No imagination

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by triryguy, Nov 10, 2011.

  1. triryguy

    triryguy New Member

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    Help! My wife has no imagination. Sex is vanilla and she is fine with that. I'm not asking for anything wild but come on here. We even saw a sex couselor...sex has gotten better but....anyone got any ideas to get her to open up. She says she just doesnt have any sexual fantasies....
     
  2. pbs

    pbs
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    My wife used to be like this, and didn't even want to try different positions when we made love. Things are great now, but it took a lot of time and effort from me, and trust from her.

    Are you able to give her orgasms? If so, how do you do it - penetration, oral? I think she's going to have to trust you completely before she'll let you explore her, but once she does, you can begin to find her "spots" and learn how to touch them. Once she begins to really enjoy what you do, she should open up.
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    Truly no imagination or built in resistance due to over conservative/religious upbringing?
    You need to be certain of the cause before you can begin to address the issue then it will be one small step at a time.
    There is no quick magic solution to this problem.
     
  4. hubbywubby

    hubbywubby New Member

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    I agree... Sounds like its the way she is. My wife was kind of like this when I first met her. I was shocked because she looked like the total opposite. (i mean that as a compliment to her). Anyway I'm kind of a sick pervert to a point. So it was and still at time can be frustrating for me. However I thought i can change her. Although she has opened up and she is a lot more open now to knew things sometimes I think I freak her our a bit. So the slow one step at a time did work for me but be ready for many steps. An which way try to have fun getting there.
     
  5. cbrmale

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    There's generally a reason: with my wife I discovered that Africans don't like sex other than vanilla, although both men and women like a lot of sex (probably have naturally high sex drives). We watched some couples DVDs together and she agreed to expand her horizons. I come up with ideas which she has agreed to go along with, and then she either likes them or doesn't. If it's good for her, then we make that a once-in-a while treat. Some of them have been outdoors sex, and playing board or card games, and you can do a lot of variations with games.

    I don't mind coming up with the ideas, but there are a few things off the menu which I would enjoy trying with her but can't.
     
  6. triryguy

    triryguy New Member

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    She only like clit sex. does not care for penetration. I can get her to orgasm like her head is going pop off! I know her body very well and willing to do what ever. and HATE jizz... ew ew ew ew ....
     
  7. triryguy

    triryguy New Member

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    Very interesting...All great input.
     
  8. triryguy

    triryguy New Member

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    Conservative/religious upbringing??? Why I think you know her! LOL I will discuss this with her. So interesting. Always figured that was part of the issue. but I would think she would be able to open up a little since we are married now for a couple years...
     
  9. sarad

    sarad New Member

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    Hmm... I know I am much more used to vanilla sex than my current guy is happy with. I've explored a bit because I derive pleasure from his. I like making him happy. I still have a bit of trouble with some things he really likes.

    I know at the beginning I told him that I had no odd sexual fantasies I wanted to explore. He did offer. I just didn't feel comfortable exploring those considerations within myself, let alone with him. A lot of it might not just be about being comfortable with you, but being comfortable enough with herself to really think about them... let alone talk about them or act them out.

    It probably mostly involves changing her point of view.
     
  10. cbrmale

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    In a Biblical context. God is the creator of sex. He designed it as a pure and beautiful gift to married couples. God says in Hebrews 13:4 that the marriage bed is "pure" or "undefiled," which means "completely free from any contamination." The Holy Spirit through the writer of Hebrews, uses this same word in chapter 7 to describe Jesus Christ Himself. This means that, according to God, we can no more call marital intimacy dirty than we can call Jesus Christ dirty. So to talk about this important, God created gift is worth the risk.

    How can you include God in your sex life?
    God does not shut His eyes in embarrassment when married couples make love. He’s right there; and He approves. He declares in Hebrews 13:4 that the marriage bed is pure or undefiled. If you are following His principles of real love, you don’t need to be ashamed to make love in His presence. As Christians, we need to be more aware and acknowledge His place in our marriage...even in our bedrooms. Have you ever prayed together during afterglow? It’s a wonderful time to pray, a time of intense feelings of closeness. It’s a good time to express your thanks to the Lord for one another, for the precious gift of your mate and for the intimacy you can share.

    What is “improper” when sexually relating to your mate, in terms of “Let the marriage bed be unde-filed”?
    There are definitely certain sexual behaviors that are strictly forbidden by Scripture: adultery, fornication, incest, prostitution, bestiality, and homosexuality and lesbianism. If any of these are brought into a marriage, the “marriage bed” will be defiled — become impure. Besides these obvious sins, however, we must also take into consideration unloving, selfish behavior. We must be careful to not allow selfishness to defile our marriage bed, as well as obviously deviant behaviors.

    Do not forget that selfishness goes both ways, it's selfish to have unreasonable expectations and it's also selfish to always say 'no'.
     
    #10 cbrmale, Nov 12, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2011