Need Some Honeymoon Advice

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by johnny97, Sep 20, 2010.

  1. johnny97

    johnny97 New Member

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    I soon will be married. I realize that this kind of thing happens everyday, but not to me! So I'm pretty excited about it. :D

    I've been doing my homework, studying up on anything I can get my hands on as it concerns to married life. I know I can't really prepare for the majority of it (most of life is just about wingin' it), but it's probably the most meaningful life decision I've made up to this point, so I want to do what I can to prepare!

    Backstory - I am 24 years old, my soon-to-be wife is 23. We are both virgins.... through and through. I was her first boyfriend, she was my second girlfriend (My first ended badly after 5 years, but that's life). Neither of us have gone past the point of kissing (we're talking no tongue action either!), ever.

    You may begin to see why I am here.

    No, I'm not here to ask some inane question about what sex is going to be like, if it's going to hurt her, or the other handful of questions people usually ask. Believe me, I know the answers. I've studied up, remember?

    However, I still would like to ask a couple questions about preparation for the wedding night.

    For instance, I know she has very sensitive skin (she also can't use laundry softener without getting a rash; she also has some eczema on her shoulders) that tends to get dry as well. Since I don't know the full cause of the dryness and I don't know yet how the birth control will affect her (especially considering she hasn't ever taken birth control before now), I have tried to find a lubricant that will be as mild as possible, just in case if we have any problems with lack of natural lube (and just for fun too!). I know that water-based lubes fit with what I want. I already have a bottle of Astroglide (sadly the kind with glycerin, not the kind without it and paraben), but I'd like to pick up another brand that's glycerin-free. Any recommendations? If she were to have some sort of mild reaction to the lube, what would be the tell-tale signs (burning may not be a good indicator, since things might be a little tender the first time anyway)? Would there be any kind of cream/medication I could get just in case of mild irritation due to lubricant?

    I know that UTI's and yeast infections are pretty common for honeymooners. I also know that proper hygiene is crucial to avoiding this (washing before sex, urinating after sex, not using things that disturb the cultures in her vagina or upset the pH balance, etc). However, I was thinking... and this might be crazy, I don't know: If acidophilus cultures (in creams, supplements, or yogurt) can help fight yeast infections, would there be anything I could do or take to reduce the amount of bad bacteria and increase the good bacteria in my body, in order to reduce the amount of bad bacteria I'm going to passing to her? Should I recommend anything to her that she could take leading up to the honeymoon?

    This leads to other supplements. We both currently take a daily vitamin, but are there any extra vitamins/minerals/whatever (and I'm not talking about tiger penis or anything crazy like that, haha) that you would would recommend to help be all the more healthy overall and also for sexual health?

    In case if she has a problem with the birth control and has to stop taking it, I've looked into getting some condoms on standby. I ordered an Okamoto variety pack, but I feel like the smell they have is too... weird. It doesn't smell like latex or lube, just kind of odd. Can anyone recommend a good condom? Since it's an important event, they can be a little pricey, I won't mind! Preferably one with a nice smell? Maybe one of the new polyisoprene types, like SKYN?

    It may seem weird, but I've tried to eliminate a lot of the potential surprises when it comes to anything that might make her uncomfortable or unhealthy. I want it to be a relaxing, fun, youthfully awkward, but ultimately extremely enjoyable experience for her and I. I've read some about technique, but I don't have any grand delusions that I will be a sex professional when I first start out. I'm excited about learning about her body and getting to know her intimately more than anything else, so I won't be rushing into anything before she is ready physically and emotionally. I've waited my whole life to know her in that way, I will have no problem waiting until the right time to "consummate" the marriage. :p Depending on timing (like how late the reception lasts), we may not quite make it "there" on the wedding night, but we will have a blast anyway!

    If this was too long and you skipped to here, I feel free to suggest what I should put in my "two people that have never had sex before" kit:

    In My Honeymoon Kit (so far)
    • A couple sets of sheets
    • Lots of towels
    • Clean underwear (Momma didn't raise no fool)
    • My hand-picked mix of music to lose my virginity to :lol
    • Astroglide Lubricant
    • Rose petals
    • Candles
    • Big comfy bed
    • Chocolate
    • Lots of bottles of water
    • Patience, Love, a Sense of Humor, and Realistic Expectations

    Need Suggestions:
    • Condoms
    • 2nd Lubricant (glycerin and paraben free)
    • Massage Oil
    • Pre-honeymoon Vitamins/Supplements
    • Vaginal cream/medication to help in the case of irritation
    • Anything I have not thought of
     
    #1 johnny97, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  2. Mittimer

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    My best advice is to stop over thinking it and relaxing. It's all going to be ok. :)

    Condoms. My favorite kind are Trojan ultra thin, non lubricated. The latex free ones are also "ok" but I don't have a latex allergy so I don't use them.

    Lube. I use and love KY sensitive jelly. It's free of just about everything because I have an issue with lubes too. I've been able to pull off using the Ky tingling lube without any issue. It's just got a menthol in it that makes you feel cold down there. Or if all else fails, medical grade lube is amazing. You can order it online for like 10 bucks a tube that will last quite a while.

    Massage oil: Stick with a natural vitamin E oil that you can buy at pretty much any health food store or even order online. The KY lube that you user for your personal bits can also double as a massage oil. It works, it stays slick, it's good.

    Vits/Supp: Honestly, don't worry about that. Just stick with your normal day to day regimen and try to stay healthy so you don't spend your honeymoon sick. :)

    Vaginal medication: Get some Monistat yeast infection cream. It's only a few dollars at the store and God forbid she get an infection while on your honeymoon, this will help with it right away.

    In case of irritation or rash due to allergic reaction, get a hydrocortozone cream that will help with the itching and inflammation.

    Ice helps too.

    Watch for itching, burning and rash if she's having a reaction.


    It's completely normal for her to become red and/or swollen in the vaginal region when turned on, during and after sex. It's part of the arousal. Don't worry! :)

    You're probably going to hurt her, she's probably going to bleed her first time. Just take it slow slow slow and let be prepared to stop the first time after you get in.

    If she's not going to start birth control until the honeymoon, you MUST use a condom. It's highly recommended that you use an alternative method the first month of using a oral contraceptive. You don't want any slip up's right away.

    Also, don't use silicon lubes with latex condoms. Not always safe.

    Consult her doctor before she starts taking an oral birth control because some medications or even vitamins she's on can and may interact badly with the pills and you can run the risk of her getting pregnant if the pills are put together and react in a bad way.

    Always take the pills the same time every day, don't miss a dose. :)


    Have fun, relax and fill us in on your first time :p

    If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to ask. :)
     
  3. Meee

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    I'm confused. You mention birth control and you mention condoms. Will she be on birth control or not?

    How long until the wedding?

    Also (and I have reasons for asking this), what country are you in?

    Do not use the regular Astroglide. Search the stores until you find the one with the green cap.

    Forget UTIs and so on. Not worth worrying about.

    Forget supplements and "sexual health." You're still young. It'll be fine. Don't overthink.

    Possibly controversial advice: Weddings are stressful and exhausting. Get some rest on your wedding night. Sleep together--literally. Wake up refreshed, have a nice breakfast, and so on. In the late morning or in the afternoon, with the sun shining, have a nice sensual time ( <-- euphemism of the day). Don't bother with candles, music, rose petals--LOL. Keep it simple, focus on communicating, take your time.
     
  4. Mittimer

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    So true!
     
  5. JimmyBeans

    JimmyBeans New Member

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    I was just going to say "Put it in her", but it's going to look a little crass now with these women clucking away with their advice and home remedies.

    It's very sweet that you're thinking about it this much, but unless she's the girl-in-a-bubble, it seems excessive.

    Sure, go some specialist lube and non-latex condoms, other than that it's silly to try to double-guess what she may or may not react to. I doubt she'll burst into flames or anything.
     
    #5 JimmyBeans, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  6. awakened

    awakened New Member

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    I think you are a wonderful man taking all these measures to try to make things go well, but you will never be able to cover all issues. My wedding night I was so run down from stress and excitement I started running a fever and got a sore throat so my honey had to leave our hotel that night to search for open pharmacy for tylenol and throat drops. Whatever may happen , you will remember forever. I dont think negatively about that night at all, to the contrary I have the memory of him being so loving and taking care that I felt comfortable.
     
  7. Godiva

    Godiva Member

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    I'm a "girl in the bubble" so as a fellow virgin and allergy sufferer, if i knew my fiancée was taking this much care, it would earn him bonus points for forever.
    I congratulate you on holding back and saving everything for marriage!
    Seriously, you are commended!
     
  8. johnny97

    johnny97 New Member

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    Haha, the planning is fun for me! I basically just want to have most of the emergency "stuff" on hand so that if anything happens, I don't have to interrupt the honeymoon to hunt it down. I've got all the time in the world to find it now and have it on hand "just in case", but every moment I'm at the local pharmacy on the week of my honeymoon is just one more moment that I'm not naked spooning with my new wife. :) When it comes down to it, I know I can't plan for everything. I'm definitely not even trying to plan on us being anything other than awkward, bumbling goof balls, but that's fine. Half the fun will be learning together! :D

    Everything else you mentioned is top notch advice, as well.

    I guess I didn't quite spell out that she's going to be taking the birth control for a few months prior to the wedding to make sure there are no complications. I'm preparing for the case in which she has complications, and we will have to go the condom route.

    4 months (so yes, I know I'm a little early to be putting this much thought into it, but with oral contraceptives, you never know what kind of complications might show up)

    The United States of America :)

    Yes, I think I'll pick up some of the Astroglide Natural. It seems to get pretty good reviews.

    I basically just don't want to feel like crap on my honeymoon. So pretty much just eating right and exercising will be what I want. I know there are a few male specific vitamins that help keep things healthy, too. I am just looking for any specific foods that might help (certain fruits, nuts, yogurt, whatever).

    Candles, music, rose petals... those are just for the entrance effect, not for business time.... :lol. But I agree with you, if the mood is blown by frazzled nerves, tiredness, etc, It will not happen until the next day. However, if she jumps me and is trying to tear my clothes off... well, I think I'll probably let her. :p I am mentally prepared for either scenario (and I really don't have any preconceived notions about how it "should" go). We have lots of talking and exploring to do before... "consummating" :) the marriage, so if we don't make it to home plate by the end of the night, we will still have a lot of fun running the bases.

    Thanks everyone else for your advice.

    Since she doesn't know hardly anything about her own body... I will be filling her in on the details, and talking her through the medical type issues. Thank God she at least took an anatomy class... :lol I know she is going to be nervous and self-conscious, and a lot of her nervousness will subside if I confidently can tell her things without having to guess. I can't imagine how horrible I would feel if I didn't know about the hymen. With the potential pain and blood involved, she'd probably start freaking out and I'd think I did something wrong. So learning ahead of time seems like a good thing to me. :)

    Lol, yes, I'm sure I will "put it in her", but I'm just trying to do a little legwork before the big day. I'd rather spend the honeymoon trip working on "the finer details" instead of making an ER trip because "it burns and there are bumps, and we don't know why" or trying to solve the riddle of "what is this smelly stuff oozing out?" That way I can "put it in her" more often, and we both can get some enjoyment out of it.
     
    #8 johnny97, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  9. Beach

    Beach New Member

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    My quickly put thought..Add a simple vibrating ring sold almost everywhere and fairly cheap. IDk there may be some that think that may wait for later, but i for one would add that to the list of things !

    Enjoy the experience ! I hope everything goes great !
     
    #9 Beach, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  10. johnny97

    johnny97 New Member

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    I ...might... already have one of those in the honeymoon kit. :naughtydance You know, just in case we want to try it later on in the week.
     
  11. Beach

    Beach New Member

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    very cool..BTW you may wanna get a few for two reasons:

    1- I have bought a few duds that didn't work at all.

    and

    2- If its a hit, they don't last too too long b4 the little battery is pooped out !..lol :lol
     
  12. johnny97

    johnny97 New Member

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    I got one with a replaceable battery, and got some extra batteries, in case it's a big hit. I got my eye on a different kind that I'll probably pick up sometime before the wedding, that way she can decide which one she likes better, if she likes them at all.

    I figure at some point, if we get sleepy and still want to have some fun that it might be nice to have options that don't involve moving a lot.
     
    #12 johnny97, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  13. Beach

    Beach New Member

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    LMAO .Your progressing along nicely grasshopper ! I like your plan...
     
  14. Mittimer

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    Any of the ones that you buy in the grocery store are one time use ones. They are not able to have their batteries replaced. They are also extremely unsanitary if you reuse them. They are made of a very flimsy material that collects all sorts of bacteria. Throw them away after one use.

    I HIGHLY suggest buying a toy cleaner, or if you don't want to buy them, get disinfectant wipes from the grocery store.

    Invest in a good vibrating cock ring if you plan to use them more then once. They are made of thicker better materials and have bullets in them that allow for replacing batteries.
     
  15. johnny97

    johnny97 New Member

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    Haha, the great thing is that I'm too embarrassed to shop in a grocery store (after I'm married and the wife is there with me, then embarrassment will quickly turn to pride), so I've only considered the halfway decent quality stuff. I picked up the reusable Two-O from the Screaming O line.

    The one I'm looking at getting is the 4US ring by Rocks Off, which is a bit more... substantial.

    Some disinfectant would be a good idea. I will add that.
     
    #15 johnny97, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  16. Beach

    Beach New Member

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    Lol..Yep It wasn't too too long ago that I felt the same way you do about shopping. Now I waltz on in there to my local toyz shop and will converse with the staff about whats new and what not...
    I don't think I'm allowed to offer links to online shopping, but I did that for the first time last week.. Free next day shipping was cool.
     
  17. Meee

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    Run--don't walk--to the bookstore and buy Our Bodies Ourselves. Give it to her as a present. Be direct about pointing out the chapters about sexuality and female anatomy.
     
  18. johnny97

    johnny97 New Member

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    Thank you for the recommendation. I have been looking for such a book. I have a feeling that she will get something like that from one of her bridesmaids, but I'm not going to chance it.

    Now the trick will be if she actually reads it... You should see the girl blush anytime anything gets said about anything related to the reproductive system! I did exaggerate a little; she was a biology major, so she does know about all the parts, ovulation, etc. But as far as sexual pleasure, she is willingly naive, and plans to be as close up to the wedding night as possible (though there will be a few things that we will need to at least try to talk about before then). I think it's cute, but we will be doing a lot of sexy learnin' before getting to the down and dirty.

    Oh well, we will spend the wedding night doing show and tell, if we need to. :lol
     
    #18 johnny97, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  19. Meee

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    LOL. Trust me--she probably won't mention the book again after you give it to her, but secretly she'll devour it.