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Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by housguy35, Sep 3, 2010.

  1. housguy35

    housguy35 New Member

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    im new on here or at least returning after a long absence and had a question
    recently i found out my wife of 12 yrs cheated on me for the first 10 yrs with several men both friends and strangers when i found this out i was quiet shocked and pissed i am still with her but am not exactly sure what i wanna do stay or leave we have 2 daughters and i still love her so i wanna stay but i am not sure i can trust her but when i think bout the stuff she told me she did it turns me on somewhat and i think maybe we should just have an open marriage even though i have no desire for another women but it might be a turn on to let her have fun and tell me bout it what advice do all of you out there give me both male and female
     
  2. Barbwire

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    Having an open marriage is one thing, sneaking around and cheating on your partner is quite another.

    If it were me, I'd leave her in a heartbeat because cheaters are liars and liars make me sick.

    Did she ever tell you why she felt the need to sleep around?
     
  3. housguy35

    housguy35 New Member

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    she liked the attention the drama
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Forgive my bluntness, but it sounds like she doesn't need more sex partners, she needs some counseling.

     
  5. housguy35

    housguy35 New Member

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    aand i agree in some ways
     
  6. Barbwire

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    Hate to ask this but, has she ever brought home any STD's? Sounds like she's endangering your health both mental and physical by what she's doing.
     
  7. housguy35

    housguy35 New Member

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    not that im aware of i made here get checked after she told me
     
  8. Barbwire

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    From what I've read, open marriages only work if there is an incredible amount of trust, strength and security in the marriage.

    Do you feel you have all of those things?
     
  9. housguy35

    housguy35 New Member

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    probably not
     
  10. housguy35

    housguy35 New Member

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    anyone else with advice i could use it
     
  11. Hot Wheels

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    Can I ask what prompted her to tell you about it all now....rather than keep it secret?
     
  12. cbrmale

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    I have a woman friend who's my age, and who's husband had an affair which she eventually found out about. He admitted it lasted 10 years, but she thinks it was longer than that. She is an attractive and sensual woman, and if there's one problem it's that they married too young, both 19 and first loves. She didn't want to leave him, but developed anxieties about her own sexiness and desirability. They are together still, and the only problem she's having is that their sexual frequency has declined to about once per week and she would like it more often. But she told me about spending two hours when they do, and I thought that they've got quality.

    Through her story I discovered that about 40% of married women have affairs, and about 60% of married men, and about 80% of marriages. Most marriages survive, except those which were failing, and probably the failing relationship brought about the affair. Affairs are exciting, invigorating and uplifting, and in most cases they also supercharge the home sex life: the person having the affair will be more sexually attracted to their wife or husband than would otherwise be the case.

    Most who have affairs keep them secret, in my friend's example for probably 17 years.

    Back to the OP, and I understand the comment about the excitement and drama, and the wife in this instance is being very honest. Affairs are exciting and invigorating and more.

    Some men do get a turn-on that other men find their wives attractive and sexy, which is a comment the OP has made, but I wouldn't recommend that this fetish be used as a cornerstone for the future direction of the relationship. I think that fetishes are fetishes.

    But I do think the idea of open is a good one though, because it promotes honesty. As far as trust goes, the wife here represents half of us: half of our friends, family, work colleagues and so on. How many married adults do we know? How many have had secret affairs? Imagine half of them, and that's surprising, is it not?
     
  13. Username1

    Username1 New Member

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    There doesnt always have to be a desire from both partners to be with other people im sure there are plenty of people out there in open relationships that work just fine with only one of them with multiple partners but i have to agree for me its the lies that gets me most. I am not personaly nor have i ever been in an open relationship but i would sure hope that if my wife wanted to be she would ask and we could talk and figure out if we were both actually comfortable with it. This is just my opinion however and you should do what you feel is right if it seems like its something you could both enjoy and agree on then give it a shot what do you really have to lose?
     
  14. Marcpatrick

    Marcpatrick New Member

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    It sounds to me like you might be a cuckold. I would look up several websites/books about it if I were you just to make an informed opinion.
     
  15. Username1

    Username1 New Member

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    Good call marc didnt even think of that.
     
  16. housguy35

    housguy35 New Member

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    my wife said she felt bad so she told me


    thnx for the responses

    anyone else