Not quite sure what to make of this..

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Barbwire, Feb 28, 2008.

  1. Barbwire

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    Something happened today that I'm not quite sure how to handle.

    We have a contractor that has been working on our house for months. He is chummy with my husband and I and seems pretty goofy for the most part, not the type to intimidate. I go upstairs quite a bit to check his work and bring him coffee, and oftentimes we bullshit a bit. Because I feel so comfortable with him, I talk openly about sex with him and even showed him one of my stories. I have always made it clear that my creative writing is just that, just fiction and I have never flirted with him.

    Once in a while, he will make some comment about me in a sexual way, but nothing too over the top. I just laugh it off, but never say anything back to him to imply I'm interested in him.

    Today, I was walking past him in the hall and he slapped me on the ass. I didn't say or do anything, just went downstairs. Later on, I had to go back up there and it he was all business, did not say or do anything out of the ordinary.

    Now, I'm sitting here wondering what happened. Should I be upset? I dunno. Should I say something to him? Not sure. I do know I am a bit angry, but not sure if its with myself or him. I don't feel threatened in any way, but I want to make sure it doesn't happen again.

    I have a history of being taken advantage of by men and abused in a few cases. I haven't had another man touch me since I've been married except in one case where a man put his hand on my leg. It totally freaked me out and I ended up basically running away from him. (we were aquaintances and it happened in a stadium while we were sitting in a tight space)

    Am I making too much of this?

     
  2. Mr.Tongue

    Mr.Tongue New Member

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    the only thing I say is he was testing the waters I'm sure if you replied with oh yeah while shaking your ass at him he'd take it as far as he could.
    but being you didn't do that and basically ignored him , and then he was later all bussiness. all should be cool.
    but as he leaves today I'd sure to tell him not to let that happen again.

    good luck and be safe
     
  3. HardRocker

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    I agree with Mr. T's assessment of his intentions, but my .02 is a little different. I think I wouldn't say anything, but if it happens again stand square, look him straight in the eye without hesitation and say, calmly but firmly, "NO."
     
  4. Mr.Tongue

    Mr.Tongue New Member

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    or turn around and kick he in the nuts :D

    if you let it slide he might think he got away with something and try again next might not be so passive.


    or maybe tell him how much your husbands likes playing the banjo. :lol
     
  5. Dreama

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    Yeah, I'd say if he does this again, just tell him not to do it anymore, because it makes you uncomfortable. He may be doing it out of fun, really....But, I agree that slapping your butt is taking it too far. So, next time, if the fun goes too far, just make it clear that you're not cool with it.
     
  6. igor

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    I am thinking that maybe he thinks you kind of asked for some attention. You talked about sex with him and showed him one of your stories. I certainly would not do that any more. And perhaps let it slide unless he does something else that makes you uncomfortable.
     
  7. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I dunno, CL. I'm inclined to think that your 'buddy-buddy' relationship, sprinkled with your sex talks perhaps sent the wrong message. Apparently, he's trying to "read" you though some of his antics.

    I'd suggest making it more business - or at least drop the sex talk and sex stories. Obviously, the guy can only take so much before he's about to explode!! - And we ALL know that you have a way of making the men around you go stark-raving MAD!!! :brow
     
  8. eandvk

    eandvk Member

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    I agree with Rose ....make the relationship a professional one....he has to have taken your sex talk and sex stories the wrong way, cuz I doubt hes slapping any other female clients on the ass......and if it does happen again, make sure you tell him NO and then ask him if this customary of all his female clients!
     
  9. Hot Wheels

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    He's working round your home right....just make sure he's not about to explain the "easy payment" plan....:brow
     
  10. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    If you want to take a conservative stance (and it sounds like you do), then I'd say follow Rose's advice. You might have sent him the wrong message by sharing the stories and discussing sex with him, unless you know him REALLY well and COMPLETELY trust him (and it sounds like you don't). Don't put yourself at anything remotely resembling risk unnecessarily.

    One of my best friends (a guy) once saw my wife in a grocery store, sneaked up behind her, and pinched her on the butt. Being the fiery woman that she is, my wife turned around with her hand cocked to knock the shit out of him :p until she saw who it was, then she of course just laughed and told him he was a freak (which he kinda is! :D). I don't think she knew exactly what to make of it or what I'd think of it, but she came home and told me about it. I just laughed...he is a freak, but he's a harmless freak (and I actually completely trust him). I told her "It's just [name withheld] being [name withheld]...if you don't want him to do it again, tell him so." So, I didn't see it as an unwanted sexual advance...maybe just a corny flirt? But he's a close friend whom I've known and trusted quite a long time (18 or 19 years?), and your situation sounds a little different.

    Ya know, I couldn't actually see myself slapping or pinching a woman on the butt, breast, etc., though (with the exception of my wife, of course ;))...it's just not something I'd do as any sort of sexual advance or even just as a flirt...I'd expect the woman to think I was being disrespectful (I'd feel like I was being disrespectful even if she didn't), and I make it a point to treat women (well, usually people in general) in what I believe is a respectful manner.

    Oh...one exception just came to mind...one of my female college best friends used to slap me on the butt all the time (every time I said something crazy or vulgar, she'd either whack me with her hand or whatever she happened to have available. :p) I'd slap her on the butt back whenever there was a reason. I stopped doing that because she asked me to...I can't recall when, but the request was *driven* by a boyfriend of hers, if I recall correctly. (But even now, she will still occasionally whack me if I say something naughty or vulgar, and I think I recall whacking her with a newspaper or something like that not too long ago. :cool) This is totally different form your situation though...it's her comically putting herself into "mom" stance by spanking a "child" (that would be me! :D ) She's also a very trusted friend that I've known for 22 years or so, and we're completely comfortable in any situation with each other.

    Well...hope some of these anecdotes help you. Don't over-react, but set clear boundaries if his behavior makes you feel uncomfortable.

    HTH,
    BD
     
  11. Howie_t

    Howie_t New Member

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    Hi CL
    I read your post and My opinion might be different from the others,but from what you have been through in the past and I also know from experience.I think if what he did made you felt uncomfortable you should let him know that what he did,you didn't appreciate,because even though you didn't say or do any replies back,who to say that he wouldn't do this again,because I have known simular things to happen,just because that person didn't say anything in the begining and by she didn't say anything in the begining,he thought that the woman didn't mind it and kinda enjoyed what he did.I would nip it in the bud before it happens a again.If it was me I would tell him that even though we have been talking and kinda got to know eachother or have known eachother besides of talking,it doesn't go any futher than that.
    Anyway like I said if what he did made you felt anyways uncomfortable you should let him know and you is the ONLY one know how it made you felt.
     
  12. Barbwire

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    I just want to thank everyone for their input. It means a lot to me to get different perspectives on things.

    As soon as my husband got home last night, I told him about what happened. He just laughed and reminded me what a goofy bastard the contractor was and how long we have known him.

    I feel much better now.
     
  13. slamd097

    slamd097 New Member

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    Being from the construction industry my self, I not personally, have had a few of these little things happen. From his point, you have been talking openly with him about something very personal. He may have taken it in a context that you were not intending. Reading your stories, and talking openly to him about sex may have put him in a spot where he mis-read your intentions. Now he did cross a line and touch you in a manner not approved. If he went about business as usual, then he recognized that he crossed the line, I would not be surprised if he did not show up the next work day. In the past situations, one time they did have at it and ended up giving each other rug burns. Another, I fired the guy, because of how he acted toward her. (you don't pick up he panties and start smelling them, even if she did flirt with him extensively.) Just sharing with ya..good luck..either way, just talk to him, and find out where the miscommunication came from so it doesn't happen again...
     
  14. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Glad you feel better about it CL. If it had been me, I would have bared your ass before slapping it, but that's just me.

    BD