Nitpicking

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by jojo, May 23, 2004.

  1. jojo

    jojo New Member

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    I have been seeing my GF for nearly 6 months now and about 2-3 months ago we both lost our virginity to eachother. I deeply love her and always enjoy spending time with her, however I have a problem. I am a very picky person and have certain quirks I guess that need to resolve.

    My GF was bought up in a different sort of household to the one I was bought up in (just lower standard in general) and she doesn't always understand where I am coming from.

    I have a few expensive items that I treausure dearly (ie my PC) and look after and sometimes she treats them roughly and could potentially break it at some stage, this irritates my greatly. She also doesnt take too much care of my apartment, which I pay AUD$300 a week for and have a $1200 deposit on. She once flicked her shoe off against the wall leaving a large black mark, which I will need to cleanoff or have the damage taken out of my deposit when I leave.

    Also when eating she often opens cans (ie. fruit salad) just for a mouthful or two and then puts it back, so I then have to finish the can off or throw it away (she doesn't live with me, but is over every few days), this annoys me as I pay for all the food in my place, and don't have a great deal of money to throw away like that.

    Whenever we are out I am expected (well thats how I feel) to pay for everything (ie food, movie tickets, whatever), while I earn more than her (she is doing Yr 12 and works part time) it sometimes feels unfair and it would be nice if she could offer to pay even once now and again. I know its the guy thing to do (ie pay for the lady), but I think we are in an age where this shouldn't really be expected of the guy all the time.

    Well I know this sounds really nit-picky (I hope this term isn't Australian, or everyone will be confused :D), but some of these things get on my nerves, what should I do about it? None of it is likely to cause me to break up with my GF as I love her, but would like to resolve some of these issues. How should I bring them up with my GF?

    jo
     
  2. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Dear Jo,

    Loving Confrontation. What I have been striving for is to bring up things that irritate me, to my family members, but bring up issues in a loving way, so they understand that my love is there, the relationship is strong, but I have some concerns.

    To be a responsible lover, you need to let your lover know what bothers you, and how they could cange to make things more pleasant for you. If you keep things bottled up inside, your love will inevitablly be less than it could have been.

    My wife and daughter have lost their tempers, and broken the plaster board. A mark by a shoe can be painted over. Holes in walls can be plastered over.

    A Keyboard or a mouse can be replaced for $50.00 for $100.00. A drive for $150.00. Is there a used computer components store around?

    I would classify myself as probably overly-picky. But I try to keep a pleasant atmosphere, and I try to pick my battles, to where there are realistic options.

    One way to start out a discussion, is to ask what GF would like you to change. Next ask if there is some way that you are part of the cause of hte problem.

    Are there less expensive places to eat, whre GF could afford to contribute? Are ther smaller cans of food servings you could buy, so if a can gets opened, you don't have to eat an extra amount? Are there food storage bags that would keep food fresh longer?

    In recently resolved to use Ziplock baggies to keep food fresh. My wife cannot keep a top and its corresponding plastic container in the cupboard, together. I bought some spare plastic containers, but they only last a week or two. I am resolving to refuse to worry about plastic containers, and use only zip locks.

    Cloud and Townsend have a new book, 2003, "Boundaries, Face to Face" I heard Townsend speak about loving confrontation.

    Blessings
     
  3. Tson56

    Tson56 New Member

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    I maybe somewhat jaded in my response,as I have just split with my G/F of 5 years. So take that into consideration. Face it,some people are just slobs and though you may love them and try to have a "loving confrontation" over these issues,but if they are selfish,by not thinking of others feelings and property,then this will have to be something you'll have to live with,if you choose.
    I've also observed that younger people these days.....and I'm not young....have no respect for other people's property what so ever. Just watch the average kid walking down the street,you will see it too.
    I think most of it stems from having too much and not having to work for what they may have. There aren't any consiquinces anymore for vandlism,acts of disrespect,or rudeness.
    Sorry if I seem such a "crank"
     
  4. Frank Grimes

    Frank Grimes New Member

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    Maybe you've heard the expression that "Men marry women with the expectation that they won't change, but they do, while women marry men with the expecation that they will change, but they don't."

    That's very true about many things, but in this case, I don't think it would apply. She sound like she will continue to be a slob going forward, which leaves you with exactly 2 options: You grow to accept the way she behaves, or you let her know that the sloppiness bothers you and ask her to be more considerate, and if she doesn't you kick her slob ass to the curb.