Need some real advice

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by CosmicEye, Aug 6, 2011.

  1. CosmicEye

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    So long story short I was seeing this chick for a long while, about 2 years. The last 6 months of those 2 years Ive always felt I was incomplete because well, she was the first girl I had technically had sex with. I had messed around with a few others but never all the way before her. Well I ended up breaking up with her for this reason. 6 months later I decide to put this feeling aside and try again but the feeling came back a short while later and I broke it off again.

    One thing I would like to say about the relationship and the girl. It was almost perfect. We both are honest people, we make each other laugh, we finish each others sentence, never ever fought not once (during relationship part), and good sex all the time, and 100% trust. Cant really ask for much more.

    I guess my problem is that I feel like Ive missed out on so much in my teens and life before her, and I want to make that time up. I just cant be happy with myself with commiting the the only girl I have ever had sex with. I just dont want any regrets later down the road. Alot of my friends always talk about the women they've been with and some freaky shit they've done, and I want part of that. I want to experience a one night stand or a FWB atleast once.

    Have any men here married their one and only? How do I get over this feeling, or should I still enforce what I want for myself?
     
  2. Meee

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    Random thoughts:

    Two breakups, and she might not even be interested in coming back again.

    It's too late to take care of unfinished business from your teen years, and that's probably a good thing anyway.

    Your friends could be telling stories. Don't do anything based on them.

    More random thoughts later.
     
  3. cbrmale

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    My problem is this one in reverse. That is I had many one night stands and friends with benefits, but my first real relationship was with my now wife. I sometimes see younger boyfriends and girlfirends and wish I had been through that stage, but I grew up in a very difficult environment and that made it hard for me to relate emotionally. No problems with sex, just emotional commitment.

    Fortunately I don't feel the need to go out and date to make up for that which I have lost. It's over and I can't re-create the past.

    I do undestand this situation though. I have my sexual style as does everyone, and I learned a lot from some or many of the women who made up my past. My natural style is gentle and romantic, but I learned other styles which I now bring into my sexual palette. To some extent or perhaps to a large extent, my wife being a virgin when we married has inhibited her sexual development, and she would probably be quite different had she had more than one sexual partner in her life.

    I am glad that I had a number of sexual partners. It was fun, adventurous, challenging and more.

    Casual sex was, is and always will be easy to come by. Good casual sex is an art: to hook into a stranger and she to hook into you such that you are both satisified by the sex which you share. Almost certainly something suited to extroverts, or those who can operate as extroverts. You need to make your partner relaxed and comfortable with you, and you need to quickly work-out her style and what works with her. Otherwise it can be empty and unsatisfying. One of the unique things about sex is that unsatisfying sex for your partner is unsatisfying for you, and satisfying for our partners is more satisfying to you. The more you give the more you get.

    Friends with benefits are quite different again! I did have some, and it was only because I could offer a few things which appealed to those women. One was my confidence, another was my sexual skills and a third was something else. If we met for a one-night stand and she agreed to continue seeing each other for sex but not for a relationship, why would she? Because it was good.

    The more common friends with benefits are pre-existing friends who become sexual partners, and continue to do so on a casual basis. But again, the sex has to be good enough for this to happen.

    I think it's good to get this sort of frustration out of one's system, otherwise it will eat away and become destructive over time. The other thing is you may learn a lot, and one of those is that casual sex is great, or mybe you aren't suited to casual sex! For me, there's nothing more exciting than a new partner. Everything is different: her taste, her touch, her scent, the way she respponds to your touch, the way she responds to everything you do to her. It's intoxicating! Sometimes it doesn't work, a casual hook-up I recently had fell into that category. We got on well enough together and she was attractive for her age, but it just didn't work between us. C'est la vie. We weren't suited, but that didn't destroy my confidence for my next adventure. I think, if anything, it made me more determined to make hte next one special, and indeed that's what happened.
     
  4. Trond

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    Listen to Meee (and me too :p). She makes a lot of sense and she's still a teenager even. :)

    But seriously, the amount of BS I heard from friends in my teens was quite alarming. It's usually about pumping up mediocre events until it sounds like a grand experience. Really not worth throwing away a relationship over. Besides, were your years as a single guy really that fantastic? Chances are, if you go back to being single it's going to be much the same as before. It's the "grass is always greener on the other side" story. Our minds are funny that way.
     
  5. MILF_Rider

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    Sounds like you are describing her as the kind of girl who would be perfect for you if you were more mature, but that you aren't.

    Do you think someone else's pussy is going to feel better, and that is going to be the basis of deciding that they are a better choice of whom to grow old with?

    I dunno dude, my quick reaction was "oh come on"... Then I looked at your age. Maybe it's normal for dudes to not be mature until they're past they're 20's, I've certainly heard it said that way.

    Sex is physical and emotional, and you can grow bored with the physical part. The way this sounds to me as if you're throwing away the part that you don't get bored with because of the part you do. (Pardon my imprecision of words, the emotional part takes constant work, but it's the partt hat can get better over time even if you do the same thing physically - for lack of a better way of stating it)
     
  6. Moon

    Moon New Member

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    I married my first and only sexual partner at the time, I met him when I was 15 and we have now to all extent and purposes split.

    A few thoughts of my own.

    The two of you will never have the trust that you once had, she will always be wondering when the next 'I'm leaving' is coming.

    If you are feeling you have missed out on something now, that feeling, however well buried, will grow and turn into resentment further down the line.

    If you have missed out on a normal stage of development you will at some point go and live through it, stages of development are fluid things, different people hit them at different times and sometimes slightly different orders, but we all feel the need to go through all of them at some point. I.e. it is never too late to live through your teenage stage, it just happens a little differently........

    However it works out for you, be true to yourself - Be who you are, not who others expect you to be. I wish you all the luck in the world love xxx
     
  7. inchaosandriots

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    this is sad but true.

    one way or another you need to get this out of your system now, before you get older.

    years down the road, if you two were meant to be together, you will be.
     
  8. inchaosandriots

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    the only other way i see being able to pull off something like this is an open relationship where you're extremely open, honest, and trusting of each other. you love each other and are best of friends, but self-aware enough to recognize that you're still young and want to fuck around and openly support and encourage each other's endeavors to that end.

    it's nearly impossible to pull off if you let jealousy into the picture at all or have feelings of self-doubt and need the other person to be faithful to you 24/7.

    but there's a difference between physical and emotional faithfulness, and if you guys can differentiate the two, then it just might work. but the odds are definitely not in your favor.
     
  9. slashaddicted

    slashaddicted New Member

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    If you want to live life then travel the world. You can do crazy things with that special someone. I would think when you truly love someone you don't think about all the other people you haven't had sex with. You can experience new things with her.

    No matter what side people will think it's greener on the other side. It's definitely not fair to her to indirectly ask her to wait for you to do all the crazy shit you wished you did in your teens. By the time you realize all that stuff was always unimportant you will have lost her.
     
  10. CosmicEye

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    Thanks for the posts guys it means alot.

    I dont know if its JUST pussy. I mean of course sex with others is important but I want to meet other other people and see what kind of people there are out there and maybe share an intement moment. I try not to hold on to what I was like before her, very shy, waited for women to come to me which was horrible advice from my dad, but I would like to make up for freedoms I may have missed. I dont mean to sound like Im comparing myself to others either, but everytime man talk happens, Im just sitting there in the corner quiet.

    One thing I should add is that she will be 28 in Sep. I think the age difference poses a small problem. Also she was literally a whore in college and she can admit that. Her friends always bring up some shit from then that just pisses me off and it makes me really jelous that I could never even do that even once. But she has changed since Ive met her and still trust her 100% with no worries at all and I know that.

    Lets see, an open relationship will never happen. She cant stand to even imagine me with someone else and then come home to her, which I understand. I wouldnt want that either. Altho, she would be down for a 3some and since reading some stuff on this forum, I would like to see her get fucked by another guy :)

    She wont let me go tho and now Im thinking its for good reason. We are a great couple and everyone can see it radiate from us. Im not asking her to wait for me either. I want her to go and find some man or men that she can be with but I hope it doesnt work. I am meaning to do the same thing. Just be single but always keep each other in mind. I just need to shake this feeling in order to try and come back because neither of us go thru this again. Its like the fucking devil in my ear.
     
  11. Meee

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    LOL. Next random thought:

    You might want to stop saying she was "literally" a whore, even if she literally was one.
     
  12. CosmicEye

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    haha yeah sorry but shes been around. Not that that really bothers me, as long as the stories are not shoved in my face. I might have been a bit angry with that post too :p

    I wish she would open relationship it...
     
  13. CosmicEye

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    Goddammit this fucking bitch can piss me the fuck off in 2 seconds flat!!! I sware it makes me wanna throw any thought about this out the window.
     
  14. Meee

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    Wait! This is the girl with the yeast infection that made you suspect her. Not that it matters, because you aren't together, but oh yeah she's an ex and you had a booty call. Wow was I slow on that one. Now your talk about commitment and 100% trust looks ridiculous. Game over. This thread should be over too.
     
  15. CosmicEye

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    Good guess. Why is that game over? I didnt really suspect her of being with someone else, I told you I wouldnt care at all if she did. And, SHE hit me up.

    Shes trippin so much right now about some dumb shit anyways. Its complcated like any other relationship problem. /thread if you want.
     
  16. LivingDeadGirl

    LivingDeadGirl New Member

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    bleh. relationships...
     
  17. CosmicEye

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    Decided to go with an open relationship where we tell all. Meh, could be fun....
     
  18. Untamed

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    Good luck with the open relationship :)
     
  19. mrmrs

    mrmrs New Member

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    So I just backtracked through the thread & read most of the comments.


    I read that she had a yeast infection...well, I hope you didn't think that was caused by cheating..because my 3 year old son just had one..they appear in damp dark places & well, not being potty trained he got one. Anyone can get them for no reason. So, I hope the relationship wasn't thrown away over that.

    & well, I've done things with my fiance that I've never done with any other person. I just had meteokre[sp?] sex before him..mostly just missionary/spooning/doggy position & just vaginal...now I do just about every position, blowjobs, anal, swallow, do it anywhere[outside, car, house, trips]...I've explored so much with him, as he has with me. It's built our relationship even more & leaving isn't really an option because we overly enjoy what we do & wouldn't want to ever stop doing it & not find someone after us. So, aside from talking about me...

    You guys sound like you have something, why throw that away to be with other women & see if there is better? If you guys get along just fine, keep it that way..relationships aren't like light switches..they can't be turned off & on whenever convenient. If she is what you want & like, keep it..my man & I have sure had some pritty bad times..but we have too much to lose...our love really conquers all. If you give love with her a chance, you too could get through anything. & I mean love, not lust. Give it a try..what's the worst that could happen..you either get a chance with her & it doesn't work out, or you both realize that you were made for eachother & you don't lose her.
     
  20. kumquat

    kumquat Member

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    I think you mean 'mediocre'.



    But to the OP -
    I think you should enjoy what you have, rather than worry about what you could/should/might have had in the past.
    Then again, you can't change the way you feel, no matter how you rationalise it, so maybe it's better to go down your own road until the way you feel changes.