Needing advice...men & women

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by cowgoddess1981, Jul 29, 2007.

  1. cowgoddess1981

    cowgoddess1981 New Member

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    Hey there all! I am needing some advice or maybe some encouragement...here's my story:

    Been married for a little over 5 years. Husband and I separated in April because we just weren't compatible any more and also after he met someone online and moved to be with her. I met someone new at the end of June. We got to know eachother and we've really hit it off. So now, I have a few questions....

    1. My new guy has two daughters by two women...from 3 & 6 years ago. Does this make him a "risk"? The first time we had sex, it was unprotected...neither of us thought of it, we were too caught up...I just don't want to end up being "another one"....
    2. Am I horrible for still being married (I can't file for divorce until Sept. - have to establish residency in this state) and having sex with my new man?
    3. Because my marriage was on the rocks with my husband looking online for others, our sex life was also on the rocks. Now that I have this new man who obviously has some experience (2 daughters), I'm worried I'm not as good as I could or should be because of lack of experience.

    I guess I'm just nervous...it's a new relationship and a new thing for me to be with someone other than my husband. Is it normal to be this nervous and so unsure of myself?? Any advice or suggestions?? :eek:
     
  2. I.Hollywould

    I.Hollywould New Member

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    I'm not sure about the others, but my response to #2 is that it's only "horrible" if you haven't told New Guy about your marriage. Just my opinion.
     
  3. cowgoddess1981

    cowgoddess1981 New Member

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    Marriage and the new guy

    Sorry, I did forget to mention that. My new guy knew I was married before we started dating. We didn't start dating until I was ready for a new relationship. Didn't take long after the hubby started treating me terribly, moved to live with his new woman...but the new guy knows I'm married and filing for the D when I can.
    I'm not the "cheating" type. I've never cheated or even thought of sleeping with anyone other than my husband. But once he said we were done and he wanted to move on....I thought it's time I move on. But because I'm technically still married...I didn't know if I fall in the cheaters category or if I'm still a non-cheater. Crazy...I know :eek
     
  4. Cobia

    Cobia New Member

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    1. He might be a risk, but it depends on how you feel.
    2. Since you told him, you aren't horrible at all, Just get the divorce.
    3. Eh?
     
  5. kmanagr

    kmanagr New Member

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    well my response to number 1 is that he does not have a good track record, b very careful.
    #2 no dont worry about it you are techinially done just waiting on the paperwork. Besdes he left you.
    #3 nervousness is normal
     
  6. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    I can only say enjoy the sex with the new Guy
    but only if its protected sex.
    But seriously look into his background and see if is worthy
    of love. If he has custody of the 2 girls then I woul say
    the problem is not his fault, if he does not have custody
    of either girl then---RUN.

    Hiker
     
  7. Joe

    Joe
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    1. He's already got two daughters with two mothers and "we had sex, it was unprotected...neither of us thought of it"??? It's about time somebody started thinking. I'd say he's a major risk for making you #3 mother.

    2. Not at all. Technically (legally) you're committing adultery, but in the practical sense I wouldn't consider it that. You and your husband have split. You're single, even if a judge hasn't yet declared you as such.

    3. Lack of experience doesn't make you a bad lover. It's what you put into your lovemaking... emotion, desire, attitude, fun, generosity, etc. Experience is pretty low on my list of qualities I'd look for in a new partner. And having two kids doesn't equate to lovemaking skills what-so-ever. If anything, unless the children were planned, it points to quite something else -- sexual irresponsibility.
     
  8. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    I don't like any of your choices so I'll add my own. I don't think you are "bad" for having sex while married if the marriage is truly over. Now about the guy you have met. You would be foolish to think or hope he is a life partner. Think of him as a distraction during a hard time. In reality few brake up make up relationships come to anything permanent. For Gods sake don't rush into marriage with this man. Do use birth control all the time, every time. Best of luck....:ugh
     
  9. cowgoddess1981

    cowgoddess1981 New Member

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    No worries

    I do not want a commitment so to speak right now. I don't even want to contimplate marriage again for a long time. So that is not an issue. A life partner? I don't think so...not right now. I guess you're right...I want to have fun and enjoy someone's company. He seems like a great guy who's been down on his luck in the past. I realize I could have made a mistake, not using protection....but it's done and I won't make that mistake again. Hopefully, I won't be momma #3, that is NOT what I want.
    But thanks for the input from everyone....it's been helpful.
     
  10. charged

    charged New Member

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    Wouldn't worry too much about what people think.......if your marriage is truly over and your having a good time and enjoying his company, by all means, I say enjoy! But, YES, use protection and be safe.

    Charged!!!
     
  11. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    you never mentioned how old this man is?? is he much older than you or close in the same age? why did the other two relationships end? Does he currently see the two kids? Sorry I will not comment until the above is answered. Thanks
     
  12. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    1. I suppose this depends on the circumstances under which he had the children. was it planned, was he in serious relationships with the mothers, does he still see them. But i wouldn't say it necessarily makes him a risk. If you are on the pill then i don't see that it is really a risk at all. But obviously proected sex is advisable in any new relationship regardless of the partners past.
    2. To me this isn't a problem at all. You and your husband are seperated and you have told you new partner about the marriage.
    3. In my opinion all it takes to be a good lover is to be enthusiastic and willing to learn. Lack of experience should not be a problem.
     
  13. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    1) My new guy has two daughters by two women...from 3 & 6 years ago. Does this make him a "risk"?

    It depends on what are you wanting. If you are looking for a 'fuck buddy' or just someone as you go through your divorce he would be fine. However with two girls from two different women I would classify him as a high risk especially if you are thinking something long-term.

    2) Am I horrible for still being married (I can't file for divorce until Sept. - have to establish residency in this state) and having sex with my new man?

    I would not say horrible but it may complicate things for you. Why are you waiting to establish residency? Does this state have more favorable laws for you versus your old state?

    3) Because my marriage was on the rocks with my husband looking online for others, our sex life was also on the rocks. Now that I have this new man who obviously has some experience (2 daughters), I'm worried I'm not as good as I could or should be because of lack of experience.

    Lack of experience would be the last thing I would worry about in this situation.

    My feeling is that you are getting yourself into a very dangerous situation that maybe even worse than your marriage. You met a guy who could not commit to a relationship, you are worried that you are not good enough for him, and now you are waiting to go through a divorce. I would worry about the new relationship as it is my guess it will not last. Usually such relationships are only maintained through the divorce and once the divorce is final the relationship cannot maintain itself.