Not Sure If I Want Him Anymore

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by sexynzgirl, Jan 9, 2007.

  1. sexynzgirl

    sexynzgirl New Member

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    This will probably be a long post so please bear with me.

    My boyfriend and I got back together a few days ago for the 8th time. We've been together for almost 9 months so it hasn't exactly been stable. Throughout the whole time I've been in love with him and I've only broke up with him once throughout that whole time, so the other breakups were all him. The most recent break up was on boxing day and we had an arguement in which he pushed me round a bit, he said he didn't want to be with me anymore when we talked after the arguement. I feel/felt hurt about the violence but still missed him like crazy and cried myself to sleep most nights because I missed him. Now that we're back together after me basically begging him to, I have this feeling in the back of my mind that I don't want it anymore. I am really confused because of the way I felt when he left me and I'm very attracted to him so I'm not sure how I'll feel if I tell him I'm not sure about us anymore.

    If I stay with him, it might just be much of the same which means lots of arguements and fantastic sex, I feel like the sex is what bonds us and I can't seem to get enough of it but we're lacking in other areas. I want to move cities and go to university and he doesn't want to do that for another whole year at least. I'm not sure if I can handle being here for another whole year when I'm not sure if I want to be with him anymore.

    How can I cry myself to sleep and then when I have him back become unsure? I'm worried that I felt more upset about the rejection of being hurt and broken up with, instead of being upset that I didn't have the man I love anymore. I can shake the unsureness for a little bit, but it always comes back. My friends are telling me that maybe its time for a fresh start but I'm scared I'll regret it and think 'I so shouldn't have broken up with him'. How do you figure out if its love or just an intense lust? I haven't felt this much sexual chemistry with anyone else ever.

    Any advice would be much appreciated, thanks everyone who reads this to the bottom.
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Advice? Pack your bags & get out. Immediately! (unless it's your house - then pack HIS bags, & kick him out)

    Abusive behavior only escalates... the fact that you've been together less than a year, and he is already displaying violence toward you is very disturbing. He is a ticking bomb. Problem is, when he does finally detonate, whatever (and whoever) is within close range will be destroyed as well.

    This is not about 'love'... or about 'fantastic sex'.
    It has nothing to do with 'sexual chemistry' vs. 'rejection'.

    It's about you maintaining your dignity - and quite possibly your health and life.
     
  3. Dreama

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    Dump the guy. He is never going to be any better for you. Abuse in a relationshiop should never be tolerated.
     
  4. heelfetish

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    x2. Leave him, and leave him now.
     
  5. Timon

    Timon New Member

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    leave him and don't look back

    i'm a guy, i know guys and i can tell you one thing,

    guys don't change,
    especialy not the violent ones

    seen it already,
    girls seem to think they can change guys,
    but eventualy, they can't

    and they end up being unhappy for a large part of there lives


    it happened to my mom
    and she was unhappy untill the moment i threw that
    piece of filt outside and she got divorsed

    my dad was a sneaky, piece of mind twisting dirtbag
    and my mom believed him every time,
    always made up after a beating and sutch

    to sum up how bad it was...
    i have no father as far as i'm conserned

    well i think you get the picture,
    save yourself a lot of trouble and find yourself a nice guy
    and stay FAR away from the ones that you think you can change
    into a nice one
     
  6. smallpackage

    smallpackage New Member

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    A beautiful lady like yourself will have no problem finding someone new. Trust your what your brain is telling you.
     
  7. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Honey, it can be love, the strongest love you've ever felt, and maybe the strongest love you'll feel for a long time, but still be bad love. I think it's true, that sometimes we can't help who we love. The thing is, this is where you are supposed to love and respect yourself more than anyone else. You must. You are the only one who always will!!! How does this man make you feel about yourself? About life? About love? It seems to me with the ups and downs of nine months this man has had you on an emotional roller coaster so intense that nothing else in life could have your time. Am I right? So your perspective is a little biased right now. It's gonna hurt. I know. It's gonna hurt a lot. And there are gonna be moments that it hurts so bad that you wish to simply die, and you'll be tempted to run back, to beg him to take you back. You cannot. Love yourself more! You will never regret loving yourself like you deserve to be loved, and demanding respect. Never. The fact that you have to ask for respect shows that this man does not love you the way a good man should.
     
  8. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Sexygirl:
    You have been together 9 months and broke up 8 times.
    and yet you call it love, Why for Gods sake are you still
    wanting a guy that would break up 8 times. Its obvious
    to everyone here that he is just using you and he probally
    doesnt have the least bit of love for you, He is only using you.
    Listen to what everyone is telling you, WALK NOW.
     
  9. Joe

    Joe
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    Oh yes, get out now. It'll only get worse.
     
  10. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I'm getting the feeling that our lovely friend from New Zealand knows what she must do.. perhaps what she needs is a little more of Mel's compassionately handed words. It's easy for me to have spoken so point-blank, but it's much different to be in the middle of the love/pain.

    It's hard for many women to break away emotionally - for whatever reason. Starting over.... being alone.... losing the friends that "they" have acquired as a 'couple'. Regardless of the giant strides gained in the past 3/4 century, being someone's 'woman' still tends to give some sort of credence to many females. We want to feel someone needs us, can't live without us, and because of that need, we tend to overlook or deny obvious warning signs that the relationship is harmful and bad.

    Maybe we could offer some strategies for her to use in order to make 'moving on' easier.

    I vote for following your educational goals. Go to the city that you have chosen. Get involved in your studies and better yourself - FOR yourself! Being in full control of your future and your financial package can make for a huge boost in self-image and self-reliance. You're blessed to have the opportunity - give it everything you've got! And good luck! :grouphug
     
  11. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Sexynzgirl, he's got you in the classic emotional trap that effects so many women, and let's be honest, so many men as well.

    When you have a strong emotional connection with the most abusive guy then it can be hard as hell to leave him. Being with him wears you down, drains your energy and your self-esteem. When he tells you that you are clueless and worthless, you believe him. You tell yourself that he's right and that you don't deserve anybody better.

    Well, you do! He just made you forget that very important fact.

    I stayed with an abusive man for ten years before I was finally able to leave him. Please, don't let this happen to you. For your sake and your future lovers' sakes, get out while you are still relatively undamaged.
     
  12. downloadking

    downloadking Member

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    It's simple! You feel the love and he don't!! But you will be much better off without someone like that!! And soon you will find someone who will respect & love you for everything that u are!!
     
  13. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    It's simple to those of us looking in. It's not our heart. It's not simple to walk away, even when we KNOW we should. It's not simple to heal. And it's certainly not simple to give up the one thing you want more than anything in your life, because it doesn't want you.
     
  14. sexynzgirl

    sexynzgirl New Member

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    Thanks everyone this advice has been really good, now I just have to work up the courage to do what I know is right. I feel so sick at the moment and I really don't know when to do it. This is horrible. I know I'll feel better when its done though. Thanks.
     
  15. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    When to do it. Sweetheart, do you know you want to do it? Is that your choice?
     
  16. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I have one I'm not sure if I want...... anyone wanna take over???
     
  17. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Sexy Girl
    I just wish we could hold you and let you cry on our sholders.
    But we cant. But the best we can do, we have done, Encourage
    you to leave, The sooner the better. Do it and never look back
    Their is lots of good men out their. find one.
     
  18. Jayce

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    What he said times 498593934.

    Do it now.

    Thank us later.
     
  19. Hot Wheels

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    (QUOTE)
    I don't know if I should break up with my boyfriend or not. We've been together for almost three years but I find myself fantasising about having sex with other men constantly. Sex with him is just not interesting for me anymore but I feel really guilty about feeling this way. Does anyone have anything to say that could help me? I seem to end up feeling like this eventually about all my relationships. Is it me or have I just not found the right person...(QUOTE)

    Is this the same dude who bitched about your smoking,embarrassed you with his attitude when drinking,has assaulted you when arguing before and then had the nerve to put you down over your previous occupation???
    The answer's clear NZ Girl...piss him off now... you'll be so much better off and it'll give someone who genuinely cares for you a chance to make both your lives such a joy :)
    Be rest assured, you will find someone.....you deserve so much better..:)
     
  20. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Three cheers for HotWheels! Taking the time to research the past shows true thoughtfulness and caring :tup

    Now its YOUR turn to recieve the ":sf Sex Therapist Award" :)