Now THIS is punny shit!

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Barbwire, Sep 5, 2007.

  1. Barbwire

    Gold Member

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    A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD !!

    Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.

    A pessimist's blood type is always — b-negative.

    Practice safe eating — always use condiments.

    A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

    Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

    I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

    If electricity comes from electrons — does that mean that morality comes
    from morons?

    A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

    Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

    Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

    Banning the bra was a big flop.

    Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

    Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

    A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

    A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

    Without geometry, life is pointless.

    When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

    Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

    When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

    Alarms: What an octopus is.

    Crick: The sound that a Japanese camera makes.

    Dockyard: A physician's garden.

    Incongruous: Where bills are passed.

    Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

    Pasteurize: Too far to see.

    Eighty year-old man arrested for attempted rape.
    D.A. refiled as assault with a dead weapon.


     
  2. HardRocker

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    Another one for my funny folder.
     
  3. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Some of those are a bit high on the groan factor, but I love that kind of stuff. Thanks for posting.

    Loved "Khakis"...had to think about that one for a few seconds. :lol
     
  4. cook74

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    A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

    :rofl:rofl Priceless!
     
  5. Stormy

    Stormy New Member

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    Girl, you crack me up. :lol
     
  6. Bella

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    Ok CL, I'm saving this one! :rofl
    ~Bella
     
  7. jgood4u

    jgood4u New Member

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    Great CL! need a few more?



    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

    The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

    The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his Work.

    To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

    When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

    The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

    A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

    Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

    We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

    When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

    The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

    The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

    The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

    If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

    A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

    A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

    A will is a dead giveaway.

    Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

    A backward poet writes inverse.

    In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

    A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

    If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

    With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

    Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

    When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

    The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

    A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in linoleum blownapart.

    You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

    Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under

    He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

    A calendar's days are numbered.

    A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

    A boiled egg is hard to beat.

    He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

    A plateau is a high form of flattery.

    Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

    When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

    If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

    When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

    Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

    Acupuncture: a jab well done.