orgasim... how to?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by cupcake, Nov 9, 2007.

  1. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

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    I am newly married.. And I can't seem to orgasim.. No matter how hard we try.. What different toys I use... I'm just looking for some tips/ help... I feel bad because my husband thinks its his fault when its NOT even a little... Any advice would be great.
     
  2. Bluesy

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    Can you orgasm through masturbation?
     
  3. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Much of a woman's sexual satisfaction begins in the mental category. Sometimes it takes time for you to feel comfortable enough to allow yourself to let go of unperceived inhibitions. From your original post, I am assuming that the two of you were not very sexually active before marriage...? Trust and confidence in the bedroom doesn't always come immediately.

    I'd suggest that both of you attempt to forget about trying to bring you to orgasm, and just enjoy the moments, along with the sensations. Talk to your husband about this. And what Bluesy said about masturbation - masturbating helps you learn your body's pleasure spots. Every woman is different, and the more you know your body, the more you can relay to your husband what sensations are exciting to you. The best part about masturbation is the fact that you can do it ALONE! No pressures - just learning, and enjoyment!
     
  4. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    This is why it's so important for both partners to be enthusiastic, practicing masturbators before entering into a committed relationship. If you don't know to bring yourself to orgasm, then how do you expect your partner to know that?

    I agree with Rose. Take your time getting to know your own body and what pleasures you, then tell your husband about it.
     
  5. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

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    That's is really good advice.. Thank you.. But here's another question. My husband is afriad if I use toys or masterbate without him it'll replace him... And I do it because he can't get to orgasim yet... How do I explan that?
     
  6. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    These are things that you two need to discuss openly. You are both learning new territory, and you both need to replace your fears with good, solid advice. You both need to understand how a woman can release her sensual energies. "Toys" help a woman feel things that she's perhaps been afraid to feel... or perhaps has not known she could feel.

    When both of you are comfortable with the idea of you experimenting with things, it should bring you into a whole new realm of sexuality.

    In your original post, you mentioned
    I thought that indicated that you had used toys.... Am I wrong?
     
  7. Morgan

    Morgan New Member

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    Here's something to consider....

    If he feels inadequate by the presence of the toys, perhaps you could have him be the one who uses them on you? It's possible that you guys already do this, and if so, disregard this comment. But some guys can get really excited by the idea of using a vibrator on their girl. Let him know that he's still the one who's ultimately getting you off, even a toy is being used.

    Also...Everything that Rose posted is great advice.
     
  8. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I agree, in a normal sexual encounter, having your man use toys on you is a great turn-on, for both of you.

    The only thing with him using the toy, is that he has no idea what is making her feel good. The problem is, she needs to learn her own body first. And that means being alone with her stimuli. The presence of her husband will only slow the process.

    Now, once she has learned her body's erogenous areas, and they both feel comfortable, enjoying mutual masturbation ( or him masturbating her) will be icing on the cake!
     
  9. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

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    Yes we've used toys together.. What do I do if I use it by myself... Get turned on the go anmd get him? That what I don't really get...

    What I'm getting from this is that its not really something that is going to come easy... And even though I feel bad for not being able to make it happen... I just need to figure out what I like somehow?
     
  10. Morgan

    Morgan New Member

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    No, don't run and get him. You should have a few orgasms all by yourself first. Completely alone, from beginning to end. That way you can get accustomed to your body and learn what things feel good to you. After you've done it by yourself enough, to the point that you've figured out the basics of what gets you off, then you can start showing him the moves you've learned.

    And yes, don't over-stress about the orgasms. If you do that, it just creates added pressure.

    My friend once compared women's orgasms to deer in the woods. It's silly, but kind of true. If you chase them and try to force them into your life, you'll just scare them away. But if you calm down, relax, and just enjoy the moment, you'll slowly coax those orgasms out of yourself without even trying.
     
  11. AnonymousOne

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    ... orgasim ... orgasim ... hmmmm

    Is this like a Sims sexual expansion pack? :p
     
  12. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    No way! The whole idea is for you to feel totally comfortable, with no inhibitions... no one is 'watching' you or 'critiquing' you. This part of your sexual journey is all about YOU. Don't even make a big deal about it in front of your husband. No need to call him on the phone and say, "Honey, I'm going into the bedroom and masturbate now..." :lol

    ...well, that's kind of what this exchange of posts is about, I thought. Masturbation is a wonderful tool to help you "figure out what you like".

    You may want to 'google' some books on the subject of female orgasms and sexual pleasure. In this day and age, theres absolutely no reason for anyone to be walking around clueless about such things. There's a wealth of information at your fingertips :)lol - now THAT was a natural pun!!), so I wish you luck!
     
  13. AnonymousOne

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    DUDE! If I was married and my wife called me, and told me that I would be like "Hey ... uh ... boss I think I'm going to need a long lunch today." :lol
     
  14. Bluesy

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    Fabulous advice :tup

    To add a couple of thoughts to Rose's response, you might find this book educational: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-One-Selfloving-Betty-Dodson/dp/0517886073

    And this (the man's bedroom bible) is for him: http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-Fir...0060538252/ref=pd_sim_b_2/102-2796024-2500110

    Women are sexually far more complex than men...there's an inextricable psychological element to sex for us that when neglected and not tended to, leaves us feeling somewhat unfulfilled in the least, and sexually defunct at worst. Really good orgasms depend on how well lubricated your mind is, as well as your body ;) Educate that man!
     
  15. ChargerBabe

    ChargerBabe New Member

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    Just my 2 cents....I would recommend getting a waterproof toy, some bubble bath, a few candles, and head off to a relaxing bubble bath full of exploration. Lock the door. You can be fully relaxed to just lay back and let things happen.
     
  16. cupcake

    cupcake New Member

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    Thank you very much for all this advice... I really appriciate it!