No strings attached?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by equinox, Feb 13, 2007.

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  1. equinox

    equinox New Member

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    I've had sex hundreds of times with a single partner, who I was dating for an extended period of time. We broke up almost a year ago, but we've been having occasional sex since. That's the extent of my sexual experience.

    I'm now looking to have sex with more partners, but I'm not looking for a relationship at all. I don't want to deal with any of the emotional side of things again until a much later point in my life. The concept of "no strings attached" sex appeals to me a lot -- it's something I've fantasized about for a while, but on the other side of the coin, it makes me nervous thinking about actually going through with it.

    I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking, but I guess I'm just looking for people who have done this sort of thing to share their experiences. Was/is it worth it? Are there any negative consequences that outweigh the benefits? I've also considered approaching girls I find attractive, getting to know them, and letting things progress from there, but it seems that sort of approach could lend itself toward the girls involved getting hurt since I'm not looking for any sort of relationship, whereas on services like craigslist, "no strings attached" is understood beforehand and I wouldn't have a problem with that sort of thing.

    Anyone who can share any advice or experiences is welcome to. I don't have a problem socially with approaching a girl I don't know and talking to her or asking her on a date or whatnot, but I really want to avoid giving any wrong impressions and having to deal with the stress and drama. The NSA approach removes the possibility of stress or drama, but again I'm rather nervous about the whole thing, and am wondering if it would be a good or bad idea to follow through with it.

    Now I'm running in circles, so I'll just stop here and wait for replies.
     
  2. SexyScorp

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    The only problem I foresee is that lots of women out there are ruled by the emotions....sex isnt just an act for some of us...especially the ones who are very tuned into their spiritual and emotional sides.

    One of my friends (who has had approx 200 lovers) said to me..."its okay the first time you have sex with a guy, but the second time can be dangerous"

    Maybe thats why some men use hookers....no emotional attachment....you get to have sex, with no "comeback"

    Good luck!
     
  3. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    You and a few million other guys out there Equinox, LOL.
     
  4. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    From my experience there is no such thing as no strings attached sex. The two that comes close are a threesome situation where you are the invited extra or friends with benefits. To be a third in a threesome situation requires allot of work, the ability to accept rejection, and maturity to accept the boundries that have been presented to you. If you are a woman you are pretty much on a equal footing due to the fact you are a rarity and can be selective in who you play with. However if you are a male then the competition is fierce and you need to make yourself stand out from the other males who are pursuing the couple. Usually showing maturity, respect, and being a gentleman will go along ways. This is not a quick way to get laid nor is it any gaurantee of success. It could turn out to be allot of hard work that produces no results.

    The other option friends with benefits is a very complicated situation. Having been in friends with benefits situation I can tell you these are very short lived situations. In my case the other wanted to develop the relationship into something else and I did not so the relationship ended. My case is a common ending to it. Usuaully friends with benefits starts out as such but as time progresses one member, typically the f half, will begin developing feelings. At that point the decision has to be made to continue into a normal dating situation or end the relationship.

    In my opinion there are no sex without strings situations and feel these type of relationships come at a cost. For you the decision is how much time are you willing to invest, are you will to follow boundaries set up by someone else, and are you willing to risk a friendship for something more? If so then one of these situations might be alright for you. Otherwise you will be entering into something that could be quite fustrating and disappointing for you.
     
  5. Joe

    Joe
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    My only experience with a continuing no-strings-attached relationship was with a married woman whose husband never/seldom wanted sex, but she didn't want to divorce him until her teenage daughter was grown. She lived a couple hundred miles from me, and we'd meet every month or two for a couple days, and once she came to my house for a week. Hubby didn't know about it, and we agreed before the first meeting that it was a temporary arrangement that we'd walk away from when either of us thought it was time. After a year or two, when I met a woman I wanted to be with, I broke it off. We remained distant friends for a few more years until I remarried. I suppose she wanted to stay in touch in case I became available again. I think it worked out pretty well for both of us, although I can't speak for her with certainty.
     
  6. The Mistress

    The Mistress New Member

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    You just have to find the right girl. And by that I mean one that is looking for exactly what you are....:brow And they are out there.

    Is it worth it? That all depends on individual scenarios. It can be, or it can a disaster. I've had it go both ways.

    This is the sticky part. I've had to go thru this on many occasions.
    I used to go thru this process where w/in three dates, I'd break everything down for the guy. If by the 3rd date I could tell he couldn't handle it, I'd stop seeing them any further to spare them getting hurt. Now, often they did not understand this, and they swore up and down they could do no strings attached....but I can always tell. It's funny how men think they always want to find a no stings girl, but then when they do....they want to put strings on her.

    Now, I've gotten to where I won't even waste my time on date one if I think the guy is on the 5 yr plan.
    *Ya know that person who feels they need to buy a house, get married, and have kids w/in 5 yrs. [​IMG]

    However, I've had a few really great lovers that were no strings. We even talked about other ppl we were dating etc to each other.

    One of my friends was telling me about this girl she worked with. She paid $30. a month to be on this dating website. She said she always had a date on Friday night, if she liked the guy....it was his lucky night. If she didn't....oh well, it was nice meeting you and she got a free dinner. lol She said it was the best $30. a month she ever spent.
     
  7. barbie

    barbie New Member

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    No offense,but wouldnt that be kinda like a hooker,only she does the paying.:uhh:
     
  8. The Mistress

    The Mistress New Member

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    Last time I checked, both parties pay at a dating service. Does that make it an online brothel? :p
     
  9. equinox

    equinox New Member

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    Are there any incurable diseases that can be acquired through oral sex? I really like getting head, and I think wearing a condom would kill the sensation. I'll definitely be using condoms when I have sex, but I'm wondering if oral would be safe if the person claims to be disease free. That's another thing -- do you just take someone's word for it when she says she's disease free? I'm a bit paranoid about the whole STD thing.

    I guess I'll give this whole thing a go. Hopefully everything works out for me, and I don't end up fucking a psycho who won't leave me alone afterwards :p
     
  10. cbrmale

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    First up, I've done lots of no strings attached sex, and it is available and it is no strings attached. It can be awesome, I have many fond memories: a woman blown away by my writing corresponding with me, us getting together, ripping each others clothes off... A young girl in Hong Kong who had her first orgasm, many decades ago my first tentative anal play with a girl turning into the real thing when such things were very uncommon. Obviously a whole lot more than these.

    And I've had some empty meaningless experiences too, where we didn't click and it was good just to get away from each other. And the worst, that panic, oh God you've forgotten her name!

    On the whole, the more I did, the better I got at connecting with a partner straight up, and this is the hard bit. With a partner, you get to learn each other, with casual sex it is new ground for both of you. So to get anything better than routine (or worse) you gotta learn to read your partners responses, lead the way and yet hook into her expressions and body language so you don't go in the wrong direction. If your partner is uncomfortable, it will be bad. If your partner is hot, and you don't explore just how hot she is, then it is wasted.

    So casual sex gets better with practice, if that's what you want to do.

    The only incurable disease contracted through sex is HIV, and there hasn't been any reported acquisitions through oral sex. You may catch something else through unprotected oral sex, but the risk is low, and it can be cured in any case. Put another way, I've had lots of unprotected casual oral sex, and unprotected casual sex pre-aids and never caught anything.

    I like partnership sex, and I like the excitement and challenge of meshing with a new partner, so I always liked casual sex. That is me, a real puzzle solver, and engineering good casual sex is the ultimate puzzle waiting to be solved.
     
  11. PA Slut

    PA Slut New Member

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    My husband use to belong to a swinging site and would get guys for me for NSA sex. I’ve had some of the best sex with these guys although some were not that good, most wanted to come back for more so I had a good choice. What we usually did was to meet at a bar and if we hit it off I would have them drive me home following my husband and I would give them highway head on the way there. Some we had come right to our house if I saw them on their web cam so I know what I was getting into or should I say what was getting into me. I how have a steady boy friend who lives with us so I ‘m keep busy with him and my husband. Although I up for anything.
     
  12. Joe

    Joe
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    :eek
    Then tell me how to cure herpes. And to suggest that HIV can't be passed through oral sex is nuts. Of course it can be, as can herpes and others. (I know that from personal experience!) Basically, any disease that can be passed through intercourse can also be passed with oral sex. Syphilis can be cured if it's treated early, but the early signs are easy to miss.

    NO! You cannot trust that your partner is disease free just because he/she says they are. Many, many people out there are infected and don't know it. I've read that most people who pass STDs don't know they have them.
     
  13. SexyScorp

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    There is no such thing as no strings attached

    When a man puts himself inside a woman, he leaves energy there as well as semen....

    There is an attachment, whether you have sex with this person once or a thousand times...

    Sex is the most intimate of acts.....of course there will always be some attachment...

    Whether the partaker is aware of it or not.
     
  14. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Equinox said:
    If you are to lazy to deal with emotional things.
    Then I suggest that you leave sex and society alone.
    Taking a Woman home for the sole purpose of having
    sex is like driving a car hundreds of miles to see a
    spectacular view then shutting your eyes while their.
    You are missing the best things in life, That comfortable
    snuggling and light kissing that cums after good sex
    with someone you deeply love.

    Hiker:sf
     
  15. equinox

    equinox New Member

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    I'm young. I just had a long-term relationship end with the girl I thought I was going to marry. I know the benefits of a loving relationship, and it was great. The end, however, was the most stressful time of my life. I don't want to deal with it again right now. It isn't laziness, it's choice. I now realize how stupid I was to rush into things. I now realize I have my whole life ahead of me -- I can get married when I'm 25-30, and be able to make a better-educated decision on who to marry if I've been with many women. I'm in college right now -- I haven't even figured out what I'm going to do with my life. I want to be free to make those decisions on my own. I'm going to travel a lot after I graduate, and I want to be alone when I do it, without distracting from the beauty of my travels by missing someone or having someone miss me. Right now, I really just want to have fun in life, and take a break from taking things seriously.

    I know what you're talking about, and it's nice, but commitment and dependencies aren't free of their downfalls. Don't disregard wanting sex without a relationship as immature; sex is, after all, a biological act. Any other notions surrounding it are human invention. I assure you I don't rush into things; I think long and hard about any serious decision I make in life. I appreciate your advice, but it isn't what I'm looking for -- I've always considered myself a loner, and as such, I often find myself seeing the world differently than most.
     
  16. SexyScorp

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    Your sexual preference aside....equinox....you write beautifully, most eloquent and pleasing to read....

    Have you ever thought of becoming a writer or a poet....?

    Sorry, my post has nothing to do with no strings sex.....

    Maybe you can challenge some of your passions into the arts, whilst you decide where next to go?
    :)
     
  17. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    Going round shagging many different women isn't preparation for marriage, it's just damn good fun!
    Really getting to know someone completely as well as the sex part is the way to find what you're looking for, that can be time consuming and often a waste of time. But better to know as much as you can about the person you may be spending the rest of your life with?
     
  18. Rupture

    Rupture New Member

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    Friend sex can be wonderful...but watch out for signs that she may want more...as long as you are both being honest...get 'on it!
     
  19. cbrmale

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    Herpes simplex virus one or two can be transmitted sans condom, so a covered blow job doesn't give final protection. Herpes can be transmitted by touching any part of the vulva, or the man's scrotum, or finger from vulva to mouth or mouth to scrotum or any other combination you can think of.

    Both Herpes viruses have a long life span at body temperature, which is why it can be transmitted by touching body parts. It actually survives for quite a while at room temperature, so it can literally be picked up from a toilet seat if you are very unlucky.

    A study in Spain with 1,200 partners where one was HIV positive and one not gave the result of not one transmission of HIV via unprotected oral sex in over 10,000 individual encounters.

    I posted this before, I will post it again, as far as I am aware nobody has caught HIV through unprotected oral sex. If you know of an actual example where this has happened (rather than the Christian anti-sex propoganda that has been doing the rounds of late), then let me know.

    You are right about the other STD's, and anyone doing casual sex (be it 100% protected or not) should have a full STD screening test every six months.
     
  20. equinox

    equinox New Member

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    Haha... I thank you; it's most flattering, really. I've always considered verbiage to be a means to an ends -- those who possess a knack for it simply have an easier time conveying their thoughts. Wherever I go next, however, will be wherever the stream of life carries me, though I could easily see myself ending up with a career in the arts. To put this back on topic -- maybe I'll use my skill with words to charm the pants off of the ladies :) Guys who have sex with many girls are always portrayed as "players" or assholes, but I don't see that as being a necessity. There's nothing wrong with a guy who treats women right, pleasures them beyond belief, yet doesn't commit himself to a single partner, in my opinion. So long as I let them know before I seduce them that I'm not looking for a relationship at all, and just looking to have some fun sexually, I wouldn't see what I was doing as being a bad thing :)

    Apologies for any incoherent ramblings I may have made, as I am quite intoxicated.
     
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