[Ask a Girl] Opinions please

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by NewHere, Nov 29, 2010.

  1. NewHere

    NewHere New Member

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    How do you feel about your SO going to flirty forums? Do you mind if they are doing this and never brought it up? It's ok for guys and girls to answer this. I would like both perspectives.
     
  2. SWGirl

    SWGirl New Member

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    What do you mean by "flirty forums"? I think we'll need clarification on this in order to help you with advice.
     
  3. Mittimer

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    Agreed, to you what is a "flirty forum"
     
  4. johndeeregirl

    johndeeregirl New Member

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    Agree with SWGirl..

    if you are talking about forums like SF.. eh he knows I come here.. he can read anytime he wants.. Posting on forums and actually flirting with someone are 2 way different things..
     
  5. NewHere

    NewHere New Member

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    It is a forum called The Flirty Shack. I just found it on his history a few days ago.
     
  6. SWGirl

    SWGirl New Member

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    Have you gotten on there? Do you know what goes on or what the topics consist of?
     
  7. NewHere

    NewHere New Member

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    you have to make a profile which i did. but aside from that it goes by how many posts you make to unlock certain areas. Like after you post 50 times, it unlocks a section called Naughty Flirts. The intro to the site is saying it is basically for people that like to flirt to go and have fun. It just doesn't sit right with me. I wanted to know what others thought. I haven't mentioned anything to him though. I also considered the possibility that he came across it one time like I did here, and has never been back. I don't want to jump to conclusions so I was going to wait to see if it popped back up on the history again. I figure if it does, then he has made a profile and is posting. You don't have access to the member list until you do so many posts either...

    And it's called The Flirting Shack. I messed up the name before. I figure if anyone wanted to take a peek at it and let me know what you think you should ahve the right name =P
     
  8. Mittimer

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    I actually just checked that site out. it's the flirtING shack for those who are interested in any more information.

    It's just that, it's a free adult only chat site (much like here) for anyone 18 and over to partake in innocent flirting.

    It's also a vbulletin website again, much like ours. From what I can tell, the posts are all pretty innocent and the site count is low. Much much fewer posters/members then here.

    In my opinion I wouldn't be upset.
    Does your SO know that you're on here? Being here is much worse then being on an innocent flirting forum that has many more boundaries then we do. Hell, they have a rule that you have to have at least 50 posts in the general forum before you can private message anyone.

    If you're upset, talk to your SO. If you think he's hiding something, talk to him.

    If he trusts you enough to be here (assuming that he knows you come) then you should trust him on a site like that.

    Then again, if there is trust in the relationship and good communication, then their shouldn't be an issue with either of you posting on the forums period.

    Just my opinion.
     
  9. Jonger84

    Jonger84 New Member

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    Does it worth ?
     
  10. Mittimer

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    What? I don't understand what you're saying.
     
  11. Jonger84

    Jonger84 New Member

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    Have I missed anything by not joining there ??
     
  12. NewHere

    NewHere New Member

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    Jonger I appreciate any opinions you may have for me on this topic, but if you don't have anything to say that might help me then please don't ask about the other forum here when I am trying to get help. If you are wondering about it, then maybe check it out for yourself? I am really asking for help here...
     
  13. Gearhead

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    he may be just like i was there was a time not long back where i just like flirting with girls like i dont know what had gotten into me i flirted with everything with a vagina lol and then one day i just kinda stopped best thing to do is just ask him about it dont try to interogate him dont go putting a plate of donuts on the kitchen table and dimming the lights just hey whats this about and if judge it by that ..dont let your mind get the best of you it coulda been nothing
     
  14. Jonger84

    Jonger84 New Member

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    Well I didnt like it myself .. I guess its better here .. but this is only a shallow opinion of me
     
  15. Dragon_Fire

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    I've been a member of the Flirting Shack for quite some time myself and quite honestly I think it's harmless. I've posted enough to be allowed into one VIP area and there doesn't seem to be anything going on to be concerned about.

    Honestly I think this site we are on right now is naughtier.
     
  16. NewHere

    NewHere New Member

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    To be honest I have not told him I come to this site. :ugh I only started to come here to get advice like this. Several months ago I found out he was going to porn sites and lying to me about it. Porn isn't the real issue. We watch porn together. The big thing for me is the lying. He promised to only watch with me, again I didn't ask him to, he suggested it. Well he makes a point to tell me that he hasn't gone to any sites. I have found out he has lied to me about it 3 times so far. And again this past time when I looked at the history I saw porn sites and that forum site. I am trying to decide if it is just something he might be embarrassed about (the porn) and will never admit to it, or if there is a real reason for me to have trust issues. There is no cheating and that is definitely not a concern for me. He is a good man and I love him very much. I just can't stand knowing he is lying to me. I really don't know what to do :help

    I have been thinking about writing him a letter explaining to him how this is making me feel. The last time we tried to talk about it, it didn't go so well. I got all girly and started crying. I do that when I am emotional. I think he just shut down when that happened. I don't blame him honestly. No guy wants to deal with a crying sobbing girlfriend lol. I get that. So I was thinking maybe if I could write him a letter and leave it for him to find when I am at work, I could tell him the issue for me is him lying. I don't want to make him feel like I am blaming him or accusing him at all. I just want to try to have him see it from my point of view. I know if I write the note, I will want to tell him I know he has been lying to me so he shouldn't bother to deny it. I realize he might get mad at me for checking up on him about this, but I think after lying to me for over 4 months and us talking about it several times, it is justified. If he never lied to me to begin with, this NEVER would have happened. And if I knew he wasn't lying to me, he could watch porn 24/7 and I wouldn't care. Just don't lie... I am almost ready to "have it out" about this and be done. I don't want a fight. I love him too much to carry this hurt around though. It isn't fair to him or me.

    This whole situation has definitely made me realize how different men and women think :ugh

    Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated :)
     
  17. HardRocker

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    She knows I visit sex sites sometimes, but no details about SF.

    NewHere, I've written a letter to my wife. It was years ago when we were having some tough times after I had been very ill for a long time. I needed to express some things that were just a jumble in my head(I was still somewhat of a basket case from being sick), and writing it out was the only way I could make sense out of it.

    I didn't want to just leave it for her to find because I was afraid the surprise would put her on the defensive, or she would feel slighted somehow, as if I was too cowardly to confront her directly. So I handed it to her and told her exactly why I had decided to write it instead of talking about it. I wanted her to understand my inability to communicate was the reason I wrote it all down.

    But I didn't stand there in anticipation while she read it, I made myself scarce for a while. And then later I asked her if she had read it and what she thought about it. We were able to talk a little more coherently after that.
     
  18. NewHere

    NewHere New Member

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    I am sorry Volk but I don't think you read my post right. I don't have a problem with the porn. I have a problem with him LYING. We even watch porn together. That is not an issue.

    And thank you HR. That is the issue I am having. When we talk about it, it is hard to say exactly what I mean. I figure if I could take the time to get it down on paper, it might make more sense.
     
  19. Mittimer

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    Volk, if you read back to her first posts around here, she was having issues with her SO lying to her about things. Mainly him not wanting to fuck her but having time to download porn and jack to it when she wasn't home.

    She caught him in this lie and came to us for advice. She's once again asking advice on something she feels that her SO is lying to her about. He's (assumingly) on a website that is based around flirting with other people. She's scared and worried about what her SO may or may not be doing.

    She's asking us how we feel about it and what we/she would/should do.

    PORN is not the issue and it hasn't been for MONTHS. This isn't what this thread is about. Obviously you haven't read the original post to see this.

    If your SO was part of a website that was explicitly dedicated to flirting with other people and exchanging photos and the like, and hid it from you, would you not be curious as to why he/she's doing this?

    That's not fishing, that's being concerned.
     
  20. NewHere

    NewHere New Member

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    Thank you Mitt :) That is exactly what this is about. You said it better than I even could lol

    As far as talking to him directly, when I try to, it's hard. I get flustered and upset and can't say what I want to. That is why I was thinking of writing a letter. I guess I should personally give it to him, but I definitely think I can say what I want to say and mean to say better on paper.
     
    #20 NewHere, Nov 30, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2010