Pathetic Sexual Experiences

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by peta pumkin, Jul 31, 2007.

  1. peta pumkin

    peta pumkin New Member

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    The recently closed thread "bad lovers" has prompted me to open this thread.
    I have never had sex with a woman, but please do feel free to comment on the performance of the fair sex. With no details at this time I wish to give a rating on you guys in bed.I have had enough experience to qualify as an expert commentator!

    80 percent: Abject, dismal, pathetic failures.-- "Get the rocks off, Wham Bam, thank you maam" with no feeling for thier partener.

    !0 percent: Try but just havn't got what it takes to please a woman.

    7.5 percent: An enjoyable experience, these guys know how to pleaseure us.Welcome back!

    2.5 percent: Like Wow! I'm still trembling thinking how good you are and what you did to me, myself.

    Anyone else out there, male or female, care to give a rating of thier experience?
     
  2. aussiebloke

    aussiebloke New Member

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    I don't have enough notches on the bedpost to give a percentile-summary, but I can say that the majority of my sexual experiences have been mutually drunk... and hence the majority have been pathetic. Hah. Not to say that drunk sex is necessarily bad sex, just that at least in my limited experience is has been.
     
  3. bud500

    bud500 New Member

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    Ive been with ....16? Only about 2 of those have I actually cared enough about to give a life-long lasting experience to. The others, meh, I couldn't have cared any less.
     
  4. peta pumkin

    peta pumkin New Member

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    Aussiebloke From an Aussie girl you are definatly in my 80 percent class. --- shame on you!
    Bud500 2/16.= 12.5 percent You are also on target.
     
  5. aussiebloke

    aussiebloke New Member

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    Oi. I didn't say being drunk meant I was crap. I said being drunk made the sex crap. And last time I checked it takes two to tango.
     
  6. Joe

    Joe
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    I'm shocked at the results so far. Mine are roughly:

    15%: Left a lot to be desired.
    15%: Very nice, but not memorable.
    65%: Holy shit! I found heaven.
    5%: Only in my dreams.

    If your results are the opposite of mine, maybe you should look inward. Perhaps you're not bringing out the best in your partners or something is messed up in your selection process.
     
  7. cook74

    Gold Member

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    I love the Aussie posts!!

    With my ratings, well, shit, Ive even tried to please the escorts ive been with. If my partner isnt happy, Im not happy.

    The only crap sexual experiences Ive had have been before the age of 18 ( only a few ) and when I was down on myself for other reasons. My percentages are as follows...

    5% I cant believe I did that!!
    15% wish I wasnt so drunk
    60% love to do that again
    20% OH MY GOD!!!!!!
     
  8. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    If I told you how many sex partners I've had you would never believe me. Some thought I was a dud. Some thought I was Mr. Wonderful. The best two lovers I ever had were women who loved sex and had lots of lovers. They were not willing to stay with one person. Great lovers, pore mates. It's an adventure not a exam!:D
     
  9. peta pumkin

    peta pumkin New Member

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    As expected the replies from the fellas is an exact reflection of what I have been reffering to. Thier egotistical view of thier own Maco "I'll show her what a real fuck is" is perhaps at odds at how the lady though they performed.
    Indeed it takes "Two to Tango" but it is a bit difficult to dance well when your partner is listening to a different tune.
    Any Ladies care to post a rating on the Guys?
     
  10. aussiebloke

    aussiebloke New Member

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    I was gonna say it's difficult to dance the tango well when the only tune you're both listening to is Bodyjar - Too Drunk to Drive and the only dance move the lady knows is what I like to call "The Starfish".

    But I guess the result is the same. Haha.
     
  11. peta pumkin

    peta pumkin New Member

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    AB You really pick some bottlers! Does the "Starfish" include a slight movement of the body followed by lyrics like: "Yawn -- Are you finished yet?"
     
  12. aussiebloke

    aussiebloke New Member

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    Exactly! You must be familiar with it. Hahaha.

    It's funny at this time of day. Just you, me and cook74 posting from the southern hemisphere. WAKE UP AMERICA. It's only 7:45pm.
     
  13. Dreama

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    I had one lover when I was much younger, who I lost my virginity to, that was pretty pathetic. But then, we both were, because we were both virgins. Nobody's fault, I guess.
     
  14. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Were awake, But 90% of us are at work
    and cant post.
    As for myself. My hours vary.

    Hiker
     
  15. peta pumkin

    peta pumkin New Member

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    AussieBloke Not being overly critical but it seems that your total experience has been at "Schoolies" week at the Gold Coast. You are letting the side down, lift your sights if you want to get in the big league. If you want to know the standard check out postings by CowboyLover for perfect a orgasm and SinceAlways for the perfect pussy. These postings are on this forum, Adult Multimedia section. Let us all know how an AussieBloke reacts.
     
  16. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    I've only had three sexual partners, and they are as follows: Eh, okay, Pretty darn good, holy shit he's awesome.
     
  17. aussiebloke

    aussiebloke New Member

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    Wow, peta, joking. Yea, my first post still stands - that more than half of my experiences were drunk. Thats all. I was just saying that drunk sex hasn't been great for either parties involved!

    Thanks for the concern anyway...
     
    #17 aussiebloke, Aug 2, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2007
  18. cbrmale

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    I've had about a hundred partners or so, and I suppose about 20% were forgettable. One thing that stands in my mind is that the more confident and experienced I got, the more memorable my partners became. In other words, I could drive my partners enthusiasm and reactions. Of the 20% who were forgettable, most of them were in my first few years of sexual activity. From mid-twenties onwards, almost all of my partners were somewhere between good and awesome.

    I enjoy sex, and I like to saviour every moment of it. I don't drink much in any case, and I've never had sex after drinking anything - ever. My memory is clear on this and I've never had sex with a partner who had been drinking either. Both probably because a lot of my sexual activity has been mornings or daytime.
     
  19. miss mary

    miss mary New Member

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    i'm a girl who'd like to agree that it takes 2 to tango. i've only had 4 sexual partners and they were as follows: OK, OK, pathetic, great. the pathetic guy was a one night stand who took about 15 seconds for foreplay (also we had both been drinking.) but let me add that i was an equally bad lover for not speaking up, voicing what i needed, and engaging him in foreplay. at the time i didn't even know what i needed. we were both young and ignorant. after my fourth lover who i was in a relationship with i learned what i like and now i would never be shy about letting the guy know.


    i love this!! :) so cute. it's an adventure for both of us, he shouldn't be the only one expected to show what a great lover he is