One Crazy Situation

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by TearyGirl47, Feb 28, 2007.

  1. TearyGirl47

    TearyGirl47 New Member

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    Ok...My Fiance and I have a semi-open relationship. We've had 3-somes before with other women and I love it. I love being with women and watching him be with another woman. I love being with him with another woman in bed...BUT...well...Let's start from the beginning.

    Before my fiance and I started dating, he was speaking to another woman whom I shall refer to as Nancy. He and Nancy enjoyed eachother's company and had had some pretty good sex. The problem with Nancy is that she lives 3 or 4 hours away. Nancy left town and they still talked on the phone and such and then he met me. We began dating and we are now engaged.

    About 4 months into our dating, my fiance asked me how I felt about 3-somes. I, at the time, did not know how I felt about it. I didn't know if I could watch the man I love be with another woman. He told me that he was still talking to Nancy and that she would like to have a 3 some with us. Nancy and I spoke a few times and to make a long story short, we all had sex. I loved it. I thought it was so hot to have my fiance look at my while he was with another woman. The sex was really good, but while we were doing it, I got the feeling that she was really not into me. She wouldn't touch me or try to enhance my pleasure. I later found out that she "got upset" and felt that we "used her for sex", which to me was completely rediculous. Well, to make a long story short (yeah, I know...too late) Nancy is back.

    I don't think I've made this clear but Nancy has feelings for my fiance and he has feelings for her. He's told me that there is a connection for them when they are together. I think that's what makes my situation so difficult. The feelings involved. I don't think I would care if he didn't like her. I know he loves me and I know he doesn't want to be with her permanantly, but It is so confusing and furstrating. I just don't know what to do about it. So there you have it all...well most all. What do you think?
     
  2. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    It sounds like Nancy may want him back. If he still have feelings for her and tells you this, I might think twice about marrying him. You are still very young and starting out a marriage with him always wanting "the extra" girl, man, I just don't know about this guy. How would he feel or react if you wanted another man to join in with your sex? It should be a two way street right. See what he says to this, might help you make the right decision.
     
  3. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    This reminds me of something i have been
    saying on this Forum for 3 years, Never Ever swing with someone you know.
    Nancy could very well feel that She is being used,
    Just think, To get back with your Fiance She had to do a 3 some.
    Now what is it that you will have to do to keep Him.

    Run While You Can or you will be the USED Woman

    Hiker:sf

     
  4. pirouette

    Gold Member

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    BigHiker is right. Unfortunately, she isn't a swinging partner. She's his old flame. There's a big difference. They already have a relationship and an emotional bond. Allowing it to continue will only bring them closer.
     
  5. AnonymousOne

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    Ahem ...

    Tell the harpy to get lost.
     
  6. loveit247

    Gold Member

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    Tell him to get rid of her or you will get rid of him, simple as that. Never be the second woman in your own relationship and never swing with friends or exes!
     
  7. Logger

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    Dear Teary Girl 47,

    There are several approaches to handling your feelings.

    One is a no contact letter. You ask your betrothed to write Nancy a letter, explaining that he is stopping all friendly contact. Have a way to confirm that he has stopped contacting Nancy, and is not taking her calls.

    Secondly is to tell more people about Nancy. Affairs often are partly contiued by denial dynamics. You can ask your fiancee how to explain to your family about Nancy.

    Many relationships and marriages do not handle swinging very well. It is not so much a question of whether you find enjoyment in swinging, rather a question of whether swinging enhances the trust in your relationship, or creates areas of doubt. Marriagebuilders. com has an active section on rebuilding after an affair.

    Trust is an important part of a marriage where swinging works. If you are still thinking swinging is something you want to continue, check swingersboard. com for some approaches to maintaining trust.
    .
     
  8. TearyGirl47

    TearyGirl47 New Member

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    I appreciate everyone's advice and honesty. I agree that the best thing to do is tell her to get lost or at least not be "intimate" with her like that. Somewhere in all of the feelings being thrown around I stoped thinking about what is BEST for me emotionally. I really do appreciate the help.