need some advice

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by wickedicey1000, Jul 16, 2007.

  1. wickedicey1000

    wickedicey1000 New Member

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    okay this is my first posting on here and i have been reading all the post and couldn't find anything so i figured i would post it.

    Okay first of all I'm 24 year old male, single, work full time and go to school full time. i have had 2 girlfriends my whole life and haven't had any luck since this was years ago. never had a girlfriend in high school nor even had a date for the prom just went by myself. i really don't have social life i go out once and a while to the bar and have a couple of drink and play trivia on the TV screen. I have been told that I'm a handsome man, but ,my problem is that I'm absolutely afraid of approaching women and talking with them. Plus i would rather stay at home and watch TV then go out. My friends said that they would help me but never did so i basically gave up on picking up girls. but I'm afraid that I'm going to end up alone and having no friends. so here's my questions??

    1 how do i go out and approach women and get to know them?
    2 I also have a problem with looking at women i just look down at the floor or look away when a beautiful women walks past me?
    3 How can i improve my chances of at least meeting new people instead of sitting around the house?
    4 i have never asked a girl out on a date i have only been on one 1 date my whole life. The girlfriends that i have had i only dated a week or so i was in the 6 grade so it was kinda childish.

    so any input would be appreciated?
     
  2. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    First of all I am an old man. I have been married twice and lived with four other women. I've had sex with well over a hundred. You can't make out setting at home doing nothing. Go shopping, to church, Disneyland, a park, a bar or a concert. Add what ever you want to the list. When you see a girl you like ASK. Not "Duhh, do you wanna screw?" but out for coffee or a coke. If the answer is no you have lost nothing. Understand "No" has nothing to do with you. It has only to do with her and her life. Ask, ask ask. It will work out. I'm old, bald and carrying an extra 25lb but asking still works.
     
  3. Brad

    Brad New Member

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    Firstly Wickedicey1000

    10 out of 10 for you genuine posting. It takes some balls to make a post like yours especially for a first post. Few men in this Macho world will reveal their insecurities like you did even if they have them. That shows a hidden strength of yours.

    Buffalo gave some good advice, and he’s a man with experience, he’s seen it and done it well !

    Here is my input/advice is as a 42 year old man:

    The absolute key thing that comes across from your posting is the confidence thing. That is KEY to success.

    Currently you are lacking that big time.

    When I was your age, I well on the road to going bald. I was in your emotional shoes during my late teens and I know how that feels.

    Things changed for me when I left home (and being an identical twin separated from my brother). That’s when I learnt that I had a lot to offer in terms of discovering my own identity (hard for identical twins).

    Considering your questions:

    When an attractive woman walks past you, try doing what I always do. Smile genuinely and gain eye contact. Practice it. Do it. Enjoy it. I can guarantee you that once you get a reciprocal response, you will find yourself saying hello.

    And consider the most gorgeous women around…..they perhaps as much as others like the confirming compliment of a nice admiring smile and a hello. They are only human after all.

    Never forget that the majority of people have concerns and insecurities about the prospect of striking up friendship + a potential relationship with a new person. Even the most outwardly confident of people.

    Remember that and you will feel a lot more equal and a lot more confident.

    Sitting around the house is a sure fire way of not meeting anyone.

    You need to get yourself out a bit. Find a hobby that has plenty of female participants and relax and interact.

    On the subject of asking a girl out for a date: once you find yourself with plenty of female friends the asking out thing will be a natural development and less of a big thing.

    If you get a few declines, don’t take it personally as said previously.

    To illustrate that point, the most prolific man I know on the scoring with girls front, tells me openly that he has had as many rejections as the accepts. It doesn’t bother him a jot as he simply focuses on the scores he has made. Totally positive.
     
  4. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    Thank you for your post! I have to agree with the other post, it sounds like you really need to work on your confidence level. Start small: I look straight into the eyes of women when passing and ya know what? 9 out of 10 times they smile and I smile back, we just made contact my friend. Pick your head up from the floor and start making that eye contact and smile. It just may surprise you when the girl approaches you. Good luck
     
  5. saml

    saml New Member

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    I was gonna say something but these gentlemen have covered it all. Only thing I can add is to find something that you genuinely enjoy and go out and do it. You will not find any ladies at the club that are interested in you if you in no way are a "clubbing" person.
     
  6. Brad

    Brad New Member

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    Thanks saml for your contribution.

    I hope we will see some more females give similar positive comments for this chap.

    Comments from us blokes might help, but I think hearing some positive good advice from women will be even more helpful to him.
     
  7. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Wicked, You Said
    I think Buffalo covered it fine but I will say it again
    That is exactly what you don't want to do.
    Just a clue
    Take up biking or jogging, I do the biking thing and find that the Women outnumber
    the men 3 to one.
    Go to the Gym (mixed), I do that too.
    Don't go to bars.
    Just get out of the house and enjoy life and I'm sure you will meet
    someone to enjoy life with.

    And don't get me wrong I don't do it to meet Women but
    have a lot of opportunities to do so.

    Hiker
     
  8. hotstuff6900

    hotstuff6900 New Member

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    Go out sometime with a couple of friends. Groups meet more people. Don't be afraid us girls don't bit. Don't ever look down when a pretty girl walks by. If a girl looks at you look back and SMILE. Not too big, just a little "Hello" smile. Girls think friendly when you give a smile. Ask a girl a question or make a comment to her if you are in a group conversation or if one is talking close at the bar. Don't just talk to pretty women. Talk to all women. If you talk to any woman and they like you as a friend you will meet pretty ones too.
     
  9. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Groups make it more relaxed, as the burden of conversation isn't just on the two of you.

    Have you considered taking some sort of "Social Self Confidence" class? I'm sure they have many, and as long as you do some research in advance, whatever you learn from it can be used in many areas of life.
     
  10. Joe

    Joe
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    If you have any guy-friends who have girlfriends, ask if they can set you up with a double-date. Consider it experience. It gets easier as you go, and you'll gain some confidence.

    I was like you as an early teen. I was deathly afraid of rejection and didn't really date until some gal came up behind me in a high school hallway, tapped me on the shoulder, and asked me for a date. From then on it was easy.
     
  11. saml

    saml New Member

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    <--- I'm male not female :lol
     
  12. NaughtyKnickers

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    I would concur with much of the good advice here, get out and enjoy life; people who are out enjoying life and engaging in something they like to do are appealing! :) Also, being involved in something, no matter how simple, gives you something to talk about if you should enter into a conversation.

    There is also great advice here about simply smiling at a woman. A friendly or appreciative smile can be the best ice breaker(!)
    I can't help but smile back at a man who smiles at me, however brief or lingering his smile may be, however handsome or homely he is. A genuine smile is just wickedly contagious. :eek:
     
  13. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    I shared my story on here a little while back when someone else had a similar post as yours, I will try to find the thread if I get a little more time.

    Basically, when I was younger I was afraid of women. I gained alot of weight at the wrong time in my life (early teens).

    It is hard enough to deal with the opposite sex when you are approaching puberty and not overweight.

    So I never dated in high school. I started to lift weights in high school and assumed that once I had a 6 pack and big arms, my girl problems would go away. Well it didn't happen that way. Once I had my dream body by 18, I was still afraid of women.

    My life changed when my buddy gave me some great advice. He said to talk to women like they are guys. Then just keep asking them questions, and they will carry most of the conversation, because most women love to talk.

    Long story short, I applied this advice when talking to a girl I met at a party. She ended up being a part time model, we dated, she moved away to NY to model. My next g/f I met I used the same advice, and she was also a part time model. We dated, she to moved away.

    So I went from not dating to seeing two models back to back, on pure coincidence. I didn't think about it much until my friends started making jokes that I only date models, and my parents and brother also would crack similar jokes. All of this just boosted my confidence, and without it, I would of never met my fiancé.

    I would of never taken the chance to meet my fiancé' if I didn't have the confidence in myself that I could be someone she wanted to be with.

    Everything changed in my life because I took risks and put myself out there to be rejected.

    I learned that changing my body alone didn't get me dates. I still had to let my personality come through in order to be with women.

    This is something you have to discover on your own... to find your own groove with women.

    I wouldn't hit bars to meet women. The best way to meet new people with similar interests is to volunteer for a worthy cause.

    You will find caring people to socialize with, and help others at the same time.

    You have to take the first step though and visit this site:

    http://www.volunteermatch.org/

    They can match you with a volunteer opportunity in your area.

    Good luck