ok so I am going to vent it out

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by -G-, Aug 10, 2005.

  1. -G-

    -G- New Member

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    Alright I will try and keep this short but after 6 years it will be tough.

    I met the woman of my dreams in college at age 19. I had a reputation for being a player when I met her but I knew right away that I wanted more from her. We went out with mutual friends and I confessed to her that I was interested in dating her. Well I guess she thought I was just laying a line on her because after we slept together that night and I tried to persue her she acted really uninterested. So I said screw it and we hung out with mutual friends until she appreached me. By this time I knew her a little better and while I really did like her still I was worried about how different we were. Let's just say she is "Park Place" and I am "Mediterranean Avenue". Basically I told her that she was use to things that I couldnt provide her with and that money would tear us apart. After she convinced me that it wouldnt matter we started dating and we didnt sleep together for about 3 months to make sure it wasnt the sex.

    Ok I will fast forward some of this. The relationship and connection between us was incredible. We both learned so much from each other but from the start out lives were ripping us in 2 different paths. See she had no expenses in college and was a hell of a student. She finished her Masters in engineering in the amount of time I "almost" finished my BS in science. She was on the fast track and I have been fighting for every opportunity.

    Well with what seemed like an inevitable doom for the relationship I sank into a self pitty, depressed state. This was my wrong doing but to give you background on it I have a gift for seeing the future. You see I was already in a similar situation after high school - (dated an older girl. I was senior in HS she was freshman in College. She decided she wanted to see what was out there). So due to that, I saw this one coming a mile away but for some reason I took a chance on her because I cared for her so much.

    We had issues right before she moved to the other state but we decided to give it a chance. I stayed in town to finish school but I became so burnt out and I had a deadend job that was sinking me financially because my school was located in such a small town. So after a couple of months we seemed to really be missing each other and both of us agreed that we wanted to be close to each other. We decided I would move to her large city and get a job, then after a year go back to school to get in state tuition. Well I made the move and I was excited.

    Finding a job was hard. I had high standards and so did all the jobs and it took me about a month and a half to find a good one but I did. There was only one problem with all this. She was not communicating with me anymore and she was closing up. Now here is the problem. She has a sick father the entire family is going through some hard times. After trying to talk to her and getting her to open up, AND cutting back on my bad habits like gaming, playing online to much, and just various stupid things, I thought her issues were because she was going through a lot at home. So I gave her some space. She was making friends with people from work and I hung out with them a few times, but I didnt want to smother her.

    I noticed one guy above all the rest who was a manager in another department at her job. Basically rich, a little older, and SUPER friendly even to me. I was worried but I didnt want to be the jealous guy.

    Well we got into another fight (we rarely did fight) and I was going to end it all because I was sick of feeling so lonely. She seemed like she wanted to keep things going and we both decided to sleep on it. Well I woke up and ecided that I liked waking up next to her and that after 6 years of an amazing relationship we should work things out and she agreed.

    Here is where is goes to shit. She went on a 7 week traveling on the weekends kick. Some were to see friends, some family, I went on 1 with her to a family gathering but we didnt really have any privacy. Our schedule was like this. Durring the week, she would go out with work friends and on the weekends I wouldnt see her. Well at the end of it I was pretty pissed and feeling very lonely. So I confrunted her and said I would like to spend some time with my girlfriend. She said she just didnt know what was up with us and that dispite our efforts it wasnt working and she needed time to decide what she wanted to do. Well after flowers and all that jazz, I though things were going to pick up, but I recieved an EMAIL while I was at work basically saying that she wanted to break up because she just didnt have it in her anymore. Well I was pissed, hurt, confused and all the other shit that came down the line - but I thought something just wasnt right. It took me 2 weeks of packing up my shit and trying to get her to talk to me to find out that she basically had developed a crush on the guy at work and wanted to see what was out there. Mr. "should I buy a condo or a porshe boxter". I guess she met her "Boardwalk" after all.


    I really am confused about this crap and would like to hear your opinions on my situation. I want a friendship with her because she was the closet thing to me ever but I dont know if its healthy - I am still in love with her (she is pretty much the woman of my dreams). Was I done wrong? Was she right to leave? Was I an idiot to even take this plunge? Will we ever get back together? should I even give her a second chance if the opportunity arrises?
    if you read all this thank you.

    -help
     
  2. Eros

    Eros New Member

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    Sorry to hear about your situation. It is never easy.

    It sounds like there may be some self esteem issues. It might be beneficial to work on those as a priority and can have several positive results: 1) if she doesn't come back it will be beneficial for you and your next relationship to deal with some of this, 2) it will give you something to focus on other than this unfortunate situation and 3) she will be more excited to come back if she thinks that things are going to get better. People are usually attracted to confidence.

    In case I sound judgemental let me confess - I have had, and still struggle with self esteem issues. Counseling and self help books have done a world of difference. It has helped me be a better partner. Also my wife and I still have some issues. She feels more comfortable sticking with it when she knows that thinks are likely to get better because I am actively working on it.

    A couple of your questions:
    Were you wrong and she right to leave? There is no right or wrong in a moral sense. Just what may be right for each person to do for themselves at the time. You seem like a very good and caring person.

    Were you an idiot to take the plunge? In my opinion it is rarely wrong to take plunges for love. Actions for love are often the most noble.

    One last thing and then I'll shut up. The whole thing on women liking guys with money. Most aren't that superficial but often do want some financial security. Job, hard worker, steady income these are traits that are often associated with 'good husband ' material because these traits are needed within the relationship. But whether the income is $20'000 or $200'000 is usually not as important to the woman as the overall traits and character of the person. I could be wrong.


    Best of luck.
     
  3. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    No, you're not wrong, Eros. MOST women are smart enough to know that money alone is not going to give a man character and integrity. Sure, it's nice to have extra money, and it's hard on a relationship at times when money is tight, but the depth of a couples' love often is strengthened in the hardest of times. If a woman's focus is primarily on social status, I'd venture to say she's shallow and self-absorbed. It's hard to build a strong, lasting relatioinship with someone like that. (IMHO).

    "G" - just a little 'postscript' here: I don't know if it's possible to have a friendship with a woman that you are still in love with. It's like committing emotional masochism. I would hope that, after the grieving period, you would be able to reach out and make new friendships/loves, but be aware of warning signs, should you be attracted to another 'high-roller'.