No blow

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Phoentiva, Jul 1, 2012.

  1. Phoentiva

    Phoentiva New Member

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    Ok, just wanting some outside opinions on my situation...

    Married almost 20....first 5 years wife was more aggressive, initiating...she was my first and usually complained I didn't initiate enough! And oral sex was great. She'd wake me up with it some days....in the car....69....no issues here.

    Fast forward and she stops doing blowjobs.... And I go along with it, as there's plenty other to do. But then I start to miss it and she won't do it. And I mean she totally gets angry if I bring it up!! I've asked her a thousand times why and she has no answer....just "I don't like it!" Well she liked it before. This has grown and grown until its a big issue now. I know to many it seems petty....but it starts to wear on you, like, "what is wrong with me?" I work around the house,etc.... and we have sex about twice a week now that I have gotten more aggressive. But this nags at me...and a few times in the heat of things I've asked her and it's all over.

    Yeah, ok, if I love her I let it go, right? Well by the same token, if she loves me, why not once a year? She has said "it will NEVER happen again so get over it!" And I feel like saying, "ok while we're issuing ultimatums...it WILL happen again just maybe not with you!"

    Just wondering what other opinions might be or tips on what to do...thx!
     
  2. Mittimer

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    Using the phrase "if you love me you'll do (insert action) for/to me" is the biggest manipulating move you could have make.

    Have you asked her in a non sexual setting why the chance of heart? Asked her, not with means of forcing her to blow you, but to getting to the bottom of why things changed?
     
  3. Phoentiva

    Phoentiva New Member

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    never said it but have certainly thot it, Mittimer...

    Have discussed in and out of the bedroom....she has kindof admitted that maybe she just did it to impress me...i.e. to "win" me. So I still need to be impressed!!! She is very low drive, passive....once I get her motor running we have good sex...but she doesn't initiate. And no, I repeat, no blowjobs. I can't even get near her...face...and she throws a fit. Like she's terrified of it or....

    Ok add to this the possibility of childhood sexual abuse....she won't discuss but has hinted....but says this has nothing to do with it. I thot maybe she had some bad bj experience....she says not the case. Then again I can never be sure because she refuses to talk about it so I let it go.

    Again, I feel guilty for even wanting this.....but I can't help it. I'm not asking her to do anything too weird or anything we didn't used to do. aggravating, frustrating....and can't stop feeling its me....

    Thx for the response, and letting me vent!!
     
  4. Mittimer

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    I'm not really sure what to tell you hun. Some people just grow out of enjoying things. It's shitty, really shitty, but it happens.

    Have you tried reasoning with her? Offering her something that you don't normally do in exchange for her just TRYING it one more time?
     
  5. Demonglo

    Demonglo New Member

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    I think we are married to the same woman. I haven't had a blow since Nov. 09'. They weren't all the time, but they did happen from time to time. Then, after that dreaded night in 09, *POOF, gone! Sorry, not hyjacking your thread, just wanting you to know that you are not alone. Matter of fact, there my be a Legion of us.
    Anyways, i dont know what to tell you. I gave up on ever having another one from her. Nothing worked. So i just quit saying anything. And i guess silence works good for her, because she has never said anything about it either. I honestly dont know what to tell you. Maybe hold out on going down on her till she questions you about it. Maybe it will open a door for you.