Not sure what to do?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by XIII, Dec 12, 2007.

  1. XIII

    XIII New Member

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    I've been with my gf for about 4 months now and she's moving about an hour away. I like her quite a bit. I asked her if she still wants to see me and she said we'll see. When I'm with her she's not distant and I get the feeling that she likes me as well but not as much as I do (which is understandable). Anyways basically the only times I can probably see her when she moves is on Saturdays as she's quite religious and will be at church on Sundays and weekdays I'm at work.

    The questions:

    Should I still see her or am I wasting my time? I know that through time when people are apart they will find someone else and especially being religious on her end she'll probably find a Christian guy. I'm an agnostic. Should I cut it off or just let it dwindle out slowly?
     
  2. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Step...


    ...up and just accept it. You already know it's over and it is simply a matter of time, right? So, you're young, you're just dating anyway, life goes on. Ask her out on a 'goodbye' date, telling her you know it's best if you both just move on and it's OK, you understand. Tell her all the things you like about her and will miss. Set the tone to enjoy the date for what it is, a last hurrah.

    With a little luck, she'll celebrate the good stuff as well, you'll end up with a very passionate 'good bye' evening and everyone leaves happy and as friends, perhaps a bit melancholy but better for the experience and fond memories instead of the whole lock her up in the basement thing, the FBI, the investigation and probably getting shot to death by Jodie Foster bit. :eek

    Relax, have fun. It's a good thing. Think of it not as an ending, but as a new begining. That way, when you get some in her hair, who cares? She's leaving anyway. :lol
     
  3. heelfetish

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    I was going to respond, but LP beat me to it, and IMO covered just about everything. :)

    It sounds to me that the relationship is fairly casual, and in that case, I'd do as LP suggested and end it on a good note. It was fun while it lasted, no? You both will move on and be happy. Or, the separation will make you realize that what you had was much more than that and you'll do what it takes to make it work.

    Good luck! :)
     
  4. cook74

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    An hour away is nothing if you don't let it become an issue. Unlike the other two that have posted, I say give it a go. If it doesn't work out at least you can say that you tried. If you like her enough then any distance is no distance at all. :shrug
     
  5. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    I'd have to agree that this is probably over. You are young and may not realize it, but I would tend to think the fact that she is religious and you are agnostic really doesn't bode all that well for a future together. Make the most of that last hurray for both of you! If it's meant to be, then she'll reach out to you after she's moved.

    BassDude
     
  6. cook74

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    But Bass, my partner was a devout Catholic before she met my non religious ass. And we are getting along fine except for the wedding vows stuff. Once we get over that hurdle we will be sweet... :nerv
     
  7. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    An hour away isn't really that far but it does depend on factors like if either of you can drive etc.
    I would say try it but be ready for it not working. Chances are it won't but at least you will have given it a go and can walk away with no regrets.
    And the christian/agnostic thing isn't necessarily an issue. I'm Catholic and my partner is athiest and we get along just fine.
     
  8. cook74

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    Thanks Emerlyj, I just didn't word it as well.
     
  9. Dreama

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    Do you think she's really that into you? If so, discuss your feelings with her!
     
  10. indagroove

    indagroove New Member

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    Mixed signals are not uncommon from a girl that doesn't know what she wants, or is trying the catch the eye of someone else.

    While 60 minutes in didstant is not that much, your energy would be better spent else where. She is not going to return anything you give. I doubt you'll see a return on your investment.

    I would drop her cold. Maybe after a c ouple of months, she'll reflect on what she had. If she liked it, she'll call you. Just don't let her play you.

    Just Say No to DRAMA !
     
  11. heelfetish

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    I agree that 60 minutes away is not that far. When my wife and I first met, we lived an hour apart, and I thought nothing of the drive. My ex was 30 minutes away too. It wasn't so much about the distance that made me suggest leaving, it was the other things you said. How she didn't know if you would stay together after the move, and how she probably didn't feel the same way about you that you did towards her. Right there it sounds like the relationship is either casual, or on it's way to ruin already. Add 2 hours of driving just to be able to visit each other, and you've got enough to break an already strained relationship. :)
     
  12. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    :D Well, there are absolutely no hard and fast rules where human beings are concerned, right? If it means enough to both of you, you can overcome anything, including differing views on religion. In a practical sense though, I think having one partner highly religious (as I gathered is the case with original poster) and the other partner agnostic is just "one more thing" to not understand about each other over the long term. And understanding each other is a big part of making things work long-term, IMO.

    To put this completely candidly, for instance...20 years from now, the non-religious one may think the other is some sort of religious freak or nut if their faith grows (which tends to happen as you get older and realize your own mortality), while the religious one may come to think the non-religious one has no values or morals to guide their life decisions other than some arbitrary rules, which can easily change (religion tends to provide some absolute rules that don't change, although their interpretation often does change). Can you see how unresolvable conflicts are hiding under the covers of these two differing perspectives?

    And this can become an even more important consideration when/if you have kids...one parent wants them to be exposed to religion at an early age to give them a well-defined sense of what is right/wrong, while the other thinks it's a bunch of ridiculous hocus pocus crap. Can you see how that takes some serious work on understanding to overcome?

    Anyway, in a nutshell, differing religious views certainly doesn't mean it can't work, but I think it should be a consideration now that it might require extra effort to accomodate each other's differing views down the road.

    BassDude
     
  13. XIII

    XIII New Member

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    The religious bit is fine with me I respect anyone who has a belief in something and that is their choice. I used to be a christian myself but am no longer. As far as the distance goes as well that doesn't bother me as I do alot of driving anyways in my line of work and it's actually probably only around 40 mins away. We are currently living together at the moment but she's not moving away because of me but rather to avoid troubles with her family as they are right near by. Which is understandable as I myself am about 12,000miles away from any of my family. I guess I'll give it a go and see how it goes from there.
     
  14. Bluesy

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    You've obviously put a lot of thought into this decision and it sounds to me like you're doing the right thing :) As far as religion goes, I don't think it has to be an issue because people change over the years, their views on religion may change, as well...I think it would be a shame to give up on a relationship because one person is a theist and the other is not. What seems to determine the success or failure of a relationship when beliefs vary so much is the degree of respect that each partner has for the other's beliefs/lack of beliefs. As long as the non-believer admires the faith and devotion of the believer, and as long as the believer admires the self-determination and spiritual independence of the non-believer, and as long as neither has any desire to convert the other, there's no reason why you can't have harmony. One of my closest friends is a fundamentalist Christian (I'm an atheist). She prays for me whenever I'm going through a difficult time, I appreciate the love and concern that are inherent in such a gesture, and neither of us tries to persuade the other to believe any differently.
     
  15. XIII

    XIII New Member

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    Just thought I'd give a little update on what happened. Anyways my gf moved out about 3 weeks ago and said she would still see me. This was right before the holidays so it helped. I got back last weekend and on Monday she called me saying that she wouldn't have time to see me. So I asked her if she didn't want to see me anymore, but, she said she did but didn't have the time. I basically said that if she really wanted to see me she would make the time. Well I left it at that and thought it over thoroughly and on Tuesday I sent her an email letting her go and said that if she still wanted to be with me she would make the time and basically said good bye. Received an email from her and she said she thinks this is the best thing to do at the moment. Obviously there was more emotional stuff in it but that's the basic gist of things. So it's now finally over and I believe I did my very best to make it work and that she needs to deal with her difficulties. Anyways thanks for all your advise and listening. Will be back for more advice on my next gf.
     
  16. Bluesy

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    Aw, I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie :( I'm sure it is for the best, though...If life were truly fair, we would only develop feelings for those people we're at least 85% compatible with. Alas, so many of us get attached to the "wrong" people. It sounds like you're maintaining a health perspective on the situation, you've asserted your needs and weren't willing to settle for less...I say you'll recover in good time and find yourself the Right One before long :) Take care, hon, and don't be a stranger! Stick around, learn some new tricks to wow the future Ms. Right with! :brow ;)
     
  17. XIII

    XIII New Member

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    Ya, just having a bit of difficulty with it cause she was really hot and I liked her personality as well. But hey I'll get over it.