Not sure what sexuality I am

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by curious, Aug 9, 2004.

  1. curious

    curious New Member

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    I'm female, 19 years old, and I'm not sure if I'm bi or straight.

    I find men attractive, but then I also find some women attractive (including my best friend) and when I read erotic fiction, I like reading about lesbians as well as heterosexuals.

    But...I don't find many women attractive, just some. Does this mean I'm bi? Or do all women find other women attractive to some extent? Is there some kind of test or something that will tell me if I'm bi? Or am I just bi-curious? I don't think I would object to being in a relationship with a girl, but if it came down to it I might not have the courage...so really, I don't know.

    And for a while I know I've been attracted to my best friend, she's female too. But I know she's straight. Is it wrong to be attracted to your best friend? Sometimes, when we've been drinking together, I've been tempted to tell her that I find her attractive. In fact I've even told her she's beautiful, because she is, and I don't see how anybody could say she isn't. And also when we've been drunk I've wanted to kiss her, and I've also taken advantage of the fact that nobody minds seeing two drunk girls holding hands, and I also put my arm around her if it feels right. I don't think she suspects. At least I hope not.

    So is it wrong to be attracted to my best friend? Are other girls attracted to some extent to their best friends? I've known my best friend now for 8 years now: can you become sexually attracted to a friend if you've known them for a certain amount of time?

    There's something else I could add that could help people 'diagnose' me: I work in a shop at the moment as a summer job...and I look at girls' breasts and I'm a girl myself. But I also look at men too. I don't like all girls...some of them look 'cheap' and false. Too made up...others, I do find attractive. Like my best friend. I think she's beautiful and I'm also sexually attracted to her. But I've known her for quite a while.

    I know these are stupid questions, but I'm curious.

    So could anyone tell me if I'm Bi, or Bi-curious?

    Because I'm really not sure.
     
  2. Hug_It

    Hug_It New Member

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    Well I wouldn't worry about labeling yourself... as long as you do what feels right to you it's all good.

    I have heard a lot of women say they have similar feelings so I would imagine it's probably more common than you think... it would be nice if you could talk to your friend about it but you would be the authority on whether or not she would be comfortable having that discussion.

    Do you just imagine having sex with those women you find attractive or do you want a loving relationship with them?
     
  3. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    having feelings for your best friend is perfectly normal... especially at our age. first girl i ever 'fell in love' with was my best friend. i think its because they know us best and we feel that we can be ourselves.

    as far as being bi or bicurious or whatever... i consider myself bi now, but it has taken me 6 years to decide that...before i just considered myself VERY CONFUSED...

    sexual feelings of any sort take a while to sort out, especially if you were raised in a family type situation where 'straight' was kinda pounded into your head.

    and if she is your best friend, tell her, if you think she will understand... MAYBE just maybe, she's just as confused as you are...:brow maybe things will turn out good, ya know? :brow
     
  4. curious

    curious New Member

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    I imagine having sex with them, I suppose. I imagine what they would be like naked, anyway.
     
  5. curious

    curious New Member

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    Why, are you a similar age to me? And is it then normal to be attracted to your best friend, do other people do it too?

    I get the impression she's perfectly straight... :-(
     
  6. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    yes, i turn 19 in a couple months....
    there another thread here: http://sexualforums.com/talk/showthread.php?p=8476#post8476 that talks about being attracted to friends...

    and as for the impression that she's perfectly straight....i used to give it too...when i told one of my friends she was so suprised that a nice long stream of explitives (which i wont repeat) came out her mouth... followed by "but your so, STRAIGHT".... i'm not sure if anyone can be COMPLETELY straight
     
  7. curious

    curious New Member

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    I'm confused even more now.

    I was at my friend's BBQ last night, and there was a group of us, about 7 of us, and when we went inside and listened to music, a male porn magazine was passed around. I've never seen such a mag before, I've only seen porn on the Net and only a little at that, but when I saw this magazine...I didn't find it at all erotic. In fact, I thought that the men's penises (erect of course) looked pathetic... Is there something wrong with me?! Or do other women find such magazines non-erotic? It just had men posing, that's all.
     
  8. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    well, i gotta say that i agree with you on that one...no offense to the guys or anything, but a males body just isnt "pretty" to me... a guy may be attractive yes but if i were to chose looking at naked women or naked men, i'd chose the women
     
  9. curious

    curious New Member

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    I don't know, I'm really confused at the moment. I suppose only time will solve my problems.
     
  10. Frank Grimes

    Frank Grimes New Member

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    I could be way off base here, but who cares. Why don't you experiment and find out what you like? I think at some point if you have sex with men and women, you'll know whether you like one, the other or both. I don't think you'll know for sure what you "are" until you've experienced both sides of the sexuality equation.
     
  11. curious

    curious New Member

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    Yes but I have never had a romantic relationship with anybody and I am not going to jump into bed with the first person I see, I need to be in a trusting and loving relationship, thanks for the suggestion anyway.
     
  12. KoenigNazgul

    KoenigNazgul New Member

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    Curious, I find myself rowing in the same boat. I too have some feelings for my best friend. He and I joke at times about being gay or bi, but I'm real nervous to let him know how strongly I feel about him-I feel that I have a lot lose if he gets weirded out. So I'm here looking at the advice others have given you and hoping for more advice for myself at the same time. I wish Giancarlo were here to answer, he's so full of wisdom...
     
  13. s1ng1nf00l

    s1ng1nf00l New Member

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    Well, are you interested in girls too? Have you ever dated girls before? Is this the only guy you've ever liked before? Is it just him that you're attracted to? You can't just determine your sexuality by one person you like, or even an event that occurs between you and another person. Whether you've had a sexual relationship with the opposite sex or same sex before, it does not determine you sexual orientation or prefference. It's much deeper for some people than just one crush.
     
  14. KoenigNazgul

    KoenigNazgul New Member

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    All the people I've been interested in historically have been women. Never had any sort of a sexual experience with man. My aforementioned friend is the only male I've held such feelings for. I lost a 1 1/2 yr relationship with a girl in January. Still mostly attracted to women, but I identify with and love my friend so very much.
     
  15. curious

    curious New Member

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    Eh Koenig Nazgul that's how I feel too.
    It's weird.
     
  16. KoenigNazgul

    KoenigNazgul New Member

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    To bad we can't meet each other and try adding some strength to the boat we both sit in. Row in unison instead of floundering...
     
  17. curious

    curious New Member

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    Ah how poetic :D
     
  18. s1ng1nf00l

    s1ng1nf00l New Member

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    But like when you masturbate, do you think of the same sex? Is it something you think about often? Do you find yourself checking out other people of the same sex? Though none of these things could even determine your sexuality, they are all helpers...
     
  19. curious

    curious New Member

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    Yes, yes and yes.
     
  20. hil_hil

    hil_hil New Member

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    You have to remember most women get turned on by other woman..more than other..the most extreme are lesbians then bi then the normal people.