Partner with Clinical Depression?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by naughty4u, Aug 17, 2014.

  1. naughty4u

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    Has anyone had the experience of having a partner who is clinically depressed?? He is on meds and for the most part keeps his mood generally upbeat ..good sense of humor and normal sex drive..but the tunes when the meds need to be regulated or if something very difficult emotionally comes up..the depression takes hold and nothing seems to pull him out of it...until the meds get regulated again and he's able to "work through " (his words) whatever bad emotional issues he's having .. I get shut out .. He's not interested in sex at all ..nothing! I could be stark naked in front of him with a wet pussy and he wouldn't respond?? He sometimes realizes he's shutting me out and I'll get a hug and a please understand?? But then still shut out until the balance is back? We aren't married just dating but he says he wants things to work out?? I don't know if I can handle living with this??
     
  2. HotForHoney

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    Have you tried going to the doc/therapist with him?
    Is there a support group in your area?
     
  3. naughty4u

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    As far as I know he's got a doctor but not a regular therapist?
     
  4. AGFUNK

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    I just want to wish you luck. My husband has major depression and is unmedicated and it is hell. It really takes a special kind of person to deal with that. I would really sit down and think it throughif you want to deal with that the rest if your life. Wish you all the best.
     
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  5. naughty4u

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    Thank you!! I was very interested in him before I found out about his depression ..he still comes to work and generally "functions" but shuts me out ?? I know he's still a bit too embarrassed to fully share this issue with me..as this is only the very early stages of a relationship .. I want him to know that he can talk to me & I would be supportive .. But he just says don't worry & still shuts me out!! I don't think I can handle that??
     
  6. AGFUNK

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    I get shut out all the time. I'm a type of person that needs to talk things out and he isn't. One thing I can tell you if you decide to stay in a relationship with him is that you cannot take responsibility for his mental health, that's all on him. You can be supportive but unless he wants help you really can't do anything.
     
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  7. naughty4u

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    I
    like to talk too!! And I have been down the dark side myself years ago.. I don't really know what pulled me out if that downward spiral.. But having been there I fel so much empathy for him.. But I know I can't fix it for him? Very frustrating to go from hot & horny and loving.. To completely no communication? I want him to be there for me too.. & when he's in this mode.. Everything just gets ignored?
     
  8. lbushwalker

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    'Stralia Mate!
    If it is not already too late I would suggest you move on.
    There is a lot to lose and both going down the vortex.
    Find someone with less issues and live a happier life.
     
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  9. Li_hog_rider

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    I had date and live with someone for over a year that was on anti depression meds. I tried to work with her even when she tried to commit over dossing on pills and cutting her wrist. Did therapy for a few months. Finally had to end it when she tried OD in pills while my kids were there
     
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  10. 10_3XL

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    I can speak on this from both personal experience and observation:

    Dealing with clinical depression is similar to dealing with any other mental "illness" or addiction. First - as cliched as this may be - is for the person "suffering" to admit that they have something on which they need to work. (It sounds like he has gotten past this step, so that's Good!) Second, the person must have an honest desire for themselves to change - you cannot make this decision for them, nor should you try to. In doing so you can cause irreparable damage to the relationship. Third, the person must actively seek help that will assist in their process of change. Fourth, all involved have to acknowledge that if it truly is a clinical diagnosis - not just situational (which this does not sound like it is) - this will be something that will have to be dealt with for the entire lives of all involved. Fifth and last would be actually living out said lives to their fullest! :D

    If you are not ready to commit yourself to dealing with this "problem" for however long you are with this man then exit the situation now. Best to end things amicably and quickly before either of you become too "serious" about the relationship. Hopefully all involved will be mature enough to acknowledge that as the best course of action (if that is your final decision, of course). Otherwise, if you are ready to commit yourself to such a lifestyle (which living with a depressed person really is an entire lifestyle), then I wish you all the best and give this advice in closing: Do as much research as you can! Knowledge and understanding are power. Also, always always always talk and listen as much and as candidly as possible. It works wonders even if one of you is not depressed. :)
     
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  11. luvbug

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    I agree with 10^^^^

    He needs you to be supportive and understanding. If you can't do that then do him a favor and end things now so he can find someone who will be there.

    I'm taking depression meds myself and know where he's coming from.

    Luckily my SO IS understanding and supportive.

    Good luck to your guy.
     
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  12. rrandommchaos

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    Hello,

    I have been living with rapid cycle bi polar disorder for 30 years. Major suicidal depression seems to be the main mode I'm in.

    Finding someone to.understand me is very hard. People don't get what it is or how it works. People tell me to fix it or get over it. That it's all in your head.

    My first question would be, did he tell you about his disorder prior to the relationship.

    If he did and you told him you can handle it, but you realised you can't from what uv experienced so far you need to tell him.

    Trust me the emotional pain from a break up is nothing to people like us.

    Once he is down u just have leave him alone. He will come around. Just don't bother him. If you talk to the therapist they can prescribe stimulants to bring him up.

    Also welbutrin and other psych meds take my sex drive.

    Drug abuse could be an issue too.

    Now if you want to stick with him. Like the person who posted earlier. Education is key. They have family support groups.

    Actually here is my advice. It seems to me you need someone who can give you all their attention and have lots of sex.

    IT sucks for guys like us because women fall in love with one side of us. Then they are all no I won't leave u then they start cheating.

    You obviously don't want to be with him anymore but want to hear it from.others.

    He might threaten to kill himself and Yada da. I speak from personal exp..

    If he does this you give him my skype: thenekidgamer tell him to talk to me. I'll teach him some coping skills. Because he is going to be dealing with women leaving him a lot.
     
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  13. rrandommchaos

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    Lol my gf is a paranoid schizophrenic, I'm a cycling bipolar. I feel what u said. I date a younger gf and she gets so Butt hurt when I can't make love. She will leave me though. I want to marry her too.
     
  14. Doitagain

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    I have been with a woman with severe depression
    She was medicated however when meds had to be adjusted or changed or RAN out it was terrible. It takes a strong person to deal with it properly. It was very very hard. But by the most part when meds were stable everything was fine
     
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  15. rrandommchaos

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    Strong Indeed
     
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  16. naughty4u

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    Actually I don't want to leave him! I think he needs a good woman..and I know I'm the kind of woman he needs..patient, kind, & I thought understandings..but the truth is I don't understand all that well!! He's a great person..but I love to be close and connected to someone...and these times that he pushes me away are killing me!! There is NO communication & he avoids seeing me...even though we work together?? Imam very strong woman mentally & for the most part very upbeat and positive...I'm independent & don't need a man up my ass 24/7 but I do like to stay openly communicating..a text message would even be great..but he admits he shuts everyone out?? He asked me to give him time to work through this and he still wants us to work..so I have refrained from the daily texts I used to give him and have virtually been cut off from him over a week?? I was attracted to him before I knew about his depression issue..and was already somewhat involved by the time I found out about it..but have had a best friend for over 20 years who suffers from depression & is on meds so yeah I thought I could handle it and moved forward with it.. The first week together was awesome..he was very attentive & funny and upbeat & initiating things...then it's like he just dropped off the planet?? No word nothing!! Finally after my persistence and daily texts..he finally came out to see me..gave me a huge hug..a reassuring smile and said he still wants us to work but he was having issues he needed to work through & he knew he was shutting me out as he shuts everything out when dealing with it..and that he'd be back when he worked it out I shouldn't worry?? Yeah I love having sex often...but for the right person...if he is the one..I can be adult and have empathy for what he's dealing with..I know it's not something he wants..I'm just not sure how well I deal with being his girlfriend one day & then for the next week or so? Maybe longer we're like complete strangers?? Yeah I need to attend a support group for this & learn more about it..and thank the hood lord he doesn't appear to be suicidal!
     
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  17. Alwayslearningsex

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    I can only wish you luck and to hang on through the low momwnts.
    In the end it's your choice to determine whether you want to / can deal with this in your future, and when (if) you have children.
     
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  18. naughty4u

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    Thank you...children won't be an issue as I'm 47 and he's 38..he has a 13 year old son from previous marriage and shares custody..I have no children ..and at this age don't plan on any!!! As we move forward (if we move forward) it would only be him and I ..to deal with
     
  19. Joys

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    Not a partner but myself. Been on different meds for long but I quit. I'm a lot better now than I used to be. My mother also had chronic depression. Both not bi-polar though
     
  20. AGFUNK

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    Actually you could eventually be step mom to his kid if it works out between you two. But that's another subject.