Older women who dont want sex

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Teresa1214, Jul 20, 2013.

  1. Teresa1214

    Teresa1214 New Member

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Mississippi
    I am 47 and have a very strong sex drive. I have a friend who is 42...married and her husband is around the same age. She says she has no desire to have sex again. She is going through menopause. She says she doesn't care. But I bet if she found out he stepped out of the marriage, she would be shocked. How can women like this expect their husband to go without sex?
  2. HotForHoney

    HotForHoney Gold Member

    Messages:
    5,842
    Likes Received:
    2,126
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    US
    I guess bc they took vows for better or worse? Maybe some people value things other than sex in a marriage?

  3. Teresa1214

    Teresa1214 New Member

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Mississippi
    Well if they want to honor their marriage.... they will not deny their husbands.
  4. Mittimer

    Mittimer Gold Member

    Messages:
    5,781
    Likes Received:
    166
    Bullshit. Honoring your marriage has nothing to do with denying or not denying your husband or wife. It means working through things. It means talking about things. It means doing what you can to be there for each other and show love to one another.

    Menopause isn't a choice. It's not mental. It's a health condition that all women will eventually go through in their lives. While she is going through this, her hormones will be totally fucked up and she may not want sex now, but a month, a year down the line, who knows? Add a hormonal supplement, things can change too.

    Being married doesn't mean being subservient to your husband. It doesn't mean giving him everything he wants despite your own feelings. If he's "stepped out" of the marriage, an oh-so eloquent way of saying he's cheated, then he's a sorry human being and doesn't deserve to have her as his wife.
  5. Meee

    Meee Gold Member

    Messages:
    1,409
    Likes Received:
    236
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    Photos:
    49
    I'll bet she knows he cheated. That's why she's giving up and claims she doesn't care.
  6. Mittimer

    Mittimer Gold Member

    Messages:
    5,781
    Likes Received:
    166
    I completely agree with you there.
  7. boobjob

    boobjob Gold Member

    Messages:
    1,404
    Likes Received:
    196
    You contradicted yourself there Mitt. First, you gave a very reasoned answer explaining that it is not not uncommon for a woman physically to lose desire. Ie no fault of anyone, let alone the husband. I didn't understand OP to say hubby had cheated only that OP was concerned that he would. So I have to diosagree here guys. Please don't blame a husband without more facts.
  8. backcheck64

    backcheck64 Gold Member

    Messages:
    2,397
    Likes Received:
    124
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Missouri
    And there's a reasonable expectation of at least SOME sex in a marriage. Sex is part of marriage. If you flat out refuse sex, you're violating one of the basic parts of marriage. One or both should agree to a divorce, a marriage without sex is not a marriage, they are roommates. Let him get it somewhere else.
  9. Teresa1214

    Teresa1214 New Member

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Mississippi
    I totally agree with you. She even has said that she knows they won't be together forever. My sister is going through menopause..and she went to the doctor and got on some hormones. This has helped her tremendously. She is not bitchy all the time and she has a really good sex drive. I have discussed about her going and getting on some hormones to help her and so her family could be around her. She says she doesnt care. If she is miserable...her family can be to.
  10. Teresa1214

    Teresa1214 New Member

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Mississippi
    I never said menopause was a choice. But this woman does have the choice to get on some meds that could help her. My sister is going through menopause and she got on some hormones and it has helped tremendously. I have discussed this with her. She says if she is miserable...her family can be.
  11. HotForHoney

    HotForHoney Gold Member

    Messages:
    5,842
    Likes Received:
    2,126
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    US
    So it's not just she doesn't have a sex drive, it's she wants to make everyone miserable....that changes things. He still shouldn't step out. Misery loves company.
  12. Mittimer

    Mittimer Gold Member

    Messages:
    5,781
    Likes Received:
    166
    I agree with meee in the fact that she knows he's probably cheated which is why there's the "i don't care" thing. I'm not positive where contradicted myself. I'm sure I did somewhere though as those posts were made very late at night and in a good amount of pain.
    Sorry about that.
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2013
  13. Meee

    Meee Gold Member

    Messages:
    1,409
    Likes Received:
    236
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    Photos:
    49
    This isn't about a woman who doesn't want sex. This is about a woman who is hostile to her family, her husband, and her marriage. It might be about menopause, but it might be about a bad marriage that has included cheating. Is it really "honoring" a marriage if you have sex with your husband just to try to stop him from cheating?
  14. Teresa1214

    Teresa1214 New Member

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Mississippi
    She is making her children and everyone around her miserable. Her husband will probably leave her when her kids are out of the house. I told her this if she doesnt change. She says she doesnt care. I cant blame him. I was in a miserable marriage with a man who was impossible to live with. Misery didnt love company in my case.
  15. backcheck64

    backcheck64 Gold Member

    Messages:
    2,397
    Likes Received:
    124
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Missouri
    How hard is it to just lay there if that's what it takes? Just a small effort. My wife had the Novasure procedure done, she's hitting menopause with little problem. No much in the way of mood swings or hot flashes. We think it's a result of the procedure. My sister on the other hand was a bitch before, and has now turned into superbitch on steroids. I have no idea how her BF stands to be around her.
  16. Texas_Red

    Texas_Red Gold Member

    Messages:
    2,313
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    How about we flip this shit around? Men don't have menopause, but how would you ladies feel if your man suddenly wanted nothing do with sex, became a raging asshole all the time, making you and everyone around him miserable with his attitude, etc. etc.? Certain;y, cheating is not an okay option, but realistically, neither is no more sex. So take a moment to flip this around and wear the husbands shoes for a moment, and tell me how some of yourselves would cope sans sex for and extended and presumably permanent stretch (including the assumed non-open relationship, etc.).
  17. Meee

    Meee Gold Member

    Messages:
    1,409
    Likes Received:
    236
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Potomac, Maryland
    Photos:
    49
    Once again, this isn't just about sex. It's about a bigger problem with a relationship. The no sex is just a symptom. I wouldn't tolerate a relationship that didn't have sex, but I wouldn't treat it as a sex problem. I wouldn't ask questions on this forum as if it were a sex problem. I would treat it as a relationship problem, and I'd try to explore what was going on with the relationship. Fix a relationship and you might find that the sexual part has been fixed too.

    In this case, it might be a medical problem. But I don't think it is. I think the problems from menopause are just the latest round of problems in this marriage. It's a hook to hang blame on. Some of the posts in this thread have been too focused. They're trying to create one narrow problem that would get an easy "Of course you're right!" answer.
  18. Essene

    Essene Gold Member

    Messages:
    1,290
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male
    You have to also realize that his androgen levels have been dropping since around age 30 or so. I didn't read all of what was written here; but he may not care either.

    I agree that she should try to appease him in some manner (sexually) but if the chemical (hormonal included) imbalances prove too much- I'd just masturbate a lot if I was him.

    Also Mee, there isn't a situation in existence that has only one issue associated with it.
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2013
  19. Essene

    Essene Gold Member

    Messages:
    1,290
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male

    Men do go through an altering of hormonal changes. Based on name alone, no men don't go through menopause. But if we negate the semantics, they do.
  20. Texas_Red

    Texas_Red Gold Member

    Messages:
    2,313
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    Rational enough.

    Not of the same type, and not really nuking sex drive altogether. Not that I've ever heard anyway. Sex drive drop in men is usually due to a number of other things.
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2013