need to vent

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by ejmcelfresh, May 12, 2014.

  1. ejmcelfresh

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    I haven't been on a date in almost 4 years, am still a virgin, and this is because I had so many relationships up to the point of my "haiatus" where the girl either cheated or was just looking to play with me, and not in the good way. I just got sick of the mind games.

    recently I met a rather stunning girl, she was a bit younger than me but absolutely jaw-dropping. We talked and texted for a week, sent pics quite a lot to each other and she kept telling me all these things she wanted me to do to her.

    I finally asked her out on a date and she was all for it and wanted to come back to my place after. But a few hours before the date she flaked out with the lame ass excuse that "we were going to quickly and now she is having second thoughts" . Other than taking her out, the going to my apartment thing was her idea!

    I'm just tired of the head games involved with this, I'm 26 and consider myself fairly mature, and since high school it seems no matter what girl I try to date they are always playing around or cheating on me.

    Is there something wrong with me??
     
  2. AGFUNK

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    Maybe you're not that confident or are picking the wrong women.
     
  3. ejmcelfresh

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    well my confidence is low but it just seems when I put myself out there, its the wrong girl.

    my confidence issue isn't exactly with my body (or other parts of it.) but it just seems everytime I'm going to try and date it goes poorly in some way.

    I'm currently excersizing and trying to lose weight/tone my body because I'm not happy with it but that's not a confidence killer for me because I can control how my body looks with effort from myself, which I'm doing now.
     
  4. oldkid

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    Ya just gotta keep culling the herd. You never will get used to the heartache, but, press on. Since the only dating you're doing right now is with Ol' Lady Thumb and her four daughters, you probably have enough time on your hands to have a look at this: http://www.menshealth.com
    /mhlists/is_she_good_in_bed/index.php

    I'm 70 YO but I keep trying and keep learning. Women are changing with the times, more liberated but independent now. A date isn't the same as it used to be. I'm not in the hunt, but younger women and girls may not know what they really want, but go out looking for it anyway. Keep yer pecker up.:cool:

    :)
     
    #4 oldkid, May 12, 2014
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  5. John W

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    Sounds like you are trying too hard. Try just going out before you start having conversations about what you are going to do to her. She may have started the conversation as flirtation, but she obviously had second thoughts once you had a date set. Back off that conversation and just try to have a good time.

    Once that is established, everything else will fall into place.

    Just my opinion...
     
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  6. ejmcelfresh

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    thanks for the advice, I'll just have to keep trying.

    that article was pretty insightful, didn't think ice cream could be a compatibility indicator.

    also john, she initiated the sexy talk, which I took as a green light. Guess not, eh?

    idk about the whole dating scene though, I never was a extra social type of person, I talked to people I knew from high school and pretty much stopped socializing passed them and now I'm in a large city with no one I know around me, so it gets intimidating at times.
     
    #6 ejmcelfresh, May 12, 2014
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  7. John W

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    Buddy, let me tell you, there is a double standard. I'm going to piss of the politically correct people here, but men and women are DIFFERENT. I've been married to Lizzie73 for 20 years now. It doesn't matter if we had wild crazy sex two hours ago (we didn't by the way), if I started up with raunchy conversation right now, I would get the "look" which would lead to no sex later.

    If she starts the conversation, roll with it but don't pile on. Even slow the conversation down, maybe that's what she is wanting? I don't know what she is/was thinking. However, to talk about what you are going to do to one another before you ever go on the first date seems really weird to me. Granted, I haven't dated anyone other than my wife in 23 years, so I'm sure things have certainly changed since then.

    I don't know what to tell you other than I would slow it down and just have a good time. If she is just looking for sex, she can certainly find it at any bar on any evening. Sounds like you want more than that.
     
  8. backcheck64

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    Just out of curiosity, how did your dates cheat on you, you're a virgin right? If you weren't having sex, it was a pretty casual thing and I personally would surmise an open relationship or no relationship. hence no cheating. If the women you went out with were anything like me when I was young, no sex after the third date and there wasn't a fourth, and that was only if she was killer looking. Slightly more ordinary looking and it was first or out.
     
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  9. CaramelLady

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    Harsh
     
  10. AGFUNK

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    You can date someone without having sex.
     
  11. ejmcelfresh

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    like agfunk said, sex doesn't make a relationship, its just unspokenly expected these days. These relationships are ones I had quite few years ago, when I was 18.

    I know its quite a foreign concept in these times but to me a "relationship" is when you're emotionally involved with some one and commited to that one person. Sex is a pleasant biproduct of this.

    Picking a girl up once in awhile to fuck her isn't what I'd call a relationship, on the contrary that is "a casual thing" and I think a lot of people would agree

    I suppose "sexting" before the first date is a bit strange, but again she initiated it and well I was okay with it. I suppose I could have handled the situation better of course but I can't read minds unfortunately.

    Hindsight is 20/20
     
    #11 ejmcelfresh, May 12, 2014
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  12. AGFUNK

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    I didn't say that. I said you don't have to have sex to date. In any case sex is important in a serious relationship.

    Honestly I've never talked about sex with someone I didn't want to actually fuck. Sounded like she didn't know what she wanted, was drunk or playing games.

    And it's really not strange to talk about sex before a first date.
     
  13. ejmcelfresh

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    sorry, my commas were in the wrong place so it came over wrong. I meant to say I agreed that you don't have to have sex, the next comma should have been a period ;P

    I'm not sure what she was doing, just irritated me is all I know.
     
  14. backcheck64

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    Sorry, things sure have changed.... back in the day, sex was part of dating. Some may wait a month, some a day, but I don't know of anyone back then that dated for any length of time that sex wasn't involved. And there was no expectation of exclusivity without a sexual relationship. I was under the impression girls were "easier" these days than back in the very early 80s. And no sex alone does not make a relationship, but it's a key component. I don't personally know if any deep relationship that will last without sex. It's pretty well expected in anyone your age and especially older.