Not enough emotion during sex

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by AGFUNK, May 16, 2014.

  1. AGFUNK

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    Hubby told me today that I'm not that emotional during sex. He says the physical part is good but wants me to be more into it emotionally. I don't understand how I'm not. I love having sex with him, I'm passionate, talk a little dirty (learning more), I grab him, I'm loud, nails, biting, you name it I've probably done it. He wants me to talk more during but I don't want to describe every single little thing, which it sounds like what he's asking for. Does anyone have some insight for me?
     
  2. HotForHoney

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    Maybe he means eye contact?
    More "make love", not fuck?
     
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  3. AGFUNK

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    He closes his eyes during. My eyes are open more than his. We do make eye contact.
     
  4. 10_3XL

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    If the two of you are married - I'm assuming that there is a pretty profound emotional attachment or at least was at some point. That's something you can't really convey with talking or anything physical (at least not entirely). He might be feeling that you are emotionally/mentally "elsewhere" during sex. And that's a pretty big deal if you're looking for more than just a quick/simple fuck - feeling some sort of attachment and commitment to what's going on is key to really enjoying the experience.
     
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  5. JonJo

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    To me, in my present mood (bad night) let's be maybe harsh - but maybe not.
    Could be he is looking for reassurance.
    Could be he needs his male ego massaging.
    Could be he think he is 'God's gift' and thinks you should constantly tell him.
    Could be he thinks he is doing you a big favour and you should constantly thank him.
     
    #5 JonJo, May 17, 2014
    Last edited: May 17, 2014
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  6. 10_3XL

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    Follow Up After Some More Thought:
    Based off some of your posts over the past week or so, it would seem that when you two are having sex it is only "to get off" and relieve your sexual tensions that aren't satiated by handling things on your own. Whether that is true for you or not isn't really relevant - what is relevant is if he feels the same way. That is especially of note if your husband is looking for a "true" and "intimate" sexual experience and not just to cum. If the sex is only serving as a means to an end then it is not surprising that one or both of you are feeling a sense of detachment, a lack of emotion, or a lack of involvement when you are together.

    My entirely unprofessional advice:
    Set aside some time for only the two of you. No games, no online fooling around, no worries over Life stuff - just focus on being in that moment with one another. See if that does anything for how it feels (physically, mentally, emotionally, and so on) and go from there.
     
  7. AGFUNK

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    I don't feel like I'm just using him to get off. I don't use people like that. I can see how he could think that though. But I can also see the other things too. I hope I can get him to talk about it more.

    I'm working on getting a babysitter for just us time. Really long process. I know we need that. I do feel disconnected from him most of the time.
     
  8. Untamed

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    Wish I had the answers for you :(

    Maybe he's just picking up on the "disconnection" you speak of.

    He needs to be more elaborate about what he wants.. I think to help you make the love making sessions better than it is.

    *huggies*
     
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  9. AGFUNK

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    I just talked to him and he wants me to talk the entire time we have sex.
     
  10. Untamed

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    Wow that seems a bit tedious and I don't see how that could add "emotion" as you would be more preoccupied thinking about what to say next *sigh* :(
     
  11. Untamed

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    Wait does moaning with pleasure count as talking? Eg. Oh yeah... Yes.. Touch me here/there?
     
  12. AGFUNK

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    No it doesn't. I do that every single time through out most of it. He wants me to describe how he's making me feel and tell him sexy stories. I told him that I'm not going to do that since I'll never orgasm that way. I can't focus on what I'm saying and focus on the actual sex at once.
     
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  13. Untamed

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    :(

    Hmm.. Maybe set aside one day a week for a story-telling session?

    In the past I have imagined I'm some little slut trying to make my partner cheat on me.. (Weirdo?) at first I'd be like "Hey.. I was just wondering if you could help me with my homework.. (Bend over in skirt revealing no underwear) at first my parter would resist "I have a girlfriend I, I can't " but as I persist rubbing myself against his crotch he would give in and "take me".

    Then I talked about how I've always wanted him... how I've imagined his cock deep in my pussy... How wet it made me when I thought about it... How I had masturbated thinking about him fucking me and how much more I would please him than his girlfriend.

    I don't know Hun but Re-enacting some sexy fantasies of your own could help you get into it.
     
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  14. AGFUNK

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    Thanks I'll try.
     
  15. JonJo

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    Just a thought ------- Is he going to join in this word fest as well? I thought not.
    See my first reply: he is seeking praise and wants you to tell him how fucking wonderful he is; actually he's an insecure worm - if he was so fucking wonderful he wouldn't have to ask, you'd already telling him.
    He wants you to be just another of his games; on which the 'sluts' give such running commentaries'.
    But wait, on those he plays the woman's parts, so does he give such commentaries.

    Ain't love wonderful: A cock and a pussy together at first, as simply that, can be amazing and then .........................
     
  16. AGFUNK

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    Actually he talks more than I do during sex. He tells stories sometimes. He wants me to do the same and I just don't want to. We have a limited amount of time for sex and I can't get off while telling him a story.

    And that last bit really hit a nerve but I really dont want to get into that.
     
  17. CaramelLady

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    Sometimes I want to talk, or have him talk to me.... sometimes though it is shut up and fuck me....

    I agree with an earlier poster, talking every time in such detail can be tedious. Like yousaid AGFUNK that can take away from my pleasure and enjoyment.
     
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  18. lbushwalker

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    It is a little disconnect thing imho.
    AGF, don't over-read what he has said; instead be happy that he discusses such things with you.
    Sex and love making is a two way thing, nothing is right or wrong and desire, mood & feelings vary.
    Just go with the flow with what seems right at the moment.
     
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  19. boobjob

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    Sounds like he might want stuff like, "O god, I Love you so much, You feel so good inside me, I feel like ewe are one when your dick is inside me. I want to feel like this forever. You are so amazing. I'm so glad you are with me. I love when you touch me there. You are the only one who has ever made me feel this way. Oh god, your make me know what heaven must be like. I love you so much. OOOOhhh just the way you smell makes me feel good, I love the way you smell cause I love you. You are my true love. you are mine. I am yours. you are my (insert pet name here). Oh you know just how to touch me. I love you, I want this to last forever...

    Basically use the word "love" a lot and talk about being "together" and "only him"
     
  20. mactheripper

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    If the sex is not taking you where he feels you should be and if it's just not your personality, whatever you do don't fake the funk! He should appreciate that you're having sex with him.