no more faking.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by BiBiBaby, Jan 27, 2005.

  1. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    in my current relationship, as much i tried not to, i have always faked orgasms. mostly i think out of habit because my ex could not make me cum...however, my current boyfriend can on occasion... he and i have talked about it and i was just wondering if there are any tips on how to get me to relax about it.
     
  2. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

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    huh...sounds really complicated. I think the only thing that can be done is tell him what helps you get off. and tell him what parts of your body are senstive to touch. Cause i think it sounds like you need more physical contact in other places of your body. What is your love making processes like? does it have a lot of pre warm up? or does he just get right to it? what parts of your body make you satisfied, in other words what parts of your body do you like to caress or touch during masturbation?

    I heard of a game that i read about from playboy, it's something that a couple did together. What they would do is the guy would touch other parts of his GF's body with his tongue or fingers and use different things and techniques and he would ask her to just say anumberbetween 18 OR 1-10 of how well it made her feel or how much it turned her on. Try that?
     
  3. Logger

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    Dear BiBiBaby,

    Faking has a deceptive connotation in the word "faking".

    In behavior change terms, a positive way to look at breathing hard and screaming, or at lest moaning, is "acting as if".

    Relaxing is probably one component. Breathing deeply and regualrly is one path toward relaxation.

    Another path is to tighten muscle groups, then release the flexing. While making love, you might try tightening your leg, thing, arm chest stomach muscles in some sequence, to bring on a deeper relaxation. Studies show that tightened muscles, upon release, discharge relaxing chemicals into the blood stream.

    In combination, you can develop a routine thought process during your relaxation process. One lady thought about canning peaches. I don't know how to can peaches, so I cannot describe that to you. But some relaxing thought, like swinging on a swing set as a child, or whatever seems relaxing, swimming, floating. Silva teaches to count backwards from 10 to 1.

    Silva and others teach imagining yourself in a relaxing, imaginary loction. You can mentally construct a favorite place of relaxations for yourself. A warm pebble beach, a shade umbrella, a comforable bed or cot, or a floating air mattress in your private swimming pool.

    As you are making love, and breathing, you might remember your thoughts, that seem to distract you from climax, and after love making, jot down the problems that seemed to come to mind, and see if you can get a better handle on those problems, in the real world, so the next time you make love, that problem is better resolved.

    What visions come to mid during Love Making? what visions can you think of between love making, so have ready for your mind to put on your mind screen? What do you have on the TV? The Stero? Different music and TV images have differeing effects on me. What about you? what about room lighting? Incense? Other privacy/stimulation factors?

    I let my wife know that I am ready to climax, as soon as I feel I am within a few minutes of climaxing. I tell her, "Get Wet!" "Get real wet!" and I squeeze her bun muscle on one side or the other. This gives her the idea that she no longer has to wait for me to get excited.

    We sometimes come close in timing, together, and that is nice.

    It is possible to put too much emphasis on climxing. What are your thoughts of how climaxing fits in the total overall relationship? I had a girl friend who complained about not climxing, and I felt inadequate. Making your BF feel good or inadequate is part of your choice process. How does overall support for BF fit in? How did the party go?

    Blessings
     
  4. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    the emphasis is part of the problem... he wont stop until i climax... and often times i lose the mood in the process because he's trying to hard.


    and which party? the one last fall?
     
  5. Logger

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    8-11-04. Thread, Meet new friends or meet his friends, was the title. I don't remember reading what decision you made, or how it turned out. Yes the party last fall. I tried to be fair to both sides of the issue, although my partialtiy to your BF may have been clear.

    Have you ever tried lower back exercises? Doing lower back exercises, which generate back movements that are within the comfort range of motion, work to extend the comfort, and maximum, range of motion. Once a month or once a week. Daily if you want to build up or for therapeutic purposes. I do some exercises occasionally. Some are Yoga exercises.

    I have them written out on another computer.

    My wife sometimes asks me to stop, or to hurry up and squirt because she is starting to have no fun. Sometimes my wife will lay with me, and help me jack off, if she has gotten worn out.

    Blessings
     
  6. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    the party went awesome... his friends were all really cool, he was right when he said that if you are cared for by someone there you are cared for by everyone there....


    we are trying new things...last night he pulled out the 'i cant satisfy you because i'm not a woman' card.... huge fight, makeupsex, minor O....*shrugs*
     
  7. kbate

    kbate New Member

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    Why don't you try telling him what you need, be literal. I know he probably thinks he is touching all the right places, but obviously he is not. You need to stop worrying about his ego, and his feelings and be straightforward about what it takes for you to get off. Believe me when I say, he wants you to tell him, he might not ask, but he wants you to enjoy sex.

    Faking orgasms is a poor solution. I don't do it (although I have in the past.) I prefer to help my partners learn what I need.

    In a relationship, the truth is always the right answer. Anything less than honesty is something less than love.
     
  8. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    i try to tell him, exactly, always have tried....
     
  9. Logger

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    Dear BiBiBaby,

    Here is a book, that seems to describe the over-emphasis on climax, that some men place on their women.

    Here is part of the abstract from the intrduction of the book, SEX MATTERS FOR WOMEN, provided by Guilford Publications:

    From the Website, Sex Matters For Women, Guilford Publications

    is actually a book.

    Sex Matters for Women.......by Foley, Kope and Sugrue

    The intruction is on line

    Blessings
     
  10. ReNo

    ReNo New Member

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    man, are these forums dead or what