Need some advice...please

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Darkesheart, May 19, 2007.

  1. Darkesheart

    Darkesheart New Member

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    I haven't been around a whole lot this past week because of some things that I found out, and have been trying to deal with, but am at my wits end about, and just have no clue what to do, or if I can actually do anything. If anyone has any advice I would be greatly appreciative for what you can give me. And if anyone knows if I can actually do anything about it I would be very appreciative in knowing.

    This past January I went through an extremely nasty break up with my ex. And I thought that I had gotten over it all and was actually beginning to smile again for just me, and not just for my daughter. But what I found out this past week has changed that once again. I found out this last Tuesday that my ex has been grilling my neighbors about who I am living with, if I am living with someone. He has been asking htem if I am seeing anyone, where I am working, what I do, who I talk with, who watches my child (and no, my little girl is not his) and basically about any and every aspect of my life.

    Now, I do not know most of my neighbors extremely well, but I do know some of them, as did he. He also knew other neighbors of mine that I did not know, nor would I have spoken to them to get to know them. But it is the ones that I do know that have told me about him grilling them to try and find out this stuff about me. I have also found out from people that are close friends that he has been trying to get this information from them as well. It makes me feel like I can't have a life anymore. It is also making me feel unsafe in my own home.

    Now this is the tricky part, and the part where I am unsure of what I can do. Since our break up he has moved back to Australia because his mother got sick. His mother and father and I have always been good friends. And since our breakup I have stopped contacting them because I didn't want a problem like this to arise and him say that I am stalking him, or anything like that. But the reason that I know he is back in Australia is because his father sent me an email about a month ago telling me that my ex was moving back there because his mother was sick and had been admitted to the hospital. I replied to the my ex's father and sent his wife my best wishes and told him to give her a huge hug and kiss for me and to let him know that she was in my prayers. I even asked him to please not email me again because I did not want to cause problems in their family seeing as their son and I were split up now. Anyway, I got an email from my ex's mother Monday letting me know that she was out of the hospital and in it she mentioned that her son is going to stay in Australia now, and that he is once again working for the company that he used to work for. She also said something else that didn't make sense at the time, but now does. She said that people around me weren't as trustworthy as I thought and that I may want to take action, and that whatever I did both she and her husband supports it 100%. Then on Tuesday I find out that he is keeping tabs on me, or at least trying.

    I don't know what to do. I don't know if there is a way to press charges against him for stalking. And if there is, would it just be my word against his without hard proof? Can it even be done with him now in Australia nad me here in the US? Hell, I don't even know what laws there are in Australia about this kind of thing. All I know is that I don't even feel comfortable in my own home after finding this stuff out. Any advice?
     
  2. LaVitaDolce

    LaVitaDolce New Member

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    I would get a restraining order and if he crosses that he will be taken to jail. That's no joke! You need to do it before he ends up at your front door.
     
  3. Adramalech

    Adramalech New Member

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    Let the local authorities know what's going on. It's a little tricky since he's in Australia and you're in Arkansas, but if you let them know that you are genuinely worried and see what they can do for you.
     
  4. Martin_Baker

    Martin_Baker New Member

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    That does sound freaky, but it sounds like him moving here to Australia is the best thing for you. No idea about legal process but the restraining order sounds like a good start.

    A good friend of mine just found out the hard way that a restraining order is incredibly easy to take out on absoultely anybody for almost no reason at all.

    I imagine it would be hard to stalk someone from another continent so you might be lucky and he'll just end up dropping it.
     
  5. jemimer

    jemimer New Member

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    First thing I would suggest, - Get a camera fitted to the front and rear of your house, I dont know what the laws are there but here, its fine as long as it is not pointed at another houses door or window, and has 90% viewing of your property. But there should be software to link it to your pc or TV for when you are in, and linked to video when you are out. try and get something that displays time and dated recording too.

    Not only will it help you feel more secure in your own house, but you can put a clear sign up stating the premises are under surveilance, which acts as outward visual warning. Also find out if theres a local "panic button" system (either police linked, private security firm or even a close freind/relative )

    I cant help too much becuase I only know how we deal with it in UK, but anything that makes you feel unsafe in your own home has to be dealt with swiftly and legally, best way. its your home, and people shouldnt get away with it,

    But big hugs for ya, - how ever I can help...let me know.
     
  6. minxy3

    minxy3 Banned

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    just go to the police or whoever it is and say that your scared for your daughters safty and your own and explain the whole ex thing and what he has been doing, if it get any more seriouse then im sure the police could question him and take son details to support you from your neighbours, i really hope you can do somthing coz moving is one hell of athing to do, *hugs* good luck
     
  7. Hot Wheels

    Gold Member

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    This isn't the same guy you were worried about in Perth some time ago is it?
     
  8. Adramalech

    Adramalech New Member

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    I have three on me! :w00t:

    But it's very easy to just ignore them at the same time.
     
  9. Barbwire

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    I would speak to the authorities ASAP and make sure it is documented. If he should become a problem, it is best to have as much evidence against him as possible.

    Good luck!
     
  10. Darkesheart

    Darkesheart New Member

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    Thank you all for your advice, and I am looking into what can be done about him. I am sorry about not having been back since I posted this. But well... its really complicated.

    Jem, as much as I would love to install surveillence cameras up. I can't, as I live in an apartment complex. And while it would be nice if it was a gated community, its not. :( And they don't have security guards here either. :(

    Heely, no, this isn't the same person that I was concerned about in Perth. I also have not heard from him. But I have heard from his sister who I am also friends with. She told me that he did in fact try to take his own life, and his parents have him seeing someone. And he is staying with his parents now until they are satisfied that he is of no danger to himself anymore.
     
  11. Hot Wheels

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    [
    Heely, no, this isn't the same person that I was concerned about in Perth. I also have not heard from him. But I have heard from his sister who I am also friends with. She told me that he did in fact try to take his own life, and his parents have him seeing someone. And he is staying with his parents now until they are satisfied that he is of no danger to himself anymore.[/QUOTE]

    First off....it's Hotty not Heely ok....:cool
    I'm so glad that your friend is OK,has the support of his parents and is getting some help for his problems. I wish him well.:)

    Concerning the latest one, I cant believe hes giving you so much grief from the other side of the world... is he likely to return to the US? If so,and he starts to become a real pain in the ass, Id consider moving just to get rid of him..
    If hes not, but still continues to bother you,then perhaps a PM to HW with his personal details so that we may pay him a visit and "explain":brow to him that our friend Anna, does not need this sort of stress right now??
    Put simply,if he can give you trouble from down here, then maybe he needs to know that the long arm of Darkesheart can also reach to Australia as well;)
    I'm ashamed that one of my so-called countrymen has caused you so much grief given the problems you've had recently with your health.:eek:
    Dont let the turkey get you down Darkesheart....:D
     
    #11 Hot Wheels, May 23, 2007
    Last edited: May 23, 2007