need some condom related advice

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by thirteen, Jan 30, 2007.

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  1. thirteen

    thirteen New Member

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    Hi there

    I'm new to the forum, although I've lurked a little bit now and again, but decided that it was time to ask for some advice, so here I am. (Be gentle!)

    Bascially, it's a problem with condoms.

    When it comes to sex, if I don't have a condom on, everything is fine and dandy, no problems whatsoever, enjoyable, good, all the usual great stuff.

    However, I've developed something of a problem with condoms over the years.

    When I first started being sexually active all those years ago, I couldn't come with a condom on. Not at all. It didn't bother me - I never thought about ever asking a girl to do it without, or putting any pressure on any of the girls I'm with. I even faked a few times just so that the girls in question wouldn't feel bad or inadequate, because I knew it wasn't their fault.

    Over the years, the problem developed from lasting forever to not being able to sustain an erection with a condom on - it would sort of fade away after a short spell, without my climaxing, and just not recover as long as the condom was on.

    Now it's reached the stage where whenever I put a condom on, I just go limp instantly. It's a struggle to get it not to happen, and maybe one time out of ten the condom will not cause me to immediately go limp.

    This is really getting to me. My last relationship, which lasted four years, was ok because we were both tested+clean and she was on the pill, so it was great, but obviously now that I'm single again and, well, being with new people, it's a huge issue for me, because (again) I don't want to take any risks, either with my own health or indeed with the health or situation of anyone I'm with.

    Most frustrating night of my life was a few weeks ago. A girl I had been seeing for a little while came home with me for the first time, and after a few hours of foreplay, it came time to go further - the second the condom went on, down he went. No matter what she did. The second the condom came off - BING! Right back up and standing to attention. Another condom put on - down it went again. Taken off - up it rose. You get the drift.

    (I've tried lots of different types, shapes, sizes, materials, manufacturers, etc and not found any that make any difference)

    So, yeah, a bit long winded, for which I apologise, but has anyone else had this problem (or been with someone who did)? Any advice as to what I can do to get over this? I'm even considering hypnotherapy, because it's obviously something psychological, seeing as I'm absolutely fine without one.

    Any and all help much appreciated!

    xx
     
  2. pirouette

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    A quick question? Have you considered a vasectomy? Do you wish to have children in the future?
     
  3. thirteen

    thirteen New Member

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    Being totally honest, I would love to have kids in the future, but at this point in time I feel too young to yet make a concrete and informed decision on it one way or the other... so a vasectomy wouldn't really be an option.

    Plus it wouldn't help with the safe sex ideal, if you're sort of implying that I get the snip and just don't bother with condoms again?
     
  4. pirouette

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    A vasectomy is really only ideal if you're going to stay with one (safe) partner. I met a man who got a vasectomy and then had it reversed years later when he wanted children. And my husband's vasectomy has definately improved the sex.
    It's obvious that there's something going on in your head creating the problem. Have you ever tried masturbating with a condom on? (I know, sounds odd):ugh
     
  5. thirteen

    thirteen New Member

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    I have tried it, yes. It's a sort of 50% hit and miss ratio, really. Sometimes it's fine, sometimes again the second it goes on, the erection is gone and irretrievable until it's off again.

    Frustrating!
     
  6. jódame

    jódame New Member

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    I was going to suggest the masturbation thing, too. It may simply be a matter of practice makes perfect. It does seem to be that your problem is psychological, though. You might consider seeing a therapist who specializes with sexual disfunction. This is obviously affecting your sex life (and, thus, all current and future relationships), and could very well begin to affect your overall self-esteem. Good luck, in any case.
     
  7. nudler

    nudler New Member

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    it could also be that the condoms are too small....i had a problem like this but changed to magnums and all has been fine since...
     
  8. doberman

    doberman New Member

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    i use large-sized ones.. had about the same problem with others..

    condoms also can be used nicely in sexual foreplay.. as long as your new gf is into oral sex for example.. if not, the last way out i see in pharma's.. but maybe that last one is a rather bad piece of advice..
     
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