Never give him what HE WANTS

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by ronhiway, Dec 11, 2010.

  1. ronhiway

    ronhiway New Member

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    This seems to be the attitude for a lot of women once she has you.

    Example When I was single women done everything exciting you wanted sexually. Dressed up, blow jobs, anal, rode on top, made movies, went to strip clubs, etc.. After its I don't wanta wear heels during sex...It hurts that way...I am too fat for pictures.... I can't be seen in those places.... My legs get tired on top...excuse after excuse. I heard my partner state to her friends don't give him what he wants or he will get bored.

    Is this planned or just the way it is?
     
  2. Mittimer

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    I don't think it's so much planned as it is common knowledge. When you start off early in the relationship and do EVERYTHING there is to do, all the exciting and adventurous stuff, once it's done, the guy has nothing to look forward to.

    Often times, doing the same thing sexually, does get boring. With some people (not all by any means, just some) That monotony is the downfall of the relationship. You're USED to the new and exciting and things coming at you, and then eventually it's not new or exciting any more.

    That's why it's good to start slow and gradually incorporate new things. My fiancee and I are constantly searching for new things to try.

    Not quite sure if this answered your question but it was the first answer that came to mind.
     
  3. ronhiway

    ronhiway New Member

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    If you stop doing what he likes what attracted him to you, what he desires in the beginning then he will always look to another person that will. Why can't women understand this???
     
  4. Mittimer

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    It's not about women understanding this.

    If you're attracted to the lady based only on her sexual experience then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. EVERYBODY changes, everybody. Especially when you're young because you're still exploring your sexuality and figuring out what works best for you.

    The person you get with in the beginning, sexually will not be that same person 2 or 3 years down the line.

    Also, are you putting into factor that you aren't young and new anymore? You're married, you have a child. There are factors that strongly hinder your ability to be as sexually adventurous as you once were. Especially a female.

    A females body and self image changes once she has a child.

    Have you ever spoken to your wife about this?
     
  5. johndeeregirl

    johndeeregirl New Member

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    have you thought that maybe YOU aren't giving HER what she wants?? :yell

    your lack of understanding makes me want to slam my head into a wall repeatedly..


    I agree with Mitt, especially the bolded
     
  6. Alwayslearningsex

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    For someone to NEVER give anything is worse than boredom, how many times we read about someone getting it somewhere else ...
    This is not a sales pitch to tell ladies to do everything but to think about the implication of closing one's mind and willingness to have fun, to give fun, within reason and comfort. Things will change as we age but it doesn't mean it stops suddenly, big mistake. Even some women will look around when not getting it at home, like some men do.
    About boredom, only doing the usual missionary will bring boredom and only relieve the urge, but fail in the satisfaction, a bit of variety and surprises will do, just don't go chasing the next bigger thrill every time or you are also setting yourself for trouble in the end. A mix of change and usual is healthy. I am no therapist but I use someone's life experience as a guide, and someone else who used to be close to me and saw the decline from always chasing thrills. I won't look for a third to be convinced.
    So ladies, and men, if you want to keep your relationship healthy forget those bull notions of putting a stop and deprive even yourselves.
     
  7. andretti

    andretti New Member

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    Two sides to every story

    There are two sides to this coin.

    On one hand, I know of women who got really cold in the bedroom, unresponsive to their partner's needs. For some reason, something changed. Their partners were left achingly lonely.

    On the other hand, sometimes the man has had far more to do with problem this than he realized, or was willing to admit. Somewhere along the line, he stopped valuing his partner, and no longer made her feel special. He started taking her for granted - and then wondered why her sex drive withered.

    Either way, it all sets up a pretty bad tailspin for the relationship. Both partners feel wronged and misunderstood; these emotions don't foster sexual or emotional connection.

    As for the chicken-and-the-egg, which-came-first question, as I implied, I've seen it go both ways. I know guys who did everything "right," but all to no avail (that's often due to the woman becoming depressed, or having some other psychological condition). Yet I also know plenty of guys who "brought it on themselves," too. Oblivious to their partner's feelings, they never did anything special, and then ignorantly marveled at the diminished sex drive.

    I won't venture to guess which situation is which, not on a discussion board, where details are scant, and we're often only getting one side of the story. I'm just saying I've seen it go both ways. Some men treat their wives like queens, but are treated like crap; some men treat their wives like crap, and fail to see how they pushed their women away through their own actions and inaction. (And it's not always the men who grow cold, either; I've seen that go the other way around, too).

    All I can recommend is candid but constructive discussion, strong communication, and an honest look in the mirror once in a while.
     
  8. Reflect169

    Reflect169 New Member

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    Happened to me the other way around.
    I hate how some people are so sexually biased.
    Some men do the same to women.
    So men start to withhold romance, or time.
    And vice versa.

    It's not about MEN versus WOMAN, it's not even about partner versus partner, it about a couple, being a couple.
     
  9. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    I've gone through this and is still a work in progress. My wife is pregnant and has a low lying cervix so no sex until the baby is born... and probably a couple months after.

    Basically here is the timeline of our sexual relationship...

    First few months together - smoking hot sex

    We were doing anal, she was giving me unreal blowjobs, sex in every position you can think of, sex at the movies, outdoors, at her parents, it was pretty wild.

    She was a sexual animal and was constantly initiating sex with me... she would jump me in public and tell me she needed me right then... other times the minute we got home she was kissing me and had me stripped out of my clothes because she said she wanted me all day...

    First year together - things slowed down and it was still pretty good, but not so daring anymore. I suddenly literally had to beg for blowjobs, I was the one initiating all of the sex... I had to think of all the new positions, buy the toys, etc

    Basically I was the dominant one and was slowly getting upset because I wanted it to be a partnership.

    Second year it got pretty bad - sex was down to once a week and only if I initiated it... I was doing everything right... did housework... was never abusive verbally or physically... went out of my way to compliment her and tell her she was beautiful... would just cuddle with her different times... kissed her all of the time... kept trying to stoke the fires and not pressure her or complain...

    After year two it became an odyssey to get our sex life back on track and I wasn't sure what I did wrong. I was the same guy as before... I was doing the same things I always did to make her feel special... I was in great shape and kept myself physically fit... I talked to her about things without being pushy.. she promised to try harder...

    After our talks she would initiate sex once or twice... then after a few weeks it was back to the same thing. We must have had these talks half a dozen times and the results were always the same as before.

    This went on for another 2 years + and then we got married.

    On our wedding night, I was in the best shape of my life.. I bought these really tight boxer briefs I knew she would love... the suite had a hot tub.... we got there and she filled it up... we got in and relaxed... she was looking smoking... and she had bubbles all over her ass and breasts and I had the biggest hard on of my life... and she FELL ASLEEP in the hot tub!

    I took her out of the tub and dried her off and put her to bed. Woke up around 4 am and we had a 2 minute romp...

    On the honeymoon she bought some sexy outfits that I like... fishnets, etc... and when she came out of the bathroom after changing into them I was in heaven... but she laid there and made me do all the work... I told her the next night she had to take control and she said she didn't want to... and laid there until I did everything....

    It was frustrating as hell.

    To further complicate things, my wife isn't the type of person to compliment me. Ie she doesn't tell me I'm sexy or that sex was amazing. She will here and there, but it isn't a constant thing. So sometimes I am left guessing about many things.

    From our honeymoon until she got pregnant, things were simply ok... sex was ok... I kept trying to get her to take control and initiate things... had another talk or two... promises were made... nothing changed....

    I eventually took her to dinner and asked her some hard questions. She said she loved having sex with me but she knew what it was like and it wasn't as exciting as before, etc... and she wasn't as horny as before, her job had her stressed, etc... but she was going to try... then she got pregnant shortly after we talked.

    So right now things are on hold.

    All I can tell you is that you aren't alone and many couples go through this. You just have to learn patience and keep the lines of communication open.

    I think it is important for both men and women to say I love you and compliment each other. A lot of women say their spouses don't compliment them enough, but it is a two way street and guys like to hear these things as well.

    My rule is, if you think something nice about your SO, tell her/him. Don't keep that to yourself. If my wife looks sexy when she bites her lip, I tell her. If she looks hot bending over to pick something up, I tell her. If she looks sexy in that new sweater, I tell her. If I think it, and it is positive, I tell her.

    No sense in keeping it to myself when it will make her feel good.

    I wish I could tell you a solid solution, but all I can do is tell you to do is not get jaded and resentful, because that will just make things worse. Just keep being yourself and doing all the things you used to do... and keep talking to her, but don't ever be critical of her either during your talks. Never, ever finger point.
     
    #9 Fliteskates, Dec 12, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2010
  10. Dragon_Fire

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    I'm the exact opposite of this, I only come out of my shell sexually when I'm in an established relationship. I've particular never had anal sex or rode on top early in a relationship or with casual partners. Only had pictures taken by two partners and, even then, it was several years into a relationship. Went to a strip club about 6 years into a relationship and never ever made a movie.

    There's no grand conspiracy. Every relationship develops at it's own pace and goes in it's own individual direction according to the individuals involved.
     
  11. Northside

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    You know why the bride always smiles at the wedding? She knows she's given her last blowjob! Seriously, that hasn't been my experience. Sex is fun. You have to come up with new and exciting ways to keep things fresh. I use suggestive e-mails, card games, notes left on her pillow and even gave her coupons redeemable for oral sex. Once you get her laughing at your new game she'll do most anything to keep it going.