding is not the most important part of your love for each other... it's you guys and your future together..... she should then be receptive to some lovin..... but if your not getting the vibe from her, don't even push the issue.... Sometimes us women like a man doing something romantic for us and wanting nothing, but our love in return...

    Oh and congrats on your wedding :D
     
  13. LimeLight

    LimeLight New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2007
    Messages:
    212
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Dude, take it from someone who knows. It doesn't get any better. Get out now while you can.
     
  14. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Wow, Limelight, you certainly have become very bitter since the last time I saw you here. I'm sorry your life is sucking some much, hon. ((hugs))
     
  15. LimeLight

    LimeLight New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2007
    Messages:
    212
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Not bitter, just honest. Why should someone go through the same stuff I have to? Learn from my mistakes, please.
     
  16. FlirtyChick

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    4,111
    Likes Received:
    19
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Southeast US
    Take all the advice below. If she is planning your wedding, and stressing over it, she wants to marry you. Marriage is a big step, and quite honestly, (oh shit I am going to piss some men off), all you have to do is show up to be fitted for the tux, and then again at the ceremony. Pamper her, understand her, and put up with her. If you are marrying her just for the sex then maybe you need to rethink, because marriage is MUCH more than sex. It involves friendship, love, caring, understanding, and devotion. Wait until the wedding night. She will probably devour you.

     
  17. ~emm~

    ~emm~ New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2007
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    wales
    to be honest, you don't seem ready to get married if you can't notice your wife's stress and all are interested in the dry spell of sex. Get used to it if you are planning to spend the rest of your life with her. Lots of things affect lack of sex after marriage, so get your thoughts straight.


    But yeah, congratulations