New here ... and I need advice please.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by timb, Dec 25, 2012.

  1. timb

    timb New Member

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    First let me wish any and all here a Merry Christmas !!

    My wife and I are in our mid 50s, we've been married (2nd time for both) for 10 years ..... here is the issue.

    She has compulsive behavior problems and over the last couple of years she has lost so much weight that I have to admit I find her body now repulsive. At 5'4 she went from a well proportioned,voluptuous 135lbs to an anorexic in appearance 100lbs.

    We've gone from a healthy sexual relationship to absolutely no intimacy now, her sisters and I have all tried to counsel her and I've even got her to visit a nutritionist .... however, her self image is so warped nothing seems to help.

    I don't want to seek sex outside our marriage but masturbation just doesn't cut it.

    What should I do?

    Thanks
     
  2. Mittimer

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    Unfortunately in today's society so many women have that type of self image issues. Whether it's eating to hide your feelings or starving yourself to hide your feelings.

    It's going to take an actual medical counselor for her to get real help. A nutritionist isn't what she needs to see. It is incredibly unfortunate that she is going through this, especially at her age. Her heath is a very important thing at this point in her life.

    The one thing you can do right now for her is to just be there for her and get her as much professional help as possible. Tell her you love her and remind her that she is beautiful.

    My sister is your wife's height. She, at her lowest was 94lbs and that was during a very hard time in her life. She looked like a walking skeleton. Please seek help for your wife, she needs to realize that she's beautiful and she's just hurting herself. There is a difference between being skinny and being healthy.

    I wish you all the best.
     
  3. timb

    timb New Member

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    Thank you Mittimer for taking the time to respond, this issue has been front and center off and on for a couple of years.

    Seems as though any move in the right direction has to be initiated by her, she insists all is well. Perhaps in her minds eye it is ..... not in mine.

    I do appreciate your advice.
     
  4. backcheck64

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    Have you discussed it in depth with her, why she lost the weight? My wife is 5'5" and 118lbs. She did it for health reasons, she knew her target weight was 115, she hit that, but with her exercise routine, she's put on a lot of muscle and doesn't mind being slightly above her target. Now in the case of my wife, her sex drive rose as she lost the weight. In your case it could be depression. Get her to talk.
     
  5. timb

    timb New Member

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    We've talked and the result is that she has hit what she feels is a healthy weight, 2 out of 3 of her sisters are nurses and have all advised her to put some weight back on ..... it seems as though the only meal that we eat together is supper and she eats reasonably, but the exercise bike will be used for several hours each morning after I leave for work .....

    I'm powerless to intervene, like I had said, any decisions to change will have to come from her.

    Thanks for your response.
     
  6. pawg69lover

    pawg69lover New Member

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    Well friend forget the whole sexual desire aspect of your problem. Your wife has serious psychological issues and needs to see a counselor/psychiatrist. Also if her weight falls to low her health and life will be in danger. My suggestion is she needs psychological help...
     
  7. timb

    timb New Member

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    I agree, also, suppose I should have thought my initial post through before writing it .... obviously her health is the most immediate concern.

    Although her body has the appearance of a 70 year old, I don't know that she is on her death bed so to speak .....

    How would you suggest getting a spouse to open up to psychological help if that spouse is absolutely certain that their making the best choices and doesn't need an outsiders help ?

    Surprise her when the ambulance shows up and puts her in the van.

    Thanks for your input.
     
  8. XR_Vixen

    XR_Vixen Member

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    Hey timb,
    I've had something similar to that happen, unfortunately.
    I'm 5'9 and went from a healthy 150lbs to 130lbs in 3 months when my husband and I separated. It took for one of my friends to ask me if I had cancer for me to realise that something was desperately wrong and I needed to start eating healthy again.
    My point is, she needs to see someone to try and figure out why she has this compulsion and it'll take a professional to help her do it.
    As for getting her there, maybe you could make the appointment for yourself to start off with, and tell your wife you're going there to discuss what sort of impact her extreme weight loss is having on you??
     
  9. AGFUNK

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    I've battled an eating disorder for eleven years. At one point in time my mom had to get help for me. I hated her at the time but it was for the best. If your wife really is that bad then you might have to take that step to try to get her help. It's not an easy thing to battle an eating disorder but it can be managed and eventually overcome with counseling and support.

    Make sure that you are also talking to a counselor as well so they can help you help her.
     
  10. backcheck64

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    My wife is 5'5" and 118lbs...but solid muscle. I'll take her that way than 135 or 150lbs. She probably does need to see a therapist though. Dropping fat is one thing, but not replacing it with muscle isn't good.
     
    #10 backcheck64, Jan 24, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2013