oedipal sexual fantasies

Discussion in 'Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies' started by laisydayla, Nov 1, 2008.

  1. laisydayla

    laisydayla New Member

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    OK so I am new to this forum. Came here looking for some advice. I am in a relationship with a young man who is 19 years younger than I am. We met online and became very close friends over last spring. We have met in person three times. It has been a very rocky relationship as he has a lot of emotional issues related to his family that are very hard for him to deal with and make him a little hostile at times to the point of completely shutting me out. We're working through that, he knows its not acceptable behavior and he's trying to make changes in that area.

    One thing that has come up recently though, that I wasnt sure about at first but now is completely out in the open is that he has oedipal issues in a major way. He has recently started talking about it with me openly and this morning sent me a txt msg asking me if I would consider acting out the fantasy with him. Its just a fantasy so it doesnt bother me too too much but I'm concerned about where it all may go and what it all means.

    As it so happens, my first boyfriend and I are still friends after 25 years of knowing each other and he too had oedipal issues, albeit not nearly to the degree that this person does. When I told him the person I was involved with was 19 years younger than I am, he immediately jumped to this person having oedipal issues and told me that I was only headed for misery in this relationship.

    After my guy asked me about acting out the fantasy with him, I emailed my friend and asked him to tell me more about this complex, at that point I didnt know for sure that my old boyfriend had these issues as well, but for some reason, when I thought back on the dynamic he had with his mother when we were growing up, I had a sense that he did. He confirmed my feelings and said that after years of therapy he has worked through them but he told me again that as far as what I can do to help, ending it is about all I can do. He said that it's like dealing with an alcoholic--the first step is for him to quit drinking.

    He said that guys with unresolved Oedipal issues generally are looking to fuck their mother. That I, in this case, serve as a proxy for that role (I didnt tell my friend that he had actually asked me to act out this fantasy with him). He said that the older a boy gets and doesn't get this worked out, the creepier it gets. He said that hostility toward women can also result from this, (As previously stated, he can be hostile towards me at times so I guess I'm seeing some of that but I never see him hostile towards any other women in his life. Just me when I step on an emotional landmine by mistake), so it can be ugly if not handled well and that I am not in a position to give him therapy, which I have tried to do in the past and have had it back fire on me to such a degree that I no longer attempt it.

    I have grown to love this person very much and I am not ready to end this relationship yet. I dont know what to do or how to handle it or what it all means. I just know that there's something about our friendship that is so special to me and even though a lot of times it really sucks because we have so many things to work through, when its good its amazing. He and I both know that the relationship will not last forever, he has too much pain associated with love and emotion to be able to sustain a long term relationship. I'm just not ready for it to end now and I dont know how I should feel about the entire situation.

    Sorry to throw a lot of information at you all at once but I have a lot to work through with this situation LOL

    Any thoughts or advice on any of this?
     
  2. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Yeah.


    This isn't about this boy or your old boyfriend; it's about YOU. Something about you draws these type people to you and you are attracted to them as well. For one thing, it's ridiculous to be 'in love' with someone you've met three times. Sounds to me like you are rather quick and rather unconditional in your love. Maybe that's not fair, but, hey, I only play a shrink on line and the pay sucks. :D

    However, are you kind of a nurturer/giver type? I'm guessing, and only guessing, that you're giving off a 'mommy' groove to guys and the ones that have/had issues with their moms, she didn't love them enough, didn't breast feed them, didn't tuck them in at night and read them stories, whatever, that the ones who are looking for that are attracted to you because you give mommy love; unconditional.

    However, you're not their mom, so, it's 'safe' or OK for them to feel sexual attraction to you. Then, that bounces around in their melon and, viola, they're freaking out with the passive aggressive/mommy didn't love me/this person is mommying me/I wanna fuck her/that's gotta be fucked up/thing.

    Or, they could just have gas and need to change their diet/get more exercise?

    Oedipus complex is something I can't relate to, at all, and it sends off an instant warning bell, like people who claim to like sushi, that something is awry because the idea of sex with ones mom, to me... shudder ; yuck.

    Your old boyfriend knows you. He probably, presuming he is objective concerning you, and he probably is after all those years, he probably knows what he's talking about.
     
  3. laisydayla

    laisydayla New Member

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    Hmmm, I can see where your coming from with that however, my first boyfriend was older than I was and I met him when I was 13 so I definitely didnt nurture or mommy him at all. But yes, I am unconditional in my care and concern for the person I am with. As far as me being in love with him and only having met him in person three times, I dont really agree that its necessary to be with someone in person to love them. We met in a game environment and have spent 15+ hrs a day together for the last 8 months nearly 7 days a week. We have gotten to know each other very well at this point so I believe it is possible to love someone in that situation.

    But definitely, I make this younger guy feel mommied and I am old enough to be his mother so I can see the attraction there. I'm with you, I cant relate to the complex either and it definitely sends of warning bells to me that there are problems but I knew that before this part of his psyche emerged. I dont even really know what I'm looking for as far as answers go to be honest, I'm just trying to make some sense out of it all.