Needing a male insight

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by AliX310, Jun 7, 2015.

  1. AliX310

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    I'll make it short. I'm in a great, very emotionally intimate 6 month relationship. We discuss sexuality very opemly and are non exclusive. We promised that we would be open and share if we're have sex with an outside person to be forthcoming. We're in our early thirties. We both ended serious long term relationships a few years ago. Prior he's been very sexually active with women. We're both interested in exploring some fetishes and have high sex drives. I've alwasy had to iniate the intimacy. He has never in six months but assures me he enjoys sex and is vey passionate , affectionate and tender. I accidentally discovered a blog that he was getting a ton of mail from. I looked at it and saw a 19 year old females sexual profile. Descriptions of her and her boyfriend and lots of his praise. I found sexual photos of him as well. I confronted him and called him decetful. He got extreemly angry , I have not experienced it. He accused me of spying on him and breaking his trust. I explained how it happened and apologized. He said he was sorry for his reaction and that they were from a long time ago. It was just for fun. I accepted it and two months later... It was open on his computer when I went to use it. He had current photos of them engaging in sexual acts. I was very angry and expressed my hurt at being deliberately mislead. He denied not being upfront. Claimed they were just posed and not really sexual ... They didn't have intercourse so he belived that he didn't need to tell me. He said he knew I was aware and wouldn't post things he was hiding from me. He admitted that it was his profile. He uses his exes pictures to get photos and responded from men. He enjoies reading them. I felt intrusive and had no place finding the sight. He's always made jokes about his metrosexual personality and how he's been mistaken for homosexual growing up. He mentioned it would be fun to have me lick his ass. He knows I'm openly bisexual and had a bisexual boyfriend before. Now he's asking me if men can be bisexual or i they're just confused. He responds that he dosent think so.
    He tellse his friend watches men matsurbatiNg v and That it's odd. I say not really and that its no indicated of sexual attraction. We all have fetishes or taboos we are attracted to. We both didn't address that he was asking for these things on the blog. I haven't brought it up again and really try to avoid any topic related. I don't know if he's trying to deny it to me or himself.... Or trying to tell me he likes men. I don't want to make him feel violated and exposed. But I want to let him know that I care for him and am attracted to him regardless of his activity or identity. He's really been avoiding interacting and alwasy is making plans with me and dissipating. He's had a bunch of personal issues and I belive that he's been depressed and closing off. We had discussed a threesome and i shared a desire for another male. He was very turned off by the idea. Usally he's not as distressed if he's not interested.
    More months to by and he's telling me about his female friends and how they have been hanging out a lot. Some females that got undressed in front of him. He's always been pretty quiet about his encounters. This was very deliberate. Time continues and he sends pictures of her at the bar with a man. We chat and he says that his date has been talking with another guy all night... it's ok Beacause it's friendly. More time and I get a video of them dressing after sex. I joke and make a funny comment. He apologizes and says she's very jelpus and was drunk. She shouldn't have done that and he's very upset. I say I'm kinda flattered she's jeous and tell him I know they're dating. I'm not trying to be disrespectful just tell me your busy and I'm not inturrupt. He says it was totally an overreaction of hers because they're not dating. little bit more time. I get a picture of two other girls. He apologizes and says she was trying to send it to herself. Again I made light of it and said wellie it happens again im going to ask them how my pussy tastes when she's kissing you. He laughed like crazy and flirted through text all night.

    I'd told him I want to be closer again and I care and miss him. I invite him out and he can't even reply and decline. We haven't seen eachother in months.
    What is the healthiest thing for him now ? Do I tell him I accept him and just be upfront? Will that make him feel outed and not belived. Do i just keep acting like I don't know he's been watching it and continue to reach out avoiding sexuality. He's lost all his suppot system, was let go from his employer , moved in with his parents and needs a real friend. I think it's been too hard to interact with me now and his new friends he's still able to influence his perception. I feel like I let him down. That's not my place to discover any sexual interest or activity.
    I violated him. Please give me some feedback. I'm really worried about him and want our friendship back.
     
  2. AliX310

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    So much for making his short haha!
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    One word of advice only; parachute!
     
  4. lucky5338

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    This is not an uncommon situation.In short my advice to you would be to let him find his own way out of his feelings. I hurts when you see someone you love having fun with someone else - I have been there. The thing is, you are in a casual relationship albeit very loving. Each person should have their privacy and probably the best thing you can do is to find some time with someone new and see where that leads. If he really cares for you he will be back and if not you willl have lost nothing. My best wishes to you :)
     
  5. AliX310

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    I know right ?? I feel manipulated. To be fair he told me he alwasy cheats. Figured permission and just needing to be honest would make it simple. I just don't want anyone I care about feeling negative about anything the shared with me. Even accidentally. He never judged me
     
  6. AliX310

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    Thankyou. The romantic relationship is over. I'm just trying to be a friend and handle his feelings as best as possible. I've moved on Into another hopeless relationship. It's not the same intimacy. But a really good and dependable friend. Always upfront and always having my best interest at heart. It's good for now :)
    I was dating casually throughout the relationship. And very open about it. I had some very humerous situations and we both laughed at my naivety. I alway date men wih sexual identify issues. It's odd how oblivious I am and then click all at once lmao. At least I'm consistent. Thanks a lot. Hearing Im not being completely wrong helps immensely.
     
  7. AliX310

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    I want him to have fun... I just don't want him to keep messing with my feelings. I've been nothing but kind and supportive. I didn't expect this
     
  8. lbushwalker

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    Many relationships are unequal.
    You are a giver he a shameless taker!
     
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  9. AliX310

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    Well I'm sure his story would be a bit diffrent. I had him meet me after a date. And did start to see te man im with now frequently. We didn't have sex or do anything that would have exposed him to anything. And I was having discussions about the situation. He never wanted to say we were "dating " but he told me he felt like he was loosing me. And I told him he's not being fair. That I won't just wait. Nothing more I can really do. Sad me. I hate when there is a bad energy between me and someone I care for. Blha.
    Very kind feedback.... I expected men to let me have it !
     
  10. lbushwalker

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    No way SF dudes often defend the wounded party ;)
     
  11. AliX310

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    I'm sure he would claim wounded as well. All in the eye of the beholder. I tried to be fair. There a lot more that makes it a horrible situation for me. Everyone says the same thing. But I figured seeing me hurt biased their responce. Thank you for taking the time. Honestly. Kisses mr
     
  12. AliX310

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    So you're in San fransisco are you ? Very close to little me ;)
    How old are you honey ?
     
  13. lbushwalker

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    SF= Sexual Forums ;)
    I am in Australia, in the outback and 30 years senior to my SO who is 32 :)
     
  14. AliX310

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    Just means you're more valuable. Silly me , sorry about my confusion
     
  15. HotForHoney

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    I didn't finish reading your first post but from what I did read: RUN!
     
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  16. fbbg

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    Sounds to me like he wants it all his own way and he's a little bit bicurious but doesn't want to admit it to himself because he doesn't want to "be gay". If he's rejected your offer of help even as a friend then leave him to it.
     
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  17. Cappy_Dick

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    Seriously Ali, just let him go. If he was serious relationship material, he wouldn't have been doing this stuff all secretly. Sexual pictures, but they didn't have sex... Posed? Yea right. I'm gonna be blunt honey. There is a wealth of men 35-55 that wish they could find someone and would treat you a whole lot better. He pretty much lost you with his lies. Move on. Is one thing to be non committal in the beginning, but he's having his cake and eating it too. Do yourself a favor and stop at Tim Hortons. Maybe you'll wake up and smell the coffee!

    xx
     
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  18. BlueCollar

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    DTMFA= Dump The MotherFucker Already.
    Just short and to the point.
     
  19. glock27

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    Leave him. NOW!!!
     
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  20. AliX310

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    Thanks again everyone. I already know your all absolute correct. Rough time in my life and have neglected myself. Feels natural to excuse it and forgive it. But that's not at all going to help me short or long term. I'm very ... Much needing a fun and Healthy sex life. And there were big problems after the first few months. He got excited about the idea of sex. In he flesh He had no interest in it. I always iniated it, and felt like e was allowing it. I alwasy had to be on top and he was so quiet and still. Then he would have erectile dysfunction. It wasn't a big deal and he even thanked me a few times for making him feel ok about it. It got to be all the time. And we couldn't have sex for over a month. then he avoided sex and kissing all together. Wouldn't come in my home and I didn't want to start and make him feel pressure. So I would wait and cuddle and flirt but nothing. I never felt like he actually had a sex drive in person. But on phone we were hot and Talking about incorporating lots of wild things. That's the time frame he was with his girl. And tying her up and playing with her. Obviouslye was busy. And that's also when I began to go out semi regularly with the man I see now. I told him that things were going well and I was going to be sleepin with him soon. That It wasn't fair to not even say you're seeing me but I have to be exclusive. I ended up breaking it off with the new guy. I was cried to about how he doesn't want to loose me but he doesn't want to be unfair. Then I find out all this shit. And it's over a month later. I told him he should have just shared her with me and we all would have bbroke good. Innapropriate humor.
    I told him if we're both looking elsewhere then there's not much point. He pretty much just stopped talking to me already.

    Sex not only wasn't great ... It was really bad and was making everything feel uncomfortable and distant. The man is 33. Seems really young to never get an erection. I think ithe problem was my vagina !! I was pretty agressive about wanting sex and to make out like kids. Might not have listened if he did try to tell me he didn't want to sleep wih me anymore