New Guy On Board

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by blondboy, Mar 21, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. blondboy

    blondboy New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Georgia
    Hello to all. Bear with me while I learn which buttons to push, etc. I am an old guy, married 40 years with no sex life at all anymore. I have a great deal of sexual interest, however. I have always been highly sexual although my wife has never had the level of interest that I have. Now, at age 62 and after prostate surgery, I am basically impotent. Despite my ED problem, I would love to have sex especially doing cuninlingus which I have always loved. I would like to believe I could get it up again as well, if my wife would suck me but she has never, ever done that. Now, when she expesses interest in sex, I just say no because I cannot maintain an erection and I know she will not do what I need. I have a long and varied sexual history but have been inactive outside of marriage for about 25 years. Early in adulthood, I experimented a little with other guys but that was shortlived. I mostly fantasize now about all kinds of sex. I look forward to sharing with yo all. Thanks.

    Blondboy
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    hi and welcome. Hope you feel at home here, both in posting questions and in replying.

    I am going to ask the obvious first - you have talked to your doctor about ED medications, right? Is the surgery recent? Were you and your wife sexually active before the prostrate surgery?

    Another part of your thread mentions "when your wife expresses interest in sex...." and that you are interested in cunilingus..... soooooo, could you perhaps start with that? Sometimes we go through physical changes (especially as we become older) that require one of us to accomodate the other for a brief period of time until things get straightened out. If not, you could be slowly deadening the 'fire' that you want to keep alive. If she is willing to learn to enjoy oral sex, why not meet her need this way. In the mean time, you could be discussing with your MD some possible answers for your inability to get or stay hard. You may even find that watching her enjoy cunilingus (and hopefully orgasm) will arouse you.

    I know I have only scaped the surface, but hopefully others will add comments that may help. Good luck.

    Okay - I just saw another thread where you can orgasm - through a vibrator on your balls and perenium. Would you wife avail herself to do this to/with you? Seems you still have plenty of drive and 'ability' to enjoy sex. Like I said, sometimes as we get older, we need to accomodate the changes our bodies go through. Doing it together just shows the love a little more.
     
  3. blondboy

    blondboy New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Georgia
    Thanks for your input, Rose. Once upon a time, years ago, she let me go down on her although she didn't really enjoy it unless she had been drinking. She has increasingly become more "puritan" as time went on. She won't even let me stroke her vulva with my fingers anymore. I had a partial prostate removal about a year ago, although I was getting ED before that. (I do think a lot is psychological). I have tried Levitra and Viagra with mixed success, but again, I think a lot of it is in the mind due to my partner's frigidity. I am very frustrated.

    Blondboy
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    I dunno - in view of your lengthy marriage, and her now-frigid attitude, you may have to court her again.
    UGH! - I know... but hey, I'm no spring chicken either, and if a woman doesn't 'feel' pretty, or sexy, or desirable... she's not going to be interested in taking those clothes off. Those clothes hide all the flaws that she sees in herself. Removing them makes her vulnerable to critical eyes.

    Obviously, I don't know you or your situation, so I may be way-ay-ay off base. But I've always said that loving pats on the butt, kind words as you pass through the hallway, unexpectedly grabbing her hand as you're walking through the mall.... WITH NO MENTION OF SEX ... works on her psyche - makes her start thinking 'those thoughts'. LOL She starts to feel lovable, beautiful, perhaps a bit sexy...

    For a woman, especially one with a few years on her, sex begins long before the lights go out in the bedroom. Hope I'm not overstepping my ground with a newcomer here.:ugh
     
  5. Ladysierra

    Ladysierra New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    159
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    I would have to agree with Rose on this one, about starting from scratch with your wife that is.

    Think of things you did when you first met to romance her. Things you know she enjoyed.

    I personally love it when my guy comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me and a quick peck on the cheek as he's walking by. That gesture gets me every time ;)

    Just do things to let you know you still think she's beautiful and desirable to you without pressing the sex issue.
     
  6. blondboy

    blondboy New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Georgia
    Rose and Lady, I know that you are both right on your suggestions. No doubt that all would help put her in the mood. I have heard a lot of that before from my wife. A lot, if not most, of the current problem is my current impotence. A couple of months ago, she even asked if I had any viagra and I cut her off and said "it doesn't matter, I am impotent and I can't have sex any more." That, of course, reflected my own lack of self confidence. If I thought she were receptive to oral sex, I would jump all over those ideas. But, as I said before she has never given me oral although I would be thrilled if she would. I love giving oral myself, but she hasn't let me do that in about ten years now. (Thee were times in younger years when she would let me give her head, especially when we were drinking. I even remember her having some wild orgasms with my mouth on her clit, but that didn't happen very often)

    I am sure that our overall relationship would be better if I followed your advice. I don't know if our sex life would go any where or not. I suspect it wouldn't help that. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. But, I don't want to oversimplfy either. Probably a lot of the psychological thing goes back to the fact that 40 years of marriage carries a lot of baggage with it. For several years, we hardly spoke because her brother stole my identity--that led to a lot of problems between her, her family and me. Twenty five years ago, I had an extramarital affair which she found out about. Somehow, we have stayed together. (By the way, the em affair was terrific sex. I had everything imaginable in a sex partner--I still day dream about it).

    I appreciate your thoughts so much. I know your advice is good. If nothing else, this forum gives me an outlet to vent about my frustration.

    Blondboy
     
  7. Joe

    Joe
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2005
    Messages:
    1,681
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Rocky Mountains
    :toast Welcome, you old coot! It's nice to see someone older than me for a change! :D

    I don't know what to say about your sex life. I tried for years without success to get my ex interested in sex and finally gave up and divorced her about 15 years ago, just as soon as the kids were out of the nest.

    My guess is that communication with your wife is limited too. With my ex I couldn't even bring up the subject of sex without her getting angry. The main difference is that she NEVER wanted sex of ANY kind. I asked her once, after 10-12 years without sex, if we could try it once more. "No, you wouldn't be satisfied. You'd just want to do it again." Duhhhh. Big Red Truck!

    If you CAN talk to her about sex and intimacy, tell her how you feel. (Leave out the subject of your day dreams!) I'm sure you must love her or you wouldn't still be with her. Let her know that. Tell her how you would like your marriage to be (NO accusations) and ask her what direction she'd like it to take.

    There are special diets, suppliments, herbs and medications to help both of you in the passion department, if that's what you both want, but first you both have to want a change. Good luck!
     
  8. Joe

    Joe
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2005
    Messages:
    1,681
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Rocky Mountains
    :eek:t
    I've gotta explain the "Big Red Truck" comment. It's a blonde joke. (Sorry Rose.)
    ----------------

    It seems the blonde's house caught on fire, so she called 911. "Come quick; my house is on fire!"

    911 operator: "What's you're address?"

    Blonde: "I don't remember."

    911 operator: "Okay, how do the firemen get to your house?"

    Blonde: "Duhhh.... Big Red Truck."
     
  9. AnonymousOne

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    5,845
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Welcome blond I hope we can help you here and if all else fails, we can make you laugh hysterically! ... and Joe ... *chuckles* tee hee.
     
  10. blondboy

    blondboy New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Georgia
    Joe, we came close to getting divorced a couple of times. The last time was 12 years ago. We went through counselling and things got better for a little while. You are right about the communication thing. When it comes to sex, we don't communicate well at all. I've always been a pretty passionate, horny guy. Before we got married, she was pretty passionate as well--it was then that we had the best sex. I have always said that came to a screeching halt when our first child was born. I'm pretty frustrated now because I know it won't get better, but I still am a pretty horny guy.
     
  11. BareHug

    BareHug New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2006
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Hey Blondboy. I think you should go to a professional, i.e., call girl escort or whatever you call them. I would even consider flying to Nevada and checking in at the Bunny Ranch. It sounds that you need to be "coaxed" into re-establishing your confidence. I don't know if you and the Mrs. get along at all. Have you ever gone away without her? Would she be angry if you "sought your comfort elsewhere" as Rhett Butler would say? Sounds like fun - maybe we can go together if my wife lets me.

    PS My wife and I don't exactly need asbestos sheets anymore. Whatever Rose and Thorn got going is probably the exception, not the rule - God bless'um.
     
  12. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2004
    Messages:
    997
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    San Francisco
    This situation really blows. But, You have come to a good community. It's family. We'll help ya out.
     
  13. blondboy

    blondboy New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Georgia
    Earlier in life, I "sought comfort elsewhere" a good bit and finally got caught which is not a good deal. I found out bigtime that, yes--she would be angry. Actually, she was hurt more than angry and that development probably just made things worse. I think I would follow your advice and do it some more if I had the opportunity, but opportunities are few and far between now as I am retired from the workplace opportunities and don't go to the clubbing opportunities. We do get along somewhat but we haven't slept in the same bed for about nine years. Sometimes we do have sex, but it is rare and only then if I can get it up because she won't do oral. It is a shitty situation to say the least. Thanks for your comments and good luck to you.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.