Opening up about sexual past

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Zazzles, Jan 19, 2016.

  1. Zazzles

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    So us Zazzles have been going out for over 2 years and have recently been going through difficult/stressful times not in our relationship directly but other stuff which we feel has impacted our relationship. Not long ago we had an argument about something that happened in the past before we met and we decided to share our past sexual history. Both very surprised about how good it felt to open up and share number of sexual partners we each had (which were very similar) and talk about that kind if stuff obviously not in very deep detail. We just wanted to share this with everyone because we are feeling good. Anyone else agree that it does feel good opening up or if you still haven't revealed past sexual experiences with your partner and why? :) hope to hear some reasoning and stories, we are just glad ours worked out well and we are closer than ever.

    Thanks in advance.
     
  2. whybother

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    A relationship absolutely needs some of this information to be shared. It is they only way to get to know each other.
     
  3. fbbg

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    I like a degree of openness. I don't need or want to know every detail and I'm sure my gf feels the same but we are pretty open to what we have done abd haven't done and what we want to do :)
     
  4. lbushwalker

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    I would love to tell my partner everything I have been up to in the past but that would go down like a ton of bricks!
    She is super jealous of anyone of my past!
     
  5. whybother

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    You are right it has to be individual Our discussion was a feeling out process. We never shared details. It was more like generalizing the types of relationships we had had.
     
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  6. xtacy4

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    I don't know that a specific number is necessary. Habits, relationships, needs, and desires- absolutely.
     
  7. MrJones

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    I've said to my wife I will tell you anything you want to know and I will always be honest. So, if you don't want to know or hear about certain things in my past you shouldn't ask.
     
  8. Mittimer

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    The past is the past. There's generally no need to bring it up let alone argue about it. However sexual history is important to discuss in any relationship to at least make sure everyone's been safe and there are no secrets that will come up to hurt later.
     
  9. SWOJLO

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    I can see MItt's point but I live in Ibushwalker's world too. For us personally, there would be nothing productive to drag up. In my opinion at least.
     
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  10. fbbg

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    You don't need to go to every detail. But as Mitt says its good to know if anyone is going to have any limits etc due to previous bad experiences etc.
     
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  11. biker061

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    When we met I was 51 mrsbiker was 44, so we both had some miles on us. We've never told it all episode by episode, more like 'one time I did this' kind of info. Honesty is good, but if you're together the past is the past!
     
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  12. Nixie

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    I couldn't possibly be with someone like that. It's like the people that say I'm selfish for not having kids because I'm depriving my possible unborn future child of a life. Seriously?! :confused:

    Mind you, if she finds you that incredibly sexy, I can see how she can be possesive (to a point). But she needs to realise that she was the one to finally nail you - she shouldn't be jealous; she should be conceited. :D xx
     
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  13. Spark

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    I'm in a very open relationship and we're completely honest with each other about what we get up to with other people. We live several hours away from each other, so we quite enjoy sharing all the details!

    Other than that I've always been happy to discuss things generally, but haven't really had another partner who's wanted to go into specifics.
     
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  14. Sagittarius84

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    I think it's a double-edged sword. On one hand its changing sexual history is a great way to get to know each other, it also tends to give a good idea as to what people will or will not do sexually. I think the bad aspect of it is that it may set up expectations which have no intention of being fulfilled. case in point most men that I know have girlfriends wives or significant others who regale them with stories of bisexual encounters prior to meeting up with them. of those, maybe 1 out of 10 actually got to enjoy a bisexual experience with their wife girlfriend or significant other. Lol, I'm one of the nine.
     
  15. Mittimer

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    I'm not sure it really sets up unrealistic expectations. Just because I've dated and had sex with women doesn't mean I want to have have that same experience with another person present or while being gawked at. Any expectations you have after discussing a sexual past are set up and crushed by you and you alone.
     
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  16. 10_3XL

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    This one hasn't been an issue for me. From Day One of us being together we've practiced total openness and honesty. Some things took a bit longer to be said - it takes time to build up trust and comfort to match the openness and honesty - but it's all been said at this point.

    We've had the talk about "How Many" and "Who Did What." For me, it didn't dig up any jealousy or resentment or whatever. It really didn't amount to much of anything. That might be due to the fact that we both started pretty damn "vanilla" and have done more learning and exploring together than with any prior partners. Also, it helps to use the mindset that @Nixie mentioned above -- You're the one who's "won" in the end, so why bother about what came before? (Except, as @Mittimer stated, it could have an important impact on your safety/health.)

    Why get hung up on your partner's sexual history? It's history. You learn from it and move on and (if it's bad) you don't repeat it. Why allow what they did in the past effect your view on what they will/won't do now? If they're that stagnant of an individual, then I question why you'd want to be with them.
     
  17. sensless

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    I'm very open about my life, in general, including my sexual life.

    It's wrong to assume someone will do something with you, just because he, or she did it with others.

    l get this a lot. Like you're talking about sex and how much you love sex, then a man assumes you'd want it with him.

    Some men make you feel like sex, some let you cold. Perhaps physical attraction isn't there.
     
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  18. Nixie

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    That sentence should be required reading for every guy on the planet who thinks otherwise. When I'm having sex with a girl, I'm having sex - not performing for someone else's entertainment! :confused: :p
     
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  19. Sagittarius84

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    it's all about the timing. If it's something that you let me know after we are an established couple, then yes just you sharing your past. if it's something that you make sure that I know during the dating process, its bait lol.
     
  20. HazHardHat

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    nothing to add here that hasn't already been said except that its discussions like this that make this site so awesome and invaluable. Its so nice that you can get all these different perspectives and have it on a thread where it is being explored in a mature/respectful way. Great topic of discussion @Zazzles !
     
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