PE and a low sex drive.....help

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by bettyandjosh, Feb 1, 2011.

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  1. bettyandjosh

    bettyandjosh New Member

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    Hi, my husband and I are new here and are having some issues and are hoping to find some help here. Here is a little back story. We have been together for 10 years and have a great marriage and still love each other very much. I have a bad hip that can be very painful and it can and has lowered my sex drive. However, recently I had a pain injection done and it helped my pain, which has resulted in a 60lbs weight loss (my hubby has lost 50lbs also) and a much higher sex drive. My husband has always been very passionate and had a very high sex drive, until recently, last couple months or so?? He has always had the premature ejaculation problem. It bothers him more than me, because our foreplay is great, really great and he gets me off several times before he cums. Recently his sex drive seems a lot lower and it's not just me saying it, he has told me several times that he just doesn't feel like having sex. Which for him is very unusual and he hates the fact his sex drive is lower. We have discussed the possible "whys" and can't seem for come up with anything. We both still find each other attractive sexually, he likes that my sex drive is higher, we have great sex, when we have sex, we use toys, watch porn, go to strip clubs and something new we found that is fun, sex texting. We are both in our 30s, we work out 3xs a week, try to eat healthy, none drinkers/smokers. He works, I don't bad hip, we have one child age 5. If this isn't enough background let us know.
    Problem 1: My husband wants his sex drive back Any ideas???
    Problem 2: Premature ejaculation Any ideas?? He has no problems when he masturbates, only with stimulation with/from me
    Thanks
     
  2. Alwayslearningsex

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    You are ruling out the relationship so far and so far so good here.
    Things that affect a man's sex drive are stress and depression, being overly busy to the point you are too tired, not taking the time.
    Also on the medical side, kow trestosterone level, thyroid gland, maybe prostate or penis region type of problem. I'm no doctor but brainstorming.

    Ejaculating too fast, the only ways I know are to use the stop and go method, which requires patience and persistence, and YES, self control!
    (Had it done a few times before as play time and it's a delighful torture until you finally let it happen, lovely orgasm finally) and also penetrating in ways that don't stimulate the penis too much. Using muyself as an example, going deep is heavenly and sends immediate intense sensations at the base of my shaft so going half or 3/4 in, rubbing where she loves it,
    helps in not reaching orgasm so soon. Also the underside is real sensitive too so when a partner tilts her hips to line her vagina with my penis it applies a lovely pressure and sends those feelings that makes me get to orgasm sooner. Seriously, this can make me orgasm within a minute when really turned on, even without foreplay on me, yet I can go for longer when not hugged a certain way in the vagina.
    There can be something similar with your man so experimenting different ways it my suggestion.
     
  3. bettyandjosh

    bettyandjosh New Member

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    thanks for replying back to me. My husband did just start a new job and we had some money problems that resulted in us having to move, so maybe that is part of it. We always try to make time for each other because we know it is so important to keep our marriage going. Of course having a 5 years is quite draining.

    We have tried the stop and go method, but the problem is sometimes I can't even touch his cock or he cums. He can get off just by seeing me get off or playing with me or if I go to long with a blow job. He can last about 30 seconds to two minutes. We aren't hoping for hours, just maybe 5-10 minutes of penetration sex to start with.

    Any ideas on herbal supplements for either the sex drive or PE or has anyone had any luck with the numbing cream? We have some but haven't tried it yet. He doesn't want it to numb me too and keep me from getting off.

    Thanks, Betty and Josh
     
  4. BlueLizard

    BlueLizard New Member

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    Gonna brainstorm a little here too...

    Herbal meds do help...some...but you have to want them to. I have used them...but they didn't do real well...it's more of a mind over matter thing...as in you want them to work. I have found that viagra/cialis are wonder drugs. They are expensive...but cheap thru Canadian pharmacies.

    Premature ejaculation? I have ALWAYS had that problem. But I have found that relaxing and thinking about other things helped. Think that is one of those things that takes patience.

    Really sounds to me like stress is an issue. I have found that making a sex date helps. As in...plan everything. And it sounds like he is too worried about his premature ejaculation. It happens...go with the flow. Numbing cream never did help me...all it did was make me numb...but didnt stop me from coming...

    And he really might need to seek medical help...they really are good listeners. But he has to be up front and straight with him/her.

    Curious...does he masturbate for you? I found that if my wife gives me direction... i.e. slow down...stroke harder for me...come on me...etc...really helps.

    Sexting? its a way of life for us...lol that helps too...gives me something to look forward to...and we include pictures...

    Not sure if this helps...but PM me if you got questions...
     
  5. Beach

    Beach New Member

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    Hey Betty,
    Although being in your 30's may seem a little young, I would not rule out medical factors. A simple blood test can determine a variety of things. Obviously one of interest would be testosterone. If he's on the low side of the scale a simple Gel can apparently make quite a difference. ( I looked into this myself after feeling blah and not as sexual as I normally did.) My levels were normal but the dr. said I could try the Gel if I wanted. I declined...

    As for the PE from my experience personally the Little Blue Pill or its counterparts make quite a difference for me. I understand that these meds are not for PE but for ED..(Lol) But all i can tell you is in *my* case they make a **significant difference.
     
  6. HardRocker

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    If nothing else, the pill can keep an erection up after he orgasms so he can continue with intercourse. And sometimes even long enough for a second ejaculation.
     
  7. Alwayslearningsex

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    Continuing for a second ejaculation ..... if he is like me I can't continue for long even if hard, it's too ticklish after I have mine, have to wait for next round(s).
     
  8. Alwayslearningsex

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    How about a properly sized condom, maybe with a very light amount of numbing stuff but try without at first. Some condoms come with desensitizing inside. Too tight and not comfortable, sometimes causing an early ejaculation, too big and it doesn't stay, becomes distracting, etc.
     
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