need some advise

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by rugerdog28, Feb 13, 2012.

  1. rugerdog28

    rugerdog28 New Member

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    So here's the deal I've been with my girlfriend for nine years. It's been over five years since we have had a night to ourselves mainly because of kids. When w duo get a chance to fool around it's always a rush. So I'll get to my point I'm taking her to the coast on our anniversary and I'm trying to get her to try new things in bed but she is very vanilla in bed. I've tried for years to get her to broaden her mind to no avail. I would like some ideas on ways to open her mind a little tap into her kinky side a little. Any input would be great
     
    #1 rugerdog28, Feb 13, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2012
  2. LordOfChaos

    LordOfChaos Member

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    Can you be more specific about what she does like? Then we won't suggest things that you might have already done with her.

    Cheers
     
  3. pbs

    pbs
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    Don't talk about what you're going to do - just do it.

    When you finally have a lot of time together, just take it EVER SO SLOWLY. Take her to the brink very slowly, hold her there as long as you can, and make her cum before you do. Make her orgasm a gentle and teasing one that takes some time to unfold, and she will likely be ready for another shortly. Savor the time together and enjoy every stroke, every caress, and every tingle you can give each other.
     
  4. rugerdog28

    rugerdog28 New Member

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    mostly plain sex. I try to get her to tell me what she likes but she just avoids the topic and says"I don't know." I am down for literally anything but she just doesn't open up about it.
     
  5. hubbywubby

    hubbywubby New Member

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    I think its good to start of the old fashion way to get things going. Just start making out and don't even thing about fucking. keep that on the back burner. Make sure YOU enjoy and think about everything you doing to her. Just take the moment and enjoy each thing your doing. I like to make out with my wife and she is a sucker and will fully submit when I start using my tongue o her. I slide it everywhere . I French kiss her I like her teeth he gums and he lips O work my way to her neck and then shes mine. I like to use a black silk scarf and i tie it around her to blindfold her. I like to pull her to the side of he bed because I do my best fucking while I'm standing. Not sure why I just do. But like I said I only do that after I make her cum or get her real close with my tongue and fingers. Once she she blind folded I have this thing about not worrying about her looking at me and seeing a weird look or something that can kill the mood. Also with the blind fold she never knows whats coming. Just let her know you will turn the lights down so she does not feel too vulnerable. Then once you get her where you want her do things that you always wanted to. She ma not be able to see it but she will probably love it. I like putting my finger in and turning the up wards. like just rubbing her g spot while i slide my tounge between her pussy lips and suck not to hair but with a lot of vacuum in little spurts on her clit. I can tell when shes ready because her pussy startst to clamp down on my fingers. At that point I either finish her off. or i slide my fingers out and replace them with my cock and fuck to orgasim... good luck
     
  6. 12barblues

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    do it the old fashioned way...dinner and drinks.....heavy on the drinks part of it...my ex was very "vanilla" as u said.. but would open up quite a bit when drinking...in all honesty tho. getting someone to be "in touch" with their sexuality, when they arent, can be a very difficult thing..i hope she can open up and i hope it gets better for you....
     
  7. pbs

    pbs
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    I think the message here is that she really doesn't know what will give her pleasure, and it's up to you to find out by exploring her and learning her body language. Most gals like to be kissed, all over, and when you find a responsive spot, pull back at first, and then go back to it, but more gently than before so she can relax into the feeling. Then discover more spots, and treat them the same way until you find one that she won't let you leave, and may push you back to it. Work your way to her clit this way, and when she lets you know she wants you to touch it, deny her at first, and then be ever so gentle with it that she "takes charge," and moves or pulls you into it. Then you take over. This is Slow Sex 101, practiced mostly by older people, but appreciated by girls of all ages.
     
  8. rugerdog28

    rugerdog28 New Member

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    Thanks for all the suggestions. My biggest thing is I've done just about all of it. I know every spot that makes her squirm she just never truly relaxes. We might have to get some drinks lol!
     
  9. thunderseed

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    All of those suggestions did not work? I hate to be the one who says it, buttttt.... Perhaps plain normal sex is what turns her on.

    My question to you is, since you and your partner are still having sex, why is there a problem here?

    Unfortunately in my life I have met a lot of people who do not have such thing as a kinky side.

    Is that bad, that they prefer normal sex? No. That is actually quite normal. Similarly I would expect them to not judge my devious and illegal sexual fetishes. But would I force those fetishes onto them? Not a chance!

    I guess since my fetishes have always been so wild and out there, I have had to accept that I need to tone it down. As well as I need to respect their boundaries and limits. I have had to learn to be turned on by simple sex and to be happy with it. If I really loved someone, I would not want to push them out of their comfort zone.

    Being a recovered sex addict, the fact that no one can live up to my sexual standards no longer bothers me at all. Now here is the big ticket: Sex is only what you make of it. It is your view, your mind, part of you that is not enjoying it for what it is. It's what is underlying the sex that is not working. Hell if I can train myself to enjoy normal sex, anything is possible.

    You hear all the time of couples needing to spice of their sex lives, but that doesn't have to be by buying half a sex shop or bringing in the barn yard animals. That happens on a more emotional level too. That is done by a change of view alone, and that is done with the couple. People use toys and fetishes to liven it up, but all it takes is two people and your brain to do that.

    What is it exactly that you want to do? It would greatly help me brainstorm incredible ideas. By the way, my view of kinky is not normal things like oral and anal sex. But either way vaginas are good for everything.

    Typically, I would be fine with anything I can get. But if their sex drives are not up to par, that is when I take action.

    If they are really not into anything, then I just introduce things, but not crazy things, I do it slowly. If she has no clue, and doesn't like anything kinky, all you can do is just gently introduce things in bed. No asking her anything, just do it and she might find she really enjoys it.

    Have you tried actually talking to her honestly about how it makes you feel? She may comprehend you are pushing her and encouraging her, but maybe she doesn't realize that it is that important to you? Perhaps upon knowing that, she will try.


     
  10. rugerdog28

    rugerdog28 New Member

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    Basically all I want is to try to get her to open up. I know she will never be down fir a quarter of the things I like I just want some ideas on how to get her to open her mind a little, and maybe not talking about it and just doing it is a way to ease new things
     
  11. slickdick

    slickdick Member

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    Rugurdog28...this response may or may not apply to you and your wife...but it is in my experiences that when you come across a women like that, she is usually into some very very kinky stuff...but is afraid or maybe a little shy, or even a little embarrassed to come out with it.

    Short Story:
    My wife is the same way man, and I am basically dying trying to hang in there!!! So one day i asked her "what are you into? whats your sexual fantasies?" because in my opionion, nobody can possibly be that "vanilla" as you put it. my wife then proceed shyly to tell me she was into Shemales, guy on guy and bondage!! things like that!!

    Bro i was totally shocked!! So maybe give that a try!! like I said i maybe could be that/
     
  12. mikeh

    mikeh New Member

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    That's good advice. By finding out what she likes and wants to do she will over time open up and be more receptive to your likes.
     
  13. pbs

    pbs
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    Maybe finding a way to get her to "live in the moment" via booze or other mood enhancing stuff? My wife is like another person when she's "under the influence," she opens up completely.
     
  14. rugerdog28

    rugerdog28 New Member

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    That's been the thing I'm trying to get her to open up.
     
  15. coramfuncpl00

    coramfuncpl00 New Member

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    from experience -- doing the booze thing is a big risk, you may get her to open up and then again you may get what you want that night and her pissed at you in the morning for taking advantage of her! Other problem is that drinking can kill memories and you want her to remember what is going on so she becomes more willing to explore.

    Understand, especially in America society teaches us that vanilla is the only right and respectful way and talking about it is just wrong...anything else is considered, "dirty," or "disgusting." So most women who haven't explored this side before, will not open up verbally...you have to do it physically

    You said you know all the spots to make her squirm and that you rarely have a chance to take your time because of kids, I have the same issues with time, my wife when we first got married was also extremely vanilla...

    What I would do is first get babysitting for the night, no time = no chance...second I agree with the sug to have a nice night, dinnner, movie, etc...

    Start slow -- get her into bed and get into it with her, use all those spots you can, use them extensivly and make her squirm and get into it, then have a blindfold(spend the money and get a real sex store style one, don't use a sock or necktie or anything like that) ready, and when she looks like she will go with anything at this point, pull it out and put it on her, when/if she asks what your doing say something a little cheesy, like, "trust me your going to love this," and use those squirm spots a lot more, be gentle be nice, the point here is to make her go, "oh my God this is incredible." After a while(I mean an hour or so) bring in a set of fuzzy handcuffs(women love them) and cuff her to the bed...I know it sounds like a bad romance novel, but trust me a vanilla woman will be thrilled over it in the process...keep her into it...then use your own knowledge here, you know your gf, at least you should lol you've been with her for nine years...when you get to the intercourse part, that is when you should decide to uncuff her or not...based on what she would like...

    Yes your turning her on beyond belief and making her into jelly...
    BUT REMEMBER the point the first couple of times is not your enjoyment(though you probably will) but hers, you MUST make this memorable you must make this amazing.

    Why go through all of this? Simple...if your successful and there is a kinky side, this will erode a barrier she has by making her want to explore more, to see how it can become better and better and what else can be happen, what else can be done...hence you will make her want to explore...

    I did this with my vanilla wife 5 years ago, and now we are in 3somes shes discovered shes bi, we do other kinks, etc...all by her ideas and suggestions not mine!

    Also as you explore, do not push her, go at her pace and take the time she needs, be supportive and respectful, its alot like helping a post pubesent teen discover their sexuality as a parent, and having to teach them that wet dreams are normal and feeling attracted to others is natural and nothing to be ashamed of, but it has to be done gently and carefully without scarring them...it is the exact same way with a spouse with small differences, she is an adult and you are sexually involved.

    Good luck bro, I hope it works for you.
     
    #15 coramfuncpl00, Feb 14, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2012