Not becoming aroused

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by AGFUNK, Dec 28, 2010.

  1. AGFUNK

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    I've been with my husband for a little over a year now. Almost all of the time I don't get aroused enough to fully enjoy sex. We have tried different things, trying out fantasies, handcuffs, etc. Nothing seems to get me wet anymore. I want to try out one of our fantasies, having sex with other people while we watch each other. The only problem with that is that if I get wet and really turned on from someone else I would feel horrible. I'm not sure what to do about us wanting to fulfill our fantasy or about getting aroused for sex. Any advice?
     
  2. SWGirl

    SWGirl New Member

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    1. Have you told your husband about your fantasy, and how does he feel?

    2. Are you having problems with lubrication or arousal? They make artificial lube; open relationship not required.
     
  3. AGFUNK

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    We both want to have sex with other people. I'm just not sure if having sex with someone else would in fact get me wet. If it did I would feel horrible because it would hurt his feelings. Yes, I have tried a bunch of different lubes and they just irritate me and they become very sticky(they're water based).
     
  4. Godiva

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    if he goes down on you, saliva is wet. Seriously! WORKS A TREAT!

    Orrrr, if you orgasm first, many women get quite wet and looser (= less friction = less pain) so that might also be good if he could get you off with his mouth or hand first. Preferably using his tongue and saliva to help lubricate you!
     
  5. looking4

    looking4 New Member

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    had same issue then started using vibrator - combined with fingers for full arousal worked for me. Vaseline is good but not with condoms and make sure to clean well afterwards! Good Luck
     
  6. AGFUNK

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    Thanks for the feedback. Unfortunately he has tried going down on me a lot but it just tickles now. I used to love having him go down on me. He doesn't have a beard or anything so that's not the problem and we've tried several different ways of him licking me and it just tickles even if I am in the right mindset. As for the vaseline I've heard from my doctor that it's not really good to use for lubricant because it is hard to wash out and can cause an infection.

    What we have tried which seems the only thing that works is not having sex for several days and then having sex. We had sex the day before yesterday after three days of not having sex and I did get wet. I really hate waiting days to have sex though. I do have a high sex drive but I just don't get wet. It's very frustrating for both of us. We tried having sex last night and it just didn't work out so we just went to sleep. He tried fingering me, telling me a sexy story, licking me and playing with my clit with his penis. It was painful and irritating because it was basically like a desert down there for me.
     
  7. HardRocker

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    It sounds like both of you are trying to help each other figure out your sexual needs and wants together. That's the best thing you can do. I would bet that over time(of which, you have a LOT) you will figure things out and have a satisfying sex life. I think it's a bad idea to venture out while you are still unsure about each other and your married relationship is only beginning to develop. How each of you acts and reacts with another partner could cause some confusion, disappointment or even animosity.

    I think you should give it a while. If in a couple more years, you two still can't form a compatible sexual relationship, then maybe you can explore other possibilities. In the mean time, just try and remember to love and appreciate each other.

    There are others here at SF who I know think differently, so hang around and see what everyone thinks.
     
  8. Godiva

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    i have an idea, instead of licking you, he could just lick his fingers, then enter them inside you, orrr you could lick his penis, and then have him enter. That way you aren't being tickled but the gadgets are still being lubricated with 100% natural safe saliva!
    Great idea huh!? :)
    *is proud*
     
  9. AGFUNK

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    Thanks Hardrocker, we have decided to wait awhile before we bring anyone else into the bedroom with us. It's a big decision and we should take some more time to talk about it in detail and share all of our feelings on the subject.

    Also thank you Godiva. That is a good idea. We did use saliva last night. It was great.
     
  10. looking4

    looking4 New Member

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    Have you tried talking dirty? or telling him your fantasy in grave detail? I never ever thought I could do that, but I turn off the lights, close my eyes and imagine myself in my fantasy which makes me really wet without him even touching me and it makes him squirm especially when I won't let him touch me "down there" and I am caressing him to full hard on. It may take some practice(about 2 years for me) until I learned by reading the titles of porn clips, watching the scenerios - positions, hot words etc....Also knowing his fantasy and including it will drive him crazy...Oh and don't let him touch you until you are completely naked at least down there - won't lose the juice! Good luck - let me know if it works for you!
     
  11. liddleguy

    liddleguy New Member

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    Part of the whole sexual stimulus thing is mental rather than direct physical contact - have you considered trying Tantric Sex?
     
  12. Texas_Red

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    Could always try a silicone based lube too. Those don't dry out like water based does.
     
  13. lbushwalker

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    Right on TR; silicone lubes like Pjur are silky smooth and do not get tacky.
    Only drawback is no good with silicone toys and condoms but in your pussy and on a bare cock.....heavenly like butterfly kisses!
     
  14. PlayfulTip

    PlayfulTip New Member

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    I have never had a problem with wetness so my situation is slightly different than yours. However, I have discovered that I get extremely soaked just by giving my DH a blowjob. I will be dripping after just a couple minutes. Maybe there is still something out there that you have not discovered that will turn you on enough to get you wet.
     
  15. AGFUNK

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    Yes, we do talk dirty often. He knows my fantasy and I do believe he likes the idea of it but we won't be doing it anytime soon. Maybe years ahead of us. I've tried thinking about different things and I've found that just being in the moment with my husband and seeing how aroused he is helps a lot.

    No, I have not tried tantric sex. I will look into it though. It sounds interesting.

    I have been meaning to try silicone lubes. I've heard and read that they are hard to clean off the body and sheets though.

    I have found that getting in a 69 position, sucking him and not letting him lick or touch me gets me really wet. I love hearing and seeing him so aroused:)


    All in all the dryness issue is getting better. Thank you all for your suggestions I really appreciate it.
     
  16. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    I'm quite similar to you. If i wait 3 days between sex it feels GREAT, but i want it every day, but if i have it every day it feels mediocre.
    I had another idea...
    Are you drinking enough water??? I found one day i got realllly hydrated and it made me really wet. If you don't have enough water in you it can't pull it out of the sky!!!
    So...stay hydrated.
    Second point.
    If your on a type of contraception it can make you drier- so that could be contributing. If you ain't- then it's probably the condom that is wicking you dry! (Or at least not helping).

    Glad to hear it's improving!
     
  17. AGFUNK

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    We don't use any type of birth control. I'll try the hydration as well, thanks:)
     
  18. Texas_Red

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    Hrm, I'll have to look that up, hadn't heard that part of things. In a video I linked a bit back in the fisting thread I do know the lady running the class mentioned mixing a bit of silicone with water based to help keep it from drying out too. Might be a best of both worlds thing.

    Having a pussy in my face like that but not being allowed to do anything with it would drive me fuckin' nuts. Especially in a situation like yours where oral is too ticklish for you.
     
  19. AGFUNK

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    I'll have to try mixing them. Seems like a good idea. I could just change the sheets after.
    I let him lick me after I got really aroused so it was just a little bit of a tease.