[Ask a Girl] orgasm?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by LivingDeadGirl, Jul 15, 2011.

  1. LivingDeadGirl

    LivingDeadGirl New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Santa Cruz, CA
    Well, I'm a little embarrassed about asking this, but oh well. I've never had an orgasm, at least I don't think I have. I've tried by myself with toys too. I mean I like sex and I enjoy trying new things, but I was just wondering if there's something I'm missing, or there's some trick to it.
     
  2. Kermit

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2010
    Messages:
    1,950
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sesame Street
    You'd probably know it if you did. Just takes time (for some it might take a while) and a lot of stimulation. How long do you try for one? But honestly, maybe i'm naive, but if it feels good for you, that's the important thing
     
  3. LivingDeadGirl

    LivingDeadGirl New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Santa Cruz, CA
    Well ya I mean I enjoy sex, with myself and with a partner. It definitely feels good, but I would just like to have an orgasm, you know? :)
     
  4. Kermit

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2010
    Messages:
    1,950
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sesame Street
    Oh of course, i just didn't want you to fret or feel bad you're having difficulty when you're at least enjoying yourself :) it's all a matter of finding what drives you wild. But i should leave it to the female sexperts, i've caused them but not experienced one first hand lol
     
  5. Chronichaze

    Chronichaze New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2011
    Messages:
    256
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Downtown Denver
    Your sex drive will go up with age. Give it time or else you're out of luck:eyes
     
  6. hornyscot

    hornyscot New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2011
    Messages:
    102
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Glasgow
    be patient with your self, try to relax, dont think about it and it will happen when you least expect it and pow, you are there, good fun finding out, x
     
  7. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,963
    Likes Received:
    5,074
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    Hi LDG,
    If your handle is any indication then perhaps it is your way of looking at the world and life in general that inhibits the full joys of sex.
    Loosen up your feelings, smile some and the rest of your body might just follow.
    Also know thyself first; be gentle, patient, pratice lots at stimulating yourself with no thoughts of any particular outcome and betcha it will happen.
    Wishing you well,
    Bush
     
  8. anne49

    anne49 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2011
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Jill, you obviously don't orgasm naturally from being penetrated. It's the same with me, so maybe I can give some advice. And yes, like Kermit said, I guess you will realize very well when you had an orgasm.

    For me it's all about the clitoris, and I do fingerwork. I'm not into toys, others may be able to help you with them, maybe some vibrating thing is good for you.

    I press my fingers on the clitoris through the skin. It's mostly the middle finger, but index finger and ring finger will assist you. When you have found the "good spot", then rub or circle your fingers the way it feels good. Don't move away from this spot. This does it always for me.

    Your clitoris is most likely too sensitive to be touched directly by a finger (mine is). Oral (directly) is very fine but can be tricky, so if your partner is not very experienced in this, he might not be able to help you. It's mostly because he does not know how it feels from "inside". I'd try that on my own first.

    Find a quiet, pleasant environment. Noise from the street or from the neighbours, or the presence of a person in a different room can be very disturbing.

    Trick? You may feel a certain pressure. "I must be able to reach orgasms! That's just not possible that I can't." There is a psychological trick against that. I think they call it "paradoxical intention". I works like this: While you do physically everything to reach your goal, you try mentally to prevent yourself from this. I've never tried this with orgasming, but it did wonders in times I had a problem to fall asleep. When I was tired, I lay down in my bed, then thinking "Don't fall asleep! Keep your eyes open!", and I was gone. It's much like "Don't think of pink elephants!" (Now do you figure one?) - I don't know. In case it doesn't help, it will do no harm.

    Good luck!
     
  9. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2011
    Messages:
    396
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Michigan
    You're young, you'll figure it out. Some key points:

    The brain is the most significant sex organ. Psychology has a substantial amount of effect on your ability to orgasm.

    I'm tired and not going to get into a big post, but let me add to what has already been said this one point: Part of having an orgasm may well be something to the effect of wanting to have sex but not having sex.

    Let me put it this way in brief. My wife and I had been to a point where we felt we needed counseling for sex therapy, which is maybe 10% sex related talk therapy and most of the other 90% is relationship counselling. Anyway, to get back in sync, we were given rules, we had weekly sessions, and between sessions we had to touch eachother with taking turns initiating, and with minimum durations... And with no sex. The first week there was no touching of genitals, and it escalated from there... Would've been 6 weeks before we had sex, but we kinda had to accelerate the process because we moved away from the therapist.

    Just consider that, and think about if you're focussing on the destination and missing the journey.
     
  10. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    I spoke to my wife who had mastered the art of masturbation to orgasm well before she first had sex, and she suggested using your fingers rather than toys, and to experiment where you touch and how hard. When you get it right you will know, and your first elusive orgasm will surely follow.

    As far as partner sex goes; women who know their bodies and have mastered masturbating to orgasm respond better to their partners touch and other sensations of sex. Masturbation is practice for sex. Not many women regularly orgasm from intercourse, and many don't orgasm from intercourse at all. This is normal. One good way to have sex is the woman comes first, in our case generally from oral sex from me, and then we proceed to intercourse and my wife may or may not come again from that. Like you however, she does like having me inside her and all the lovely feelings and the closeness that intercourse entails.
     
  11. LivingDeadGirl

    LivingDeadGirl New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Santa Cruz, CA
    thank you all so much for your responses, you've given me a lot to think about!
     
  12. inchaosandriots

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2011
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    the less you think about it, the easier it will come.

    you just have to close your eyes, forget about everything else, let go, and let the pleasure take over. the letting go is often the hardest part, but once you do you'll never look back.

    it helps to have somebody who knows what they're doing drive you there as well! =]
     
  13. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2011
    Messages:
    396
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Michigan
    Another thing, spend some time with your partner talking about things, there are 2 goals for doing this - first to communicate with eachother and second to be more confident that you can communicate with eachother.

    On one level there may be on your part or his part a belief that if the other says or implies that you're doing something wrong, it will be a turn-off.

    On another level, you might be afraid to provide direction for fear that he would take it the wrong way and become turned off.

    When you learn how to communicate well, you can both fulfil your sexual roles better. He wants to please you, you want to be pleased... And vice versa.
     
  14. papukhp

    papukhp New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2011
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    karachi
    i have no more words to add ,i am totally aggrieved from the comets of anne49
     
  15. ply

    ply
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    1,032
    Likes Received:
    430
    Location:
    Alsaks
    Have you tried oral? Many women cum on oral that do not cum while having sex.

    Have you tried anal? Many women say they have their best orgasms this way. If you haven't tried anal yet, read up on the subject thoroughly before trying.

    My wife is an easy cummer. but for quite a few years now she gets off best with her toy.

    Her favorite and the favorite of several women we know is a cheap body massager you can buiy anywhere. They all seem to agree that the knob attachment in the picture is their favorite. I'm going to try posting a link: Conair Touch And Tone Massager With Magnet Attachment, White
    She has used my electric toothbrush - a cheap crest battery style, one side goes back & forth, the other end goes round and round - before but she had to leave her panties on as the direct clitoral stimulation was to intense.
    [​IMG][​IMG]
     
    #15 ply, Jul 22, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 22, 2011
  16. backcheck64

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2010
    Messages:
    3,433
    Likes Received:
    1,040
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Missouri
    At least with the women I've been with, you'll know it. My wife's muscles go tense, her back arches, she shakes, and if I'm doing oral at the time, her thighs clamp down on my head to the point of pain. A lot of women don't have orgasms through penetration, I'm lucky that my wife is one that does, repeatedly. Have you tried toys with a partner? Positon is often critical for orgasm through penetration.
     
  17. LivingDeadGirl

    LivingDeadGirl New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Santa Cruz, CA
    Ya both. I mean I enjoy them a lot, I just don't think I've had an orgasm with them.

    That, I haven't tried. I just got a toy a few weeks ago, but it's pretty much just been a masturbation thing. I'm single and don't exactly have a regular partner, but then again maybe that's my problem...
     
  18. Kermit

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2010
    Messages:
    1,950
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sesame Street
    Well if you do find a partner, cunnilingus is a great way to try and have an orgasm
     
  19. LivingDeadGirl

    LivingDeadGirl New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2011
    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Santa Cruz, CA
    i don't know what that is...
     
  20. Kermit

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2010
    Messages:
    1,950
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sesame Street
    it's a fancy way of saying "eating pussy" fellatio is sucking cock lol