Need some advice

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by LordLOC, Sep 27, 2003.

  1. LordLOC

    LordLOC New Member

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    Well where to begin.

    As some of you may know I had Gastric Bypass surgery about 2 years ago. I've lost alot of weight (about 185 in total, have gained some back now heh) During the few months before and now the nearly 2 years after, I've been very good friends with an older woman who also had the surgery. She's 47 and I'm 27, she's also married.

    We've been very close friends now for about a year or so, and we've always joked around and teased each other. But recently the teasing has gotten a bit more, sexual in nature. Normally when we talk or go out to the mall to hang out. Especially on the phone since I'm not a wuss on the phone (as some of you may know also) and lately these discussions on the phone include alot of sexual innuendo, nothing explicit but alot of "we should do it" "I think your hot I don't care what anyone else says to you!" that sort of thing, nothing like "suck my cock!" or shit like that of course.

    Now let's get one thing out of the way. I don't want to deal with a married woman. But she's in a horrible situation with her Husband who treats her like complete crap. He's so bad to her she's tried to overdose a couple of times because she can't get rid of him without losing her house. And she's told me several times, if she was "a little younger or I was a little older" and she "wasn't married of course" things might be different between us.

    So here I am. I don't know what to do at this point. Her own therapist even told her to just "do" me and forget she's married. Her friends all said we should get together. So the question is, should I persue it further, being she is married, regardless of it being a bad one or not. Plus she's 20 years older than me (which I don't have a problem with at all).

    I don't know how I feel about her anymore, is it love, is it lust...or is it the fact that I'm desperate for any kind of relationship I'd take a chance on this kind of thing. I just don't know anymore.
     
  2. sweeetest

    sweeetest New Member

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    dont do it the husband will find out and she will be forced to choose and sorry but i bet she doesnt choose you and you will loose a good friend
     
  3. LordLOC

    LordLOC New Member

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    Actually her husband already told her if she found someone to date or what have you she could. Another reason why I'm all messed up about it.
     
  4. Tson56

    Tson56 New Member

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    I think I'd go for it,knowing that the husband is OK with it. Just be carefull about your relationship with the women; meaning,make your feelings known to her. Weather you want to be just good friends/benifits. Don't assume its love....as you said it might be just lust. For you both. Thats OK,maybe thats what you both need.
     
  5. Twister

    Twister New Member

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    I wouldn't pursue it unless you're ready to commit to something afterwards. Also remember that once you get involved, the chemistry you two have now might go away. It's a giant step, just make sure you're ready to dive in.
     
  6. acidrain47

    acidrain47 New Member

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    IMO what the husband is telling this lady is coming from her mouth? Granted you may be friends and if she wants you, could she perhaps be lying....but assuming she is honest about it, the only reason he's probably giving her permission is because he wants someone on the side as well. I have read lots of your posts....and I know as of lately you haven't had sex with anyone...and honestly if you've waited this long wouldn't you want it to be special...or at least with someone you have feelings for that isn't mixed up in this sort of situation....IMO if she really wants to be with you and her husband is so horrible...she should have already got out of the situation...maybe you could be a friend to help her do this...or a listening ear...but if it's been going on for a long time...there's no reason you should expect her current situation to change. In all honesty, flirtation is fine, but when sex is involved, most of the time one person does develop feelings, and even if her relationship is on the rocks, if you feel in love with this woman, do you honestly think she'd leave her husband....9 times out of 10 married people promise this and never follow through...abusive relationship or not, they're just too comfortable and/or just do not wish to leave...
     
  7. LordLOC

    LordLOC New Member

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    Do I think she'd leave her husband, not just for me but in general? Yes.

    Do I think she'd have her husband killed? Yes :lol

    She can't just get rid of her husband, at least not from her perspective, to me and everyone else it's just a matter of dumping his ass out on the street and that's it. To her it's losing a house that's been in her familyfor 40 years. But her mental health is affected, and to me that's more important than anything.

    And if anything did happen with her it would be special, I mean when I get off the phone with her, I'm smiling and waiting for her to call again.

    Whos knows anymore though.
     
  8. acidrain47

    acidrain47 New Member

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    I guess I don't get how the house could be in her family and she'd lose it. She should make him move out, IMO, if it's her house. Of course i guess there could be financial issues, blahblahblah. But if it's affecting her mental health she should definetely get out of that situation. Maybe she should have some sort of intervention where all her friends, etc. who feel this way, should sit her down and talk to her, explain how it's affecting her, and come up with a workable solution, of course not killing him =)....i dunno...tough situation, but i'd definetely say for your peace of mind, to steer clear of physical interaction until she's completely out of the relationship with him, it might just be the kick in the proverbial ass that she needs, to finally leave. Just my two cents...
     
  9. LordLOC

    LordLOC New Member

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    The house has been in her family a long time, but she put his name on the mortgage or whatever the hell it is for some odd reason which she still doesn't know. And there's no financial issues because he doesn't help her out with anything but the Cable TV bill.

    As for the intervention, I don't think that'd be viable as besides me, she has about 2 friends, and both are in NY and that wouldn't be easy to do on the phone heh.

    I'm not sure what to do yet, it's all very confusing right now.
     
  10. acidrain47

    acidrain47 New Member

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    hmmm...i work in real estate...so i'm pretty familiar with all the home financings, blahblahblah stuff. Anyway, so she refinanced the house and put the mortgage in both their names....hmmm....the only problem that could arise from that, is if she filed for divorce he could ask for his share, *his name being on the title, etc* and she would be required to pay him this * IMO a small price to pay if he's causing her that much trouble* or he possibly could force her to sell the house if she could not pay him the money...IMO her best bet would be to get his name off the mortgage/deed....but that'd require him to comply....always a sticky situation..blah....i feel your pain....but it seems to me that you're getting way over your head....do you love this woman that much?
     
  11. LordLOC

    LordLOC New Member

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    I believe I do yes.
     
  12. LordLOC

    LordLOC New Member

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    Well things have certainly changed a little. I don't know how it happened, but we were talking on the phone yesterday afternoon, and we both got really horny and started telling each other what we would do to each other etc. Needless to say it was terrific heh. Then she told me apparently, one day last week I got her really horny and got off on the phone, but she's really *quiet* unless someone is really there with her. But last night and today we were playing on the phone and she was making some noise. So cute.

    So today I got to work and had to go home, didn't feel good. So I called her to tell her I went home etc, then she asked if I wanted to go to WalMart with her so I said sure. So we went, and nothing happened, when she dropped me off at home, she asked if I wanted to you know, kiss or something. And I pussied out.

    WTF is wrong with me?! :bang
     
  13. Logger

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    My experience is that many married individuals have complaints about their spouse, and reasons why they have to stay together, even though there are a number of reasons that they would like to leave.

    It has been several months now, so things may be different. But my experience is that many married indiviudals will allow themselves to get into the situation where they have been complaining to another person of the oposite sex, and finding good support. The question is, what does she want to do, and what role are you to play in that?

    If she wanted to leave her husband, it seems to me that she would do it. Her reasons for not leaving sound lame, to me. If she wants to use you to get comfort, that may be fine in the short run. In the not too much longer run, you are going to be in the middle of a mess of emotions, if you give in. She may be using you to get back at her husband. Not wishing to be used as a tool, is not chicken, it is smart.

    My feeling is that she is telling you the truth to an extent, but she is painting a picture that is different from reality. I see a path that leads to a quagmire.

    Blessings,

    Logger.
     
  14. jayenel

    jayenel New Member

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    if she left her husband at 47 and even got the house and u 2 hooked up.....she wud expect u to commit....if it is just lust....and its a fuck ur after then....i dunno....need to think about it hard and wot u really want and shit...
     
  15. Ladyinred

    Ladyinred New Member

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    Hi, I just read about your situation and was wondering what you decided to do. Did anything ever happen?
     
  16. LordLOC

    LordLOC New Member

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    Yes, we've been "dating" since about the time I posted this originally. We normally play around a little, making out, things like that. She's given me fellatio and I've returned it. It's been great so far actually, other than hiding it from everyone. :brow
     
  17. Ladyinred

    Ladyinred New Member

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    I am glad to hear that things are going good. I hope it works out for you. Would you say that the Gastric Bypass surgery was worth it?
     
  18. bigsquirt

    bigsquirt New Member

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    get some confidence in yourself and listen to your heart. if u love this woman. don't let her slip away. if u chicken out. u will regret missing the opportunity. also. don't play with fire. or u will get burned one day.
     
  19. LordLOC

    LordLOC New Member

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    Oh yeah the surgery is worth it for sure. You just have to go into it knowing it's not a fix all and that you have to keep up with things after you lose all the weight. I've already gained some weight back, but I don't plan on gaining anymore back and I'm going back on the "diet" as it were to lose it again.
     
  20. Da_Vamp

    Da_Vamp New Member

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    Okay..I have to post about what I think...
    I don't think you should go all the way with this, because IF anyone DOES in fact find out, it could cause her alot of problems.
    First of all, If her hubby files for divorce he could divorce her on the grounds of adultry and could possibly take the house and almost everything else from her.
    It's just something I thought you should think about!

    Vampie