open relationship?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by xocalliebabe, Feb 24, 2013.

  1. xocalliebabe

    xocalliebabe New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2013
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    PA
    hey guys, just letting you all know i'm new here and thought i'd post my issue. i'm 22 from PA and my bf is in school in boston. right now i'm in a long distance relationship and just recently my boyfriend brought up being in an open relationship until we lived closer. i agreed that we should but to be honest i'm not sure how i feel about it. i mean i don't know the rules and i'm not sure i can handle knowing he is with other girls and stuff while i'm not. any advice on what i should be doing?
     
  2. AGFUNK

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    3,974
    Likes Received:
    3,237
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    IL
    You should be talking to him how you feel about it. If you're not comfortable with being in an open relationship then you shouldn't be. He likely just said that because there is women that he wants to fuck and he doesn't want to feel guilty about it.

    Also you really only need to post one topic about this not two.
     
  3. tiffers

    tiffers Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2012
    Messages:
    310
    Likes Received:
    22
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    california
    You need to really be comfortable with this before you agree to it, otherwise it will ruin your relationship.
     
  4. Meee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2010
    Messages:
    2,198
    Likes Received:
    3,094
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    Hi. Welcome to the forums.

    So, are you saying that you could handle it better if you were with other people too?
     
  5. xocalliebabe

    xocalliebabe New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2013
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    PA
    well i guess in a way i would feel like we're atleast even. he's at school and i'm kinda in the middle of nowhere and cant really meet anyone so i feel insecure i guess.
     
  6. qtpieforever1122

    qtpieforever1122 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2013
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    California
    PM me, im dealing with a similar situation too
     
  7. Meee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2010
    Messages:
    2,198
    Likes Received:
    3,094
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    My humble ( ;) ) opinion is that there are so many ways to keep a long-distance relationship satisfying all in itself without turning to anyone else in some supposed open relationship. There are so many ways to communicate and share, and build up the excitement in anticipation of trips home. Discuss with your boyfriend ways to keep your relationship close and meaningful. If he still insists on an open relationship, then there are other issues going on.
     
  8. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,965
    Likes Received:
    5,078
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    At 22 I doubt that you have the necessary life experiences behind you for such an arrangement to work.
    Clearly you have agreed to something that you should have been involved in setting up the rules upon instead of blind acceptance.
    You are both young and he seems unready for a serious monogamous relationship so in your place I would let him go for the moment.
    Don't sell yourself short in this or that could be the setting the scene for the same flaky existence for the rest of your lives if you stay together.
     
  9. sandwich

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2012
    Messages:
    2,614
    Likes Received:
    2,411
    Gender:
    Female
    What Bushy said makes complete sense to me.

    It also hit me that maybe you don't want to stir things up and end up losing him, and that you may end up doing something you don't want to do just to keep him. Maybe I'm reading into it and that's not a possibility, but if what I am saying rings true, then compromising your desires/needs in a relationship can mess with your self respect. You are far more valuable than that, and there will be someone else who sees that. So if what you want is monogamy, then I would make that clear and then let him go if it's that important to him to sleep with other women. If you go against what you truly want now, what else might you compromise in the future?

    There are a fair number of people on here who don't remain monogamous, and they've worked that out with their partner(s) because it's what they want. We all tend to have our different kinks, and if open relationships are not for you then just be true to yourself.
     
  10. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2012
    Messages:
    672
    Likes Received:
    55
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Michigan
    if you;re not comfortable, don't agree to it. i learned this the hard way. long distance relationships are hard work. i wouldn't be able to do it, and i give kudos to those who can, but an open relationship is even harder work. you never really know how you will feel about it until its actually happening, and sometimes the consequences are just too much. don't do it if you feel uncomfortable about it. and dont make any decisions about it until you see him face to face to discuss it, its hard to read intent through text/email etc.
     
  11. sexydave

    sexydave New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2013
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    HI,
    not good on rules of relationship but the open one.. really has to open on both side it gets tricky when one wants more and other is not ready... words jealousy and envy come to mind.. thanks for sharing.. new to forum.. trying to come out of my own lil shell..
     
  12. Chelle74

    Guest

    My husband and I are in an open relationship; but we were married for 12 years before we opened it up. There was at least a year of talking before we did anything. If you are unsure about this, please tell him that you are not comfortable about this. It will be very hard for you if you don't.
     
  13. AtkCCC

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2012
    Messages:
    682
    Likes Received:
    300
    Gender:
    Male
    The idea with an "Open Relationship" does not sit well with me. That being said, Wifey and I do play but mostly as a couple. We have certian rules that we abide by. With the exceptiion of a few prior planned times it is always as a couple.

    My thinking, and some may agree or not. The beginning of a realationship is not the time for sexual exploring with other people. Again...my thinking.
     
  14. Clintriprock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2012
    Messages:
    362
    Likes Received:
    172
    Gender:
    Male
    My wife has been in open (poly) relationships before. Her take is that they worked out well but took a lot of energy to juggle things and keep her primary lover from getting jealous. She would never consider one with me because of the deep love and also because I satisfy her sexually in all areas so there is no need to need another partner. I've been in fuck buddy relationships while having a steady girlfriend with everything out in the 'open" and it never worked out because of the jealousy factor
     
  15. Cappy_Dick

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2011
    Messages:
    2,288
    Likes Received:
    2,647
    Gender:
    Male
    If you're going to loose him, you will loose him either way. He obviously has his eye already on other prospects. If you say no, he'll end up breaking up with you eventually, because he's probably already nailing someone else. Yea, like how are you to know while he's off leading the college life, while you're stuck in the boonies with no one to otherwise fill your needs. If you say yes, he's probably still doing someone else and you'll just be his side pussy when he's home on break.

    Unless you have a serious talk about maintaining a serious and committed relationship while he's getting his degree and you can sincerely believe him, you'd be better breaking it off now, then getting hurt when after 4 years of college, he tells you he's moving on and with someone else. If the pickin's are that bad where you live, you might consider moving to a more populated area.

    xx
     
  16. xocalliebabe

    xocalliebabe New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2013
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    PA
    thanks to everyone for the advice
     
  17. CumwithmeOK

    CumwithmeOK New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2012
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    Hi, A old fart here, Been around the block a few times? To be truthfull Ya,
    better just let it go. Time will be the answer, I know it's not fun for you.
    But, Don't sit around an worry Have some fun because he is I'm sure.
     
  18. xocalliebabe

    xocalliebabe New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2013
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    PA
    thanks it's just tough but i know what you mean. it's just hard to go out and have fun when you live in the middle of no where and he lives in a city and is in college lol
     
  19. ISOParadiseCity

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2012
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    IL
    A guy in college is likely having a lot of fun.
    I knew a guy dating one of the gals in a circle of friends way back when.
    The woman was just gorgeous. Physcially had beautiful face, and a sexy sexy body. And in the bedroom she was quite awesome (I much later found out :D ). The bf was in college, and cheated on her A LOT. When people are in college, there is so much opportunity for sex. It's just insane.
    I'm sure not everyone cheats, but the OP is probly best off to let this guy go. To many odds stacked against her.