physical attraction

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Purple_h, Dec 8, 2003.

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  1. Purple_h

    Purple_h New Member

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    First of all, I'd like to say hello to eveyone, as I am new to this forum.

    My sex life is a bit far from great, and one of my main concerns at the moment is the fact that, although I care very much for my boyfriend (of 2 1/2 years now) I've come to realise that I'm just not that physically atracted to him. When we do have sex (never as often as he would like) I usually have to find the mood for it deep in myself and in my mind. He isn't that much of a turn on for me as I would like him to (or as I am to him... although he's actually goodlooking and all.)
    Do you think a relationship like this could or should last much longer? Is it possible to find a way of enhancing the sexual empathy with your partner?
     
  2. ViviWannabe

    ViviWannabe New Member

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    If you can honestly say you love him, then the absence of physical attraction isn't a problem. If not, you may want to think about breaking up with him.

    I was not physically attracted to my most recent ex. When we first started having sex, it was pretty good. Eventually we grew apart, however, and it got worse. It got to the point that I'd only do it to make him happy, and I didn't get anything out of it.

    My current boyfriend and I are attracted to each other in every way imaginable, and that includes an immense physical attraction. The sex is awesome. He'd be the perfect guy if he didn't dislike my ex so much.
     
  3. Billman

    Billman New Member

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    I'm sorry he dislikes your ex. That's something you guys will have to figure out how to deal with on your own. I wonder, since you are so happy and having such a fantastic new sex life, why do you care what your current beau thinks about your ex?
     
  4. SenseiPiccolo

    SenseiPiccolo Banned

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    If you truely love someone with all your heart, mind, body, soul, and spirit then when you look at them you should see their Soul/Spirit form and not the physical fleshy form which will perish. Remember beauty is only skin deep.
     
  5. AsianGuy

    Guest

    birth control?

    I am just wondering if you are on birth control pills...I wonder this because I know that for a fact, girls' sex drives can decrease significantly if they are on the pill. Obviously, it may not happen for all girls, but it is a possibility.
     
  6. Purple_h

    Purple_h New Member

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    Actually I am on birth control pills (although they're low on estrogenes, I think) and I've already wondered if they could be the cause of my problem. But sometimes I find it hard to understand if this is a general libido problem or just has to do with my relationship, and the frustrations derived from it.

    Well, and I'm affraid I can't say I truly love him, in the way you've described. I do like him very much though and we're quite close, since we've been together for some time now. But that strong spiritual bond just isn't there...

    He tells me he loves me very much, but he's been starting to complain about my lack of interest in sex. Since I don't feel it's time to break up, I would like to be able to keep fullfilling his sexual needs. That's why I worry so much about my own libido and desire. I wouldn't like to end like ViviWannabe, doing it just for him without getting any satisfaction for myself...
     
  7. tsukassa

    tsukassa New Member

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    all i can say is that you need to trust your heart if anything because that will lead you to an answer deep within you. and if two are truly in love he will respect each decision you make and respect you and your decisions as much as humanly possible
     
  8. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Finding the Mood

    Dear Purple H,

    I am a husband of 28 years, and I use massage to get my wife in the mood. Do you have any massage instruction video tapes? I have enjoyed the Esalen tape.

    www.esalenmassage.org, Esalen Massage Tapes

    If your boy friend is aggressive, give him an avenue to be aggressive and get you stimulated both, Massage. I do not have any Rolfing Tapes but I have a book.

    My wife is less frequently in the mood that I wish to enjoy squirting. We have wrkied out some compromises that allow me to squirt with satiation, yet not getting fully inserted in my wife. Have you tired any compromises? How have the degrees of satiation been working?

    I use erotic videos during foreplay and love making to increase my satiation. Some women report a heightened interest from some videos.

    Mood and timing are important. My wife is sometimes most receptive in the 10 minutes before she falls asleep. Is there a time that is good for you? Can you work that time into your boy friend's behavior patterns? I prefer the morning, as an energizer for going to work. Is there any routine you can work on for mornings?

    If I have been working on something, and I see that my wife is in the mood, I will start pressing my tongue against one of her more or less private parts, and find myself getting interested in foreplay. Do you have any toys to play with when you expect your boy friend to be in the mood? I have particular music that is helpful to me. My wife can have the nightly news broadcast as background.

    It is nice that you are taking an initiative on the situation. Have you let your boy frend know what type of Cologne you like? I usaually drip on Aramis on my wrists and chest. Seems to help.

    You have not disclosed your boy friend's foreplay strategies. Do you ever remember getting hot? What steps led up to theat feeling? What are some additional steps leading up to sex, that your boyfriend can incorporate into foreplay?

    My wife likes to shut down my advances at some stages. She is usually ready to start back up again in 3 minutes or so. Will your boy firend give you a breather? Do you have a sequence worked out so no one feels rejected? Do you feel in control when you are in foreplay?

    Have you ever tried Go Ji Juice? Go to www.freelife.com.

    Have you ever tried to optimize your health? Have you ever vistied www.curezone.com?

    What books on foreplay do you find most helpfuyl? What do you know aobut Tantric Yoga? The idea is for the male to wait some 23 minutes, in a fairly low movement stage, to allow the energies to build, then go to town after the 23 minutes. Control is achieve by controlling the breath. I personally try to use sex for stimuylating energy for work in other areas of life.

    You do not mention energy level in relation to sex.

    Blessings

    Logger
     
  9. Purple_h

    Purple_h New Member

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    I'm sorry, I haven't been around for some time. Thanks, Logger, for all the information and questions you've put in your reply. You've brought up many ideas worth thinking about. Thanks a bunch!!
     
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