Not ready/starting a new relationship

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by HotForHoney, Mar 11, 2015.

  1. HotForHoney

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    What have your experiences been with starting a new relationship with someone says they "aren't ready"?

    It could be financial reasons, not over their ex, still hurt by the ex.

    Thank you for sharing your stories.
     
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  2. 10_3XL

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    Actually, as it turns out, I was the one who claimed "not ready" for the vast majority of my life - from those first "relationships" back in high school; through the more authentic relationships that developed once I got older; over to my first real, authentic, and adult relationship.

    And that relationship wasn't until about 2 years ago (forgive me for lack of precision, but my sense of time is wretched). The kicker is that both she and I really should have claimed "not ready" on that one but didn't. It ended horribly for various reasons - one of the main ones being that, though we wouldn't own up to it at the time, neither she or I was "ready" for an actual relationship. There was a lot wrong with that relationship, but that's a whole other long story.

    With that ending, though, I moved more or less directly over to my current relationship. But.........

    Neither of us felt ready, or as though we would be ready any time in the next eternity.

    D wasn't feeling ready for any sort of commitment because her life was so hectic - just finished school; still relatively new to the area; not sure what she was going to do for a job - let alone a career; a bunch of drama with her roommates and not sure how long or even if she was going to have a place to live; her family trying to get her to move back to Prague with them ... oh, yeah, and there was this guy that kept showing up and attempting to charm the pants off her adding to the turmoil. (Hint: that guy was me.)

    In spite of my rather dogged pursuit of her, I wasn't feeling ready for a relationship myself. There was the bad, abrupt, and totally unexpected (that should have been totally expected) break-up I'd just experienced. Then there was my trying to deal with a lot of self-doubt regarding my ability to ever have a successful, committed, long-term relationship (spawned by the aforementioned break-up and the fact that no relationship I'd been in prior really deserved the title - they were all more myself and another young person trying to figure out what the hell these relationship things were even about). Add my lack of direction, paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle, and skewed priorities (focusing solely on the Here & Now/Instant Gratification over The Future/Eventual Pay-Offs) and the result was - as I said - me being "not ready" for a relationship.

    Then something absolutely insane happened. We both decided to shrug, say "Fuck it," and go for it because if we waited to be ready we'd be waiting for a very long time and probably missing out on something worthwhile.

    Even more insane than that? As far as I'm concerned that was the best decision I've ever made. If I'd paid attention to that nagging voice of "Don't do it! You're not ready!" then I never would have ended up where I am now in Life, with this amazing woman that I absolutely love and adore and who seems to think I'm pretty alright most of the time probably.

    I think that people need to be less caught up with asking themselves, "Am I ready?" If you stop and try to apply logic, rationality, and reason to something that is emotional then you'll do your head in. I'm not saying to be completely devil-may-care and to leap before looking all the time; but don't over-analyze and let the things like "Well, I'm broke" or "But I don't know what we'd do" or whatever other ultimately petty excuse your brain comes up with prevent you from pursuing something that could possibly be an incredibly positive thing.

    And that's my ¢37 (too long to claim it was only ¢2).
     
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  3. Cappy_Dick

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    not ready.jpg
    xx
     
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  4. lbushwalker

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    'Stralia Mate!
    Not ready = not committed = stay away.....for now!
     
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  5. Alwayslearningsex

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    I favor taking those words at face value, something can backfire if it is forced.
    I was there once, I told someone I had huge feelings for her after she would tell me she was not interested in being serious, but she did an about face when I told her, that she wanted to try with me.
    As much as the fondness and desires were there, we were not ready for each other.
    It left a scar on my heart at the beginning even if lots of great moments, it took a while to feel fine from it.
     
  6. HotForHoney

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    I'm wondering, did it work/not work because you were right/wrong or was it because one wasn't ready?

    Too many variables.
     
  7. 12barblues

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    In my 50 yrs... I've only had two relationships., lol.. So I guess I can't say much here.. :)
     
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  8. Candela

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    Two relationships in 50yrs says mountains about you xo
     
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  9. 12barblues

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    The first one lasted almost 30 yrs, this one almost 5..
     
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  10. Candela

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    I just love that little dog!!
     
  11. BlueCollar

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    I was coming off of my first(and hopefully) last divorce. We were co workers that hooked up. I started falling pretty hard for her. But she was only having fun.
    I took some humble, solid advice from a good friend that told me: " It's a rebound for you and a piece of ass for her." Which when I really looked at it, that's exactly what it was.
    That good friend that gave me advice…is now my wife.
    I've told this story before, but I like it pretty good so...
     
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  12. backcheck64

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    Only had one relationship, fucked a lot of chicks but nothing over a couple of three months. Never wanted a relationship before this one, too busy having fun.
     
  13. Candela

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    Takes time to hopefully find someone that has lots in common with you or you with her..Anybody can go get fucked but it takes a special bond between the both of you to make it work..Sometimes you have somebody willing to be in a relationship and the other half has no clue..Good luck xo
     
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