need some advice

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Random person, Jul 20, 2006.

  1. Random person

    Random person New Member

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    hey there

    before i say anything, id like to point out that i dont usually sign up to random forums and post sob stories but i really need someones advice, and i dont see myself telling anyone in person about this.


    i am on a wheelchair, ive been physically disabled since birth. up until a few years ago, i found it relateively easy to live as someone with a disability, made my own friends, attended school like every other normal kid. as the years progressed however, it got harder, reaching my teen years, like every teenager, the thoughts of relationships and sex crossed through my mind, but unlike every teenager, i began to realise that these things would be much harder for me to get. i am now 22, and i seem to think about it every day. this resulted in me to start watching porn, ive even started considering prostitution, but should i really go that far for sex? its only going to get harder for me as the years progress, and masturbating only takes you so far before it doesnt do anything...

    so yeah, i would really like some advice on what i should do. and if you feel the need to insult me or something i hope you can find it in yourself not to post it......
     
  2. pirouette

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    Random person......
    I have to sigh in dissappointment at the human race sometimes. I really hope people on this planet mature and behave themselves someday....Enough complaining about others insensitivity!
    I cannot sympathize or even pretend to understand your particular situation (being in a wheelchair, though I, myself, had one for 3 years.) I'm not certain if you have any difficulty going out and socializing, but that's what I'd suggest. There are a variety of resources available to find women who at least share some of your interests. And the personal section of your local paper might bring someone interesting and mature to spend some quality time with. I'm sure you may have already considered these possiblities. If so, I apologise. Bottom line ......if you feel you need to see a prostitute....well, I don't have any advice there. And if it's a boost to your confidence, I'll let you in on one of my wet dreams. Stephen Hawking. And even with his Als, he's managed to get married and have 3 kids. So don't give up.
     
  3. Joe

    Joe
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    From Pirouette's avitar I see she has a daggar stuck in her head, and yet she has an active sex life, so it's possible for anyone. ;)

    Okay, seriously, prostitutes will always be available to your or anyone else, but they're only a little better than masturbation. I'd urge you to seek a true partner who will love you for who you are. Keep yourself attractive, keep your confidence, and keep yourself out there meeting people. You'll find the right woman somewhere down the road, just like all of us do. Being confined to a wheelchair does not make you unattractive, but I'm sure it makes finding a mate more difficult.

    There are a few chat sites on the internet devoted to people with disabilities that you might find helpful. Use Google to find some. You'll hear how others in wheelchairs are doing. (wheelchairjunkie.com is one.)

    Good luck.
     
  4. Random person

    Random person New Member

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    i do go out to night clubs with friends some times but its always the same story unfortunately, noone bothers to even look at you if theres the slightest chance you might not be able to fully put out physically. as for finding someone whos like me... well... i really never liked the fact that i had to be put in a seperate group from 'normal' people if you know what i mean... and this prostitute idea, i would only do it as a last resort...
     
  5. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Who's putting you in a different category? Love isn't about the mode of transportation, baby. Anyone who treats you like it is, well you're weeding out the assholes more quickly this way.

    My two cents: not a fan of the prostitution idea. Sure, they need love too, and it's a living...... I don't think it's the answer for you. Just my opinion.
     
  6. lainiwakuraa

    lainiwakuraa New Member

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    lains advice\

    just accept yourself as being the same as everybody else, & so will everybody else\lots of girls like a guy in a wheelchair, its romantic somehow, i dont know why, love never makes any sense\i would pick up a girl in a wheelchair (i am gay), if i thought she was cute\deep down, people are not really looking for lots of muscles, strength, health, or anything like that bullshit thats all over the media, about what everybodys supposed to like\people want someone who will be nice to them, & also someone who will appreciate them, & not take them for granted\go into a bar, have a beer, & flirt - you wont get shot down any more often than any other guy\
     
  7. Random person

    Random person New Member

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    thanks for all your contributions and suggestions about this. i never thought the prostitute idea was 'good'.... and having sex would only fill half the problem. i have tried heaps of times but i always get nothing back. maybe im just looking in the wrong place :ugh
     
  8. pirouette

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    looking in the wrong place?

    It's possible you aren't meeting the right people because you aren't going the right places. Maybe the bar scene isn't providing a broad selection of like minded women (as a matter of fact, I can't name a single friend I've met at a bar or club). It also sounds like (forgive me if I'm wrong) you're looking for more than a one night stand with the average Saturday night hun. Instead of the bar scene, try a more cultured avenue (like joining a book club at your local StarBuck's, or go to an opening at a local gallery). I'm sure others have more ideas but I thought I'd toss out a few. Good luck. :)
     
  9. Lusty Dreams

    Lusty Dreams New Member

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    I agree w/ this 100%!!

    You sound like a really great guy! And there are so many women out there who are looking for your type of personality. And who want to be loved "just the way they are" as well.
     
  10. Clark

    Clark Member

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    My advice for you is the same as everyone else who is interested in meeting someone.

    Go out there and do things that you like to do. Experiment with things you might be interested in. Do a marathon.... play basketball.... reading... writing.... photography.... astronomy.... remote control airplanes... weightlifting....cooking.... whatever....

    Get out of the house and do those things. Try new things. Find things that you like. Be active in those activities.

    Pretty soon, you'll find other people who share your interests. And those people are gonna go to a restaurant afterward and have some drinks - and they'll want you to come along. Join groups and communities. Get out of the house and live life.

    You'll get two things out of this:

    1) You'll have fantastic chances of actually meeting chicks who have similar interests as you.

    2) If you don't meet any chicks, you'll at least have had a lot of fun.

    Stop looking for pussy. That's when you'll find it.
     
  11. Random person

    Random person New Member

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    ok firstly..... "do a marathon, play basketball"........ is that a joke?

    my problem isnt "looking for pussy" im pretty sure i cleared that earlier, i've never had a girlfriend simply for the fact that no one is interested i try my best to get attention from girls but they never look back, sometimes completely ignore me. why? because i might not be able to please them physically. im not retarded, im currently doing an IT degree at university. women might say theyre into personality....i still havent met one of them
     
  12. pirouette

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    You have now!

    I am one of those women, Randon Person. Trust me, we're out there. Just not a lot of us, apparently.
    Is Clark joking about basketball and marathons? No. And I agree with him. I don't think he's referring to joining the NBA or anything, just suggesting you get in a friendly game of some sort. You don't have to be good at it. Don't assume that just because you have a disability peolple won't want to play. In my years of teaching I had 2 girls (each missing a major extremity) in my ballet class. Didn't stop them from enjoying themselves. And it played a crucial role in their socialization. I have had students of all abilities.....doesn't mean their dancing in New York City Ballet, but does that really matter?
    Here, we have a few good marathons every summer. And every summer, there is a group of people who compete in their wheel chairs. It is the usually for a good cause or a walkathon. But nonetheless, they participate. And socialize, and meet women and other nice people. And are generally, a lot of fun!
    Bottom line.....get out there and meet someone. Get involved. I'm not certain how your confidence level is going. That does seem to make a difference to a lot of women. See the articles section of the forum and read up on the male issues. I hate to admit it, but the suggestions for meeting women would probably work on me! Writer knows what he/she is talking about. And has more than a few good suggestions for meeting nice women.
    Don't give up, Random Person. You deserve happiness too! :)
     
  13. Clark

    Clark Member

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    No. It's not a joke. There are people in wheelchairs who participate in marathons, play basketball, and participate in many other sports. I'm surprised you don't know that.

    pirouette's post is spot-on.

    Through social interaction, you'll nurture your own life, you'll make friends, and you dramatically increase your chances of hooking up with a girl.
     
  14. naughtywife

    naughtywife New Member

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    I have to agree with these other posters. I think you're looking in the wrong places, hun. I also agree with getting involved in sporting events geared toward those in wheelchairs - you never know.. :) Besides, there are always a ton of folks at these events, and you're more likely to find someone there who will be more willing to look at the man inside the chair, and NOT the chair. I, too, am a woman who goes by personality. Every person in this world has some form of disability, yours is just on the outside. Personally, I think you'll find someone special once you start looking in places where you won't feel so 'singled out' because of the disability. It seems to me that your self esteem has taken a hit (and, I'm sure mine would too) because of the wheelchair. However, you may not be exuding the confidence that would attract the type of woman you are seeking -- does that make any sense? I sincerely hope I've not offended you.. I honestly didn't mean to!
     
  15. Logger

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    Dating Service for people with disabilities

    http://www.soulfulencounters.com/index.aspx

    Search Handicapped Dating, Singles

    Some women may be aware that their ideal man would be able to do the bill paying and taxes for them. Find a woman who thinks you are a Hero.

    Is your disability genetic, or would your children likely be free of your disability?

    Work as a bookeeper or tax preparer. Form a relationship with a woman that needs a bookeeper.

    Assess your stengths and weaknesses. Have you taken any listening or converstion courses? I have taken course in communication and found my life improved.

    Try a phone dating service. After you form a friendship talking on the phone, you can let her know you are in a wheel chair, and ask her out.

    Nurses, or nursing aids may be more oriented to helping people. How much help do you need?

    An Astrology dating service might be helpful. You want someone you can get along with.
     
    #15 Logger, Jul 23, 2006
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2006
  16. Logger

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    Post back how you are doing. More ideas might flow. Encouragement also.
     
  17. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I'm am playing the devil's advocate here, but if you really want to experience sex, just for the sexual experience other than masturbation, then I vote for a good prostitute. (don't kill me, gang:nerv ). If you can do a bit of local research and find a somewhat classy one (and can afford her), all the better, as you will enjoy it more, I am sure.

    This is separate from your desire for a relationship. And i agree with the others about your choices of where you go to find someone who is capable of getting past 'visuals', to get to know the real person inside. Bars tend to be full of people who are self-indulging. There have been some very good suggestions. Hopefully you can find some of these in your area.

    I'm not sure how long you lurked here, before sharing with us, but I can assure you that most every active member on :sf leans to the FAR side of insulting people who post problems. And we tend to look at posters as real people, with real feelings - not just some mysterious, lifeless keyboard somewhere out there. ;)
     
  18. Random person

    Random person New Member

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    heh, sorry if i havent posted much, been a little busy.

    thanks for all your replies and thoughts. after reading all your suggestions, it made me think alot about myself. i have been blaming myself for not being able to find a partner and i realise now that i shouldnt. i will be trying out one of those speed dating events, where they line up x people to meet over 10 minutes at a time. do u think that would be a good idea? im guessing if anything it should boost my confidence level a bit :ugh
     
  19. Logger

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    List out your good qualities. Then condens your good points int a few words.

    Somehting like,

    "I have a bright futre in IT, what are your interests?"

    Have a number of questions, so you can get a lady talking.

    What would you like to do, become, have, enjoy, avoid, change, appreciate more, etc.

    Have you checked eBay for dating, seducing and communication DVD's or CD's? Some go cheap. What are yo doing to improve your listening skills?

    Ever hear fo active listening? Drive Through Listening? Repeat back the ideas you heard, and acknowledge that the ideas are good, from at least one perspective.

    Take a course where you break into pairs, so you can get to know some young ladies more personally.