"Oh" she said..

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by confused_lad, Jun 21, 2008.

  1. confused_lad

    confused_lad New Member

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    Hey every1

    I've got a bit of a problem. I've got a new girlfriend, and we've been together for about 3 months now. It didn't take long till we started getting sexual with eachother, seeing as we both trust eachother completley.

    About 3 weeks ago, we tried having sex. For me this would have been the first time, not for her. The problem was that I couldn't get a hard enough erection for penetration. I don't understand this, because during foreplay, I do get a hard enough erection, and getting one when i'm on my own isn't a problem either. Whereas the thought of having sex with her gives me an erection, actually having sex doesnt seem to work :(

    I dont understand why I cant "keep it up" as soon as we try to have sex, and she doesnt either, and she says its okay, but I can tell that shes disappointed. We've tried 4 times now, each time with the same result, and the most recent time, she got really upset, thinking that she wasnt good enough to get me turned on. Of course this cant be true, because I am completley in love with her. I really dont want this to affect our relationship, but im sure it will if this persists.

    So it must be something to do with me.. but i dont know what :uhh:

    I would be very happy if anyone could give me some advice on what to do,
    or share some similar kind of stories to try and work out whats up.

    Thanks for listening (reading:p)
     
  2. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    OK, dude...since you don't have the problem any other time, I'd think it's got to be psychological. My guess would be that you have performance anxiety or something like that, especially since it's your first time but not hers. You're probably worried at some level that you won't be able to satisfy her since it's your first time, and that's resulting in a loss of erection.

    So, talk to her about it. Get her to understand that it's not her, and ask her to help you! Perhaps you could lie on your back and let her stroke you or suck you (69 each other for that matter)...then when you're nice and hard, she can just hop on top and start humpin'. Or...perhaps try lubing yourself up with her lying on her back and helping you...if you've never used lube before, rubbing it on ought to feel quite good (and take your focus off any confidence issues), then when you are hard, it'll slide right in much easier. I think if you successfully do it once, you probably won't have the problem again. In fact, try to turn this into a positive and playful experience for you both rather than a negative one for you both...call it the "Get Me In Project" or something. :brow

    You have to lay down any pride or ego to get her to help you...but if you're going to be close long-term partners you'll have to do that anyway. ;)

    HTH,
    BD
     
  3. confused_lad

    confused_lad New Member

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    Wow, quick response :O
    thanks a lot dude, really good advice. Im not sure what it could be psycholoigcaly thats causing this. I dnt think that im worried about performing, at least thats what i keep trying to tell myself..
    I'll talk to her about it tnite anyways, and see what happens.
    Thanks again! "Get me in Project" Ha xD brilliant :p
     
  4. igor

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    Yes - it's performance anxiety for sure. And you often cannot tell the reason, so don't sweat it - the more you worry about it, the worse it will be. One thing to think about - are you using condoms or at least some kind of BC? Sometimes there is the lingering fear of pregnancy that lurks in our brains.
     
  5. Joe

    Joe
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    Performance anxiety for sure. You were nervous the first time, quite naturally, and no lift-off. After that you were worried it would happen again. If you worry it won't happen, chances are it won't.

    What I'd suggest is a visit to your doctor to get a couple Viagra (or Cialis, etc.). It's not something you're gonna need, but they're powerful pills and should help you get past the frustrations.

    Also, and probably more important than any pills, be sure you're rested and not drunk, and if you're worried about anything (getting caught, pregnancy, etc.), take care of that too.

    Talking it out with your gf should help remove the pressure from you. Maybe you should just agree ahead of time to NOT have intercourse, but some good, hot petting. That'll help remove the pressure and might give you some confidence for the next time.

    Good luck!
     
  6. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Make a deal with her to have "less than sex" at least for a few sessions. Agree to have her only give you blow jobs for a couple times in row. That takes the pressure off you to perform.
     
  7. cbrmale

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    I'll second Joe's advice. If you get partly hard, but not enough for penetration, then ED medications like Cialis should take you the extra way you need to go, psychological issues or not. Psychological performance anxiety is a hard one, because once we experience it, it plays on our minds, making it more difficult next time. Something to break the cycle can help you, and this will ease your girlfriend's frustration as well.
     
  8. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    I'm not normally the dominant partner, but when my SO and I first got together he was a virgin and I wasn't, so I had him lie down on his back and I got on top of him. This was pretty much the only way we did it for about a year, allowing him time to get used to having sex. Now he's usually the dominant partner and I can lie on my back with my legs in the air, just the way we both like it. Of course we sometimes spice it up with other positions, but that position is our bread and butter.
     
  9. confused_lad

    confused_lad New Member

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    Thanks for all the advice!
    I was thinking about using viagra or some sort, to just break the chain of it not happening, then ease off it. But Im kinda nervous about taking a drug for this kinda thing. Anyone got any experience with it? Does it give u an erection straight away? How long do you have an erection for? Any info wud be great :)
    @Igor: Im not using a condom, but she has got a female condom (cnt remember what its called just now)
    @Pussinboots: I think that sounds like a great idea, probably let me relax and help to not worry.
    Im very grateful for all your help! Gonna have a chat with her later today:p
     
  10. confused_lad

    confused_lad New Member

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    An afterthought:
    Should I ask her what she thinks about using viagra, or best just keep that to myself?
     
  11. igor

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    If you can normally get an erection on your own and masturbate normally, the stay away from the viagra type drugs. YOU DON"T NEED IT! You don't have a physical problem!
     
  12. Joe

    Joe
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    Confused, if you decide to try an ED med (Viagra, Cialis or Levitra) visit with your doctor about it. Don't get something else off the internet. See your doctor and take it under his supervision. You might ask if he has any free samples. I've been using it for about 10 years -- not always, but I normally use a little. I cut the pills into halves or quarters.

    None give you an instant erection; they just help the blood flow so the erections are quicker and firmer. You'll still need to be aroused one way or another before anything happens. Your erection should go away when you're no longer aroused, although it might last a little longer than without the med. You'll get the most benefit from them an hour or two after you take them. Time of effectiveness varies a little from Viagra to Cialis to Levitra. Levitra claims it works the fastest; Cialis claims it lasts the longest. I've tried all three and would agree with those claims.

    I was a little surprised when I first started (with Viagra) that it seemed to last so long. I'm thinking the half-life is somewhere around four hours, so at around 10 hours it's only 1/4 as effective as it was at its peak, at around 2 hours. In retrospect, I think it was because I was using too much -- 100 mg, the highest dose prescribed. That meant that 10 hours after I took it, it was still working as though I'd taken 25 mg (smallest dose made) an hour or two earlier. Larger doses also increase the likelihood that you'll suffer side-effects like blushing, headaches, etc. Taking more than you need does not make stronger erections; it just increases the chances for problems.

    Side-effects I've noticed are blushing and a stuffy nose. As long as I keep the dosage low I don't notice any problems.
     
  13. igor

    Gold Member

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    YES YES YES - All guys should read this. Especially the part about having to be aroused before anything happens. These meds DO NOT mean instant erections on demand!
     
  14. Barbwire

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    Another thing I want to add about ED meds. My husband is on Cialis and sometimes, during foreplay, he gets raging hard, but when its time to penetrate, he is soft again. It's a very frustrating situation for the both of us. So, ED meds aren't the magic bullet that people think they are.
     
  15. HardRocker

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    As for Viagra, take it on a nearly empty stomach. If you have eaten anything containing fat, particularly animal fat like steak, the fat will bind the drug and it will be good for nothing. And as Joe said, no alcohol before sex. That can seriously interfere.
     
  16. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    A lot of guys go through this... so it isn't just you.

    The first thing I want to say is avoid taking any kind of ED pills.. that is the worst thing you can do.

    When I first started having sex I couldn't stay hard when it came time for penetration. I was so upset and confused and thought there was something wrong with me also.

    My g/f was sexually experienced and all her other b/f had huge hard ons as soon as she got their pants off and when they got inside of her... we where very close, but she got upset after about the third or fourth time...

    I was laying on the bed and she started flapping my soft dick back and forth and she said.. "what am I suppose to do with this?"

    So I pushed her off me and faced the wall... she apologized and went up to the bathroom... she came down and I was in the kitchen and she came up to me and kissed me.. and said "I'm just gonna start calling you 'floppy dick' ok?" and she started to laugh...

    I was so hurt I wanted to throw her out and never talk to her again.. but I manned up and chuckled a little and said "ya I guess"...

    She promised to be patient with me and she wasn't... I felt like a total loser and my self esteem hit an all time low.

    But I worked my way through it and within a month or so I was totally fine and by month 2 I was the dominant one who controlled most of the sex... positions.. initiating.. etc..

    There is no way you can feel any worse than I did way back when... and if I worked through it, so can you bro.

    Here is what worked for me... get her all wet with foreplay, then put her legs up on your shoulders... this is the easiest way to enter a woman, because you only have to be semi-hard to get inside (assuming she is wet)... if you aren't hard enough to slide in.. rub the head of your dick agt. her pussy until it is hard enough to get inside of her...

    Once you are in start to kiss her and think about how great her warm, wet mouth feels.. and also focus on how good her tight pussy feels... this should really get you pretty hard after a couple of minutes.. glance down from time to time and watch your dick slide in and out of her... focus on how good that feels and enjoy the visual pleasure of it all.

    Just keep doing it this way until you gain more confidence... shit will be fine, you are normal bro.
     
  17. confused_lad

    confused_lad New Member

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    Fliteskates,thanks so much.. I can seriously imagine how hard that must be.. her saying she'll call u floppy dick.
    Im glad you managed to get through all that hastle, and just hearing that you got through it definatley makes me a lot less worried about my situation.Really think this will be out of the way soon now. Thanks a ton!
    Just one question, if her legs are on my shoulders, how the hell am i supposed to get down to kiss her :p
    anyway i'll give it a go!
     
  18. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Flite...as usual, a great and insightful post from you. Excellent advice on technique!

    BD
     
  19. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Stretch, bro! :lol Good luck with it all...

    BD
     
  20. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Ya it was hard, like I said I felt like I wasn't a man anymore... so I seriously doubt if you feel any worse than I did.

    Just lean in, girls are flexible bro - most of them love this position so its a win-win.

    If you hurt her she'll let you know, but I'm sure it won't be a problem - this is a really common position.