Opinions,...?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Timekeeper, Mar 20, 2011.

  1. Timekeeper

    Timekeeper New Member

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    Hi! I'll try to make this as short as possible. But could use some input. I'm 33, my wife is 37. We've been married for 10 years. Our sex life was great. We had it 4-5 times a week, had 3-somes, & a few other "crazy" adventures. But, a couple years ago, she had to have a full hysterectomy. Of course, with her "mommy parts" gone, so is her sex drive. I know we are not the only couple to go through this. MY sex drive is still there. Now, I know I should be happy with masturbation. Often, it IS enough. But, there are women that have flat out asked me to come over. ( not for coffee. ) They know my situation, & want to "help". I also know cheating is wrong. But everyday, it seems less & less wrong. I DO love my wife, really. BUT, when I get messages/texts that say, "Honey, come over here, I'll fuck your brains out right now." it becomes VERY difficult to keep saying no. I know, I need to have will power. It really WOULDN'T be about "feelings", rather having the nasty dirty fun we all love. But, I'm basically faced with having sex once every 3-4 months for the rest of my life. Am I being too selfish? My wife IS wonderful, but I really don't like the idea of a sexless marriage at only 33. What to do? Any experiences / advice?

    Thanks! :)
     
  2. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    I'll let ya know
    Hi there...I'm sure you will get a lot of opinions on your question.Some of our members feel very strongly cheating is 100% wrong and an unforgivable offense.
    Others,maybe like myself,feel it depends on the situation and are more lean-int about the fact that humans have needs.

    Most people I think who do cheat are like you and probably don't really want to,but something in their sex lives is less then and their needs aren't being met.
    Doesn't really make them BAD people...

    The reason I would say not to cheat is because of the dishonesty.
    But it is not up to me to Judge anyone if they decide to cheat.I'm not gonna tell you I think you should do it either though.

    I think the best course of action is tell your wife your feelings FIRST.Does she KNOW you are feeling left in the cold? Many people have open marriages these days.Maybe your wife will be open to the idea since she is a little older and not so willing to please after her operation.
    Whatever you decide,good luck,and welcome to the SF
     
  3. backcheck64

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    Yes, I'm one of those. Have you guys sat down with a doctor and discussed every option. Sometimes hormone treatments can bring back some of the desire.

    I do believe sex is an essential part of a relationship, as important as every other aspect. If she isn't willing to make some accomodations or seek every avenue of treatment for the situation, I'd opt for divorce.

    How long ago was the proceedure? If very recent, it could take a while, if it's been a year and she's made no effort to compromise with you or seek additional aid in this area. I'd have to look at getting out. But thats me. 33 is awful young to be in a sexless marriage....75 would be a different story.
     
  4. Timekeeper

    Timekeeper New Member

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    Thanks DarkJewel. Also, I had always felt cheating WAS wrong. Until now. I still DO kind of. She has even said how sorry she is that she doesn't want sex. I don't think divorce is an option. I DO love her. But dammit, sometimes I just want to get freaky. lol What makes it harder yet, is I remember the kinky things we USED to do. Damn, we had fun! There are some others that remember it too. haha. Maybe I need to send her on a date with a girlfriend. :)
     
  5. Timekeeper

    Timekeeper New Member

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    Backcheck, no. Actually we haven't really tried anything doctor-related. It's been 2 years since she had the operation. Maybe we should.
     
  6. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    thats a rough situation. i'm kind of young, so don't really know how viable my advice would be. anyway, i would say look into some kind of hormone replacement. thats really the only thing that regulates libido. aside from that, you'll just have to talk with her about the situation. come up with a solution thats fitting for both of you. good luck
     
  7. backcheck64

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    I'd definately see a doctor and possibly a therapist. A hysterectomy is a major thing psychologically for a woman besides the physical aspects. Besides the hormonal changes, she may in her mind feel she is no longer a woman and that can contribute to the lack of intamacy. I'd give that a try before you do either a divorce or cheat on her.
     
  8. Trond

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    I wish I knew. I am in almost exactly the same situation (even age-wise, I am 33 and my wife is 36), but my wife never had any kind of surgery. I know exactly the kind of temptations you talk about, even though I never had a particularly "crazy" sex life. We are currently seeing a therapist (only one session so far). It is quite possible that my wife also needs to see a doctor, as she feels that intercourse is painful. After the therapy, my wife has tried to be extra nice about it, and we have tried a few different lubricants. It helps, but I have yet to find out what will come out of it all in the long run.
     
  9. lovn_my_bbw

    lovn_my_bbw New Member

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    the situation you are in truly sucks, there are several relationships like this on this forum, cheating is wrong, and there are better ways to figure things out.in reality its all up to you. the only advise i would offer is DO NOT do it with those women who are offering it, they will only cause problems. if you do seek sex from some one else go out and find them.dont take it from some one who is offering it. especially through texts.
     
  10. Untamed

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    Very sad and I wish I had some advice for you.

    Please don't cheat.. talk to your wife.. seek advice together.

    Don't let some floozy lead you into temptation.
     
  11. Alwayslearningsex

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    Don't leave a stone unturned and throw away your relationship.
    Some couples allow each other to get relief but it doesn't look like it's in the plans and I would be against forcing the issue on a spouse, and worse to give in. Think about the family, the hardship and consequences.
    discuss openly with wife if you have not yet about options, can she do things for you without feeling resentful or bad doing them?
    If she ever does you hold your end of the bargain and be supportive in many aspects at home, let her know she is worth it.
     
  12. Untamed

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    Yet more great advice.
     
  13. Moon

    Moon New Member

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    You love her, she's sorry, see a doctor. You both want to work this out involving others is going to make it worse.

    Is she taking any sort of HRT?
     
  14. Timekeeper

    Timekeeper New Member

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    Thanks everyone. :) At least it's good to know I'm not alone! :) We'll figure it out.