Need some advice (making this work?)

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by FUNonthe1stdate, Sep 9, 2007.

  1. FUNonthe1stdate

    FUNonthe1stdate New Member

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    So, I have been in this relationship. Trouble is, I really love this person and she feels the same way about me.

    But, she has an issue which really isn't her fault at all. She jokingly described herself as "damaged goods" lol. Truth be known, she underwent some invasive surgery when she was younger. This surgery and alot of the procedures left her in a physical state which to this day prevents her from having a child.

    Not that she can't get pregnant, because she is capable of having and carrying a child but from what she's been told by doctors it would likely kill her and the fetus. So okay, we can't have children. That's not a point of contention between us.

    But alas, she is allergic to latex and therefor contraceptives are not an option. So we opt for the pull out method, but its hard work and honestly I don't know how effective or safe this is. I don't want to "pull out" for the rest of my life, mostly because I don't want to constantly risk getting her pregnant and have to put her in a position where she has no other choice than to get an abortion (which is expensive, and which could also kill her).

    She also can't take birth control pills. She actually can handle having someone with a condom in her but only for about 10 minutes, after which point it physcially hurts and burns her.

    So, what can we do here? Any birth control methods anyone knows about? How effective is this pull-out method?

    Like I said, this is somebody I really care about, otherwise I would just let this be reason to stop seeing this person. Its not even an issue NOW, but who knows all the little things that end up coming between couples as years pass....

    Err...Uh...help?
     
  2. Melissa29

    Melissa29 New Member

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    Woah... conception will potentially harm HER??? I've never heard of that before...

    Sounds really rough; the thing I always ALWAYS say regarding doctors; get another opinion... I cannot tell you how many totally different sides of a relatively simple story I have seen from different doctors, all very esteemed, educated, and professional... sometimes they just don't know:) But, in this case I agree its just not an option to risk at the moment...

    Hmm... this should go without saying but does she/you enjoy oral sex? I dont mean to ask you to substitute that, but its not like theres no sexual intimacy between you two... I assume that would be healthy for her?

    And why can't she take the pill???

    The only other thing that would come to my mind would be the sponge *which I don't personally trust that much, but then again have never used one* or vaginal dams... What about tying your tubes? I know thats a bit much, and would actually NOT recommend that for anyone lol... but you DID ask:)

    Otherwise, just cherish what you have... I know things seem rough now, but your whole post seemed very negative; There is actually such a thing as a wonderful relationship without penetrative sex... *ask a lesbian lol* If you love this woman, you will love her for who she is, not what you can do to her in bed... and I know you are trying to respect her "limits"... but really, take her for what she is and has.
     
  3. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    Hmm..what about an IUD? or a diagphram?(sp)
     
  4. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    Either one of you could get your tubes tied. If you are not sure she is "the one" I'd say her.
     
    #4 Buffalo204, Sep 9, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2007
  5. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    There are organic latex-free condoms made of sheepskin. They aren't much protection against STD/Is, but they are pretty effective against pregnancy.

    Honestly, if getting pregnant is so potentially dangerous for her then she should seriously consider getting a tubal ligation.
     
  6. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

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    I agree with everyone else tubal ligation or IUD. I have had the mirena IUD for a couple of years now and it's been effective in preventing pregnancy. I'm sure you two will be able to come up with a contraception method that is safe for her.
     
  7. FUNonthe1stdate

    FUNonthe1stdate New Member

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    ok....

    Yes. Very much so. It's fine, we do do that... But I want to stick it in, hell SHE wants it (vaginal intercourse) more than I do. I'm ok with it not going down as often, with us going down instead :cool

    Well, not to reveal my ignorance but from what I understand she can't do that because she's missing one already. Although... she can still get pregnant, I just realized this might not make sense? Or, does it?

    Actually, things aren't rough at all and I know I might have come off as a bit negative but that was not my intention. I was really just pondering the situation and the main thing I'm concerned with is her being harmed if she becomes pregnant, you know? And well, I'd never heard of it before either.

    Well, I'm not sure its that she actually *can't*. See, one of these procedures was chemo, which really did a number on her and has weakened her heart. And with all the side effects and complications that could potentially arise from the use of the "pill", it's just not something she wants to risk. And I accept/respect that. Not to mention she's been advised against it, by medical proffesionals. But you're right about the second opinion thing... its just not always so easy to just up and see a new doctor and another one, etc.

    Yea see, and that's the thing. I actually do. I do love her because of her flaws and not in spite of them in some cases, if that makes sense. I've already decided I'm going to be with this person for life, and I haven't even known her that long. This is not normally how I operate and I don't fall in "love". You gotta understand. She's just different, she gets me and all that good stuff. And I feel very, very strongly for her. Like "us" is all that matters and when we first met we'de talk for HOURS, even on the phone and I mean 12+ hours to be on the phone on some days is ridiculous. Because I don't do that with anyone else.

    Hell, I don't even believe in love. Off course I believe that it exists. I just don't think there's anything particularly special about it. Or that its inherently different or more wonderous from sex drive, joy, ecstacy, anger, sadness, or any other emotion or innate physical thing that drives us. In other words, its just another physical process within the body, albeit an addicting and thoroughly convinving one. And yet, I have fallen. Madly.

    But it's like Joe Rogan said "biological tricks". And I'm willing to fall for this "trick" for/with this person, and have placed myself in a vulnerable position at times because if I ever lost her it would destroy me.

    Yep. Tried them. They break. Easily.


    Hey, good thinking. I hadn't thought of that. What material are they made of exactly?

    And don't worry too much about it. We are looking for a birth control pill that she can safely take. It's not a big deal. Its just that we were discussing this last night and I decided that perhaps gaining an outside perspective could be useful. Or, just to see what other people say.

    Seriously, its not biggie. Thanks for all the advice and all the thought out responses. I know this will work (and it's not like its NOT WORKING now).
     
    #7 FUNonthe1stdate, Sep 9, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2007
  8. Joe

    Joe
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    Quote:
    There are organic latex-free condoms made of sheepskin.

    Yep. Tried them. They break. Easily.

    --------------

    Try a different brand. I've used hundreds of them and never had one break.