not enough sex

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by sexless, May 21, 2007.

  1. sexless

    sexless New Member

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    hi there, i do have a problem.
    my wife does not have much of a sex drive anymore! she will ask me to go for a hand job if ever im made any advance. so i masturbate everynight for the last 10 years. sex if any would be about once a month if i'm luckly.

    i enjoy oral sex giving it just as much as receiving it but unfortunately my wife is not into it. she ahs never given me head. occasionally, that's 22 years ago, she will allow me to eat her. i really enjoy eatng her and tasting all the juice that she ejaculate when she came but that was all history. i had not had the opportunity to eat her since 10 years ago. i would do anything to be able to taste and smell her vagina but alas that is denied me.

    is there any thing i can do to make her be less inhibited? needless to say i am having to use my hand everynight and that is very frustrating, we are in a monogamous realtionship.

    would like to hear if anyone else is in my predicament and how he handled it.
     
  2. jk440

    jk440 New Member

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    id like talk to her, maybe shes losing physical attraction, maybe shes self conscious about herself

    just have an open conversation
     
  3. LaVitaDolce

    LaVitaDolce New Member

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    I would just sit her down and have a heart to heart talk. Ask her what in the hell is up! Just kidding.. But really see what's bothering her and why she's lost all of her sex drive. Maybe see if she wants to spice things up, try new moves, toys, etc.
     
  4. sexless

    sexless New Member

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    i did try talking to her, but she will no discuss it. she just dismissed it as low sex drive. happy for me to continue wanking
     
  5. Joe

    Joe
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    It probably IS low sex drive, but that can often be helped through medication if she cares enough to try. I had the same problem only worse (no sex at all for 12-15 years), and finally gave my wife one year to explain the problem, fix the problem, or seek medical or psychological help. But she didn't want to change. As far as she was concerned, there was no problem. I divorced her at the end of that year. Of course then she became a party girl for awhile and remarried in less than a year. :shrug

    I'm not advocating divorce, but it might be the only way to change your situation.
     
  6. firststeps

    firststeps New Member

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    This sounds a bit familiar. I tried for years to do something about it, but the person who doesn't want to change always wins! In the end I gave up even trying but it was a bit like cutting your nose off to spite your face! Talk about it and see if you can come up with ways to make you both feel closer and sexy!
     
  7. Howie_t

    Howie_t New Member

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    sexless,
    I know how you are feeling,because I am in the same boat as you.It's been 4 months now since me and my wife have had sex.I just been patiently waiting even though she keep telling me no this time maybe next time or when I'm feeling better.One thing you can't do is to keep bring it up alot and push her into doing it.If you do that then you might turn her off more and more as well as push her away from wanting to have sex with you.These are some things you might try doing to get her in the mood.Schedule some date nights,keep telling her how much you love her,how beautiful she is to you,and do very nice little loving thing such as cooking her breakfast or dinner,give her flowers or a rose every now and then,things like that.She see you doing things like,she will be thinking and saying to herself.This man do care and love me for me and not just for sex.Reason that I am saying this to you,Is that I had to do that same and is still doing it,plus will continue to do it as long as we are living together,because I REALLY do love her for her and the person she is.
    Hope this will help.
     
  8. vampire raver

    vampire raver New Member

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    thats a good idea Howie. I didn't have any suggestions the first time I read this because obviously I have never experienced this.

    But I have had some time to think about it

    You need to remind her why she feel in love with her be cute do some things you did when you where first trying to get into her pants:dgrin

    but seriously just do a few romantic things and don't I reapeat don't mention sex let her come to you spend a day with her

    hell make out with her do all those first time things and show her you love her all over again

    good luck
     
  9. sexless

    sexless New Member

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    thanks for your advice, i do love her , thats why i am still here after 22 years of marriage. i'll keep on trying ;)
     
  10. RainbowMuncher

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    She could have lost confidence in herself.. It would be good just to talk to her, an open conversation of understanding.
     
  11. HouseHunny

    HouseHunny New Member

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    It must be a hard situation to be in. Like the others have said. Go the extra mile to do the things you did at the beginning of the relationship. Many women are suckered into being hopeless romantics. Talk to her, but with an approach that will reassure her that you are ready to hear exactly what is on her mind without getting upset.
     
  12. sexless

    sexless New Member

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    her confidence? more like mine :( its tough to have a boner and no where to go, except the right hand, come to think of it, i think my right hand is bigger than my left now :)
     
  13. Jet Ranger

    Jet Ranger New Member

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    I'm in a similar situation, though not as bad. My wife's sex drive evaporated after the birth of our child. She will typically give me sex about once a week now and will even initiate it, but she rarely orgasms and she seems to do it out of spousal obligation, not because she wants it. We often went for months without sex and it was very hard on me, so I can only imagine what you must be feeling.

    There are more and more couples married longer than 10 years that are enduring sexless marriages. I had to confront my wife and tell her that sex is a need that I must have satisfied and I think she gives it to me because she fears I will go elsewhere to get it if she doesn't provide it.

    My wife saw her gynecologist to talk about her lack of sex drive and that seemed to help somewhat. Ultimately, you have to confront her that you're unhappy and she has to make the next move to seek help if she needs it or the marriage is at risk.
     
  14. Steel

    Steel Member

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    (Jumping on soap box)

    Grab a copy of my favorite relationship book... "The 5 languages of love" by Chapman. It's a great book on figuring out how to bring love back into your relationship by figuring out what types of love you need.

    (Off soap box)
     
  15. Clark

    Clark Member

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  16. afrosam

    afrosam New Member

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    introduce some new stuff?
     
  17. Stormy

    Stormy New Member

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    Thats where I am. Talked, suggested etc... I feel like the fucking live in housekeeper. Hence, I have no problem with the idea of finding some satisfaction elsewhere. To each his/her own.
     
  18. Barbwire

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    Join the club!
     
  19. SexyScorp

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    Uugghh me too

    Marriage is such a passion killer for sex for some of us

    Cant wait to get me a young lover/s when the time is right

    I believe now, more than ever, that monogamy is ridiculous for
    lots of people!!!

    Many of us need MORE, MORE, MORE!!!!!!!
     
  20. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    Is she on a hormon Birth Control like the pill or a Shot? that lowers your labido way down espcially the shot