Need some advice (help please)

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by That1Dude, Feb 7, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. That1Dude

    That1Dude Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2011
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I'm a senior in highschool and I'm a virgin. I really want to lose that title by the end of the year. It's a pride thing. In a way its shallow but then again its not. I want to know what its like and it would be nice to be able to say I did.

    Here's the situation: I'm a mildly attractive person. I'm not physically fit but I'm not fat. A little extra weight. I haven't really had a girlfriend for a few years. There's this girl now though that I like. I don't necessarily think she likes me back like that but she likes me in general. I don't really want to have a relationship with her though and I doubt she wants one. We're seniors in the 3rd quarter of school and once its over we're off to colleges in different states. In her last relationship she didn't even kiss the guy she was going out with but that's a whole different story.

    This weekend she tried alcohol for the first time with friends that were girls. One of those friends went and told this one idiot about the experience and said that the girl I'm interested in got really horny and that if there was one guy there she would have lost her virginity.

    Again, I'm friends with this girl. I had her over with a few others for the superbowl and she talked about wanting to drink again because it was fun. The situation is that if I host a party and she gets drunk, I could potentially get with her finally.

    Here's my few questions:
    1. To begin, is it wrong of me to get with her when she's drunk like that? Would I be taking advantage of her? But then again, if she's not drunk I'll never get with her...
    2. I'm not the only one who wants to get with her. That other douchebag thinks that because he was told that she wants him now, which doesn't even make any sense. If she got drunk and had sex with any of the other guys that want her, I don't even know what I would do. Between the scumbag pothead that was told the story, some other guy that can't make up his mind between 4 friggin girls, and some other guy that seems to like every girl I like around the same exact time, I couldn't stand to see any of them get with her over me. What do I do so that it is me?
    3. The other girls in my class are really anal about sexual stuff. They would try to stop her from doing anything and would act like sex is horrible and degrading when if it was them they would be totally fine with it. Very hypocritical. What do I about them?

    and then if I get past all that it's a whole new challenge being that I've never had sex before

    So what do you guys think I should do? I'm really not sure on this one...

    EDIT: Before responding to this one, I've already come to the conclusion that this is obviously the wrong way to go. I guess I was looking to see if it was more acceptable because all the other douchebags are doing it, but its not. I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here now...
     
    #1 That1Dude, Feb 7, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2011
  2. nurseharley

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2010
    Messages:
    1,618
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    sweet home...
    ok........let's begin by saying you should never lose your virginity because of pride. that's pretty ridiculous and one day you might look back and think 'why the hell didn't i just wait and let it happen on its own'

    now, you should never, NEVER try to have sex with a girl while she is inebriated. you answered your own question by saying if she isnt drunk you'll never get with her which translates into "if she was sober, she wouldn't fuck me".

    why don't you just wait for a girl who actually wants to fuck you, willingly
     
  3. CruelTease

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2010
    Messages:
    448
    Likes Received:
    168
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    UK
  4. collette

    collette Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2011
    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Southern U.S.
    I am very glad you are asking for advice before doing something potentially hurtful and dangerous. I agree with the other ladies - this is not a good idea beginning with even your first sentence - I don't think losing your virginity should be a goal in itself - but that's just me.

    As for the other issue- there is no question but that is wrong and hopefully part of you knew that already.
     
  5. That1Dude

    That1Dude Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2011
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Well there's a lot of pressure by other guys which is where the pride thing comes in. I'm one of the few who hasn't lost it yet I guess. That's why I would like to lose it already. It's not an uncommon thing for the other guys to drunk fuck girls in my school. I agree with you though, I don't necessarily think its right but the thing is the other guys I mentioned would get her drunk to have sex with her in a heartbeat. I've already had this happen to me a few times in the past 2 years and I don't want to see any of them get with her by getting her drunk. I don't want them to get with her period. That's why I didn't immediately say no to the idea of having sex with her while drunk. And saying that she wouldn't have sex with me while sober was another way of me saying that I have a better chance with her while drunk.

    EDIT: I definitely wouldn't jump to date rape. Come on now. I didn't plan on forcing alcohol down her throat and dragging her to the bedroom. I didn't actually plan on trying to shift the situation my way at all. I should probably state that I meant I would let the night go however it went and if she wanted to, I wouldn't say no.
     
    #5 That1Dude, Feb 7, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2011
  6. Trond

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,665
    Likes Received:
    387
    Gender:
    Male
    What Somewhatlovely said makes perfect sense. You do not. What if your plan actually works? You get her drunk. You have sex with her. Neither of you wants a relationship, so she will most likely regret it the day after, or even feel that she's been taken advantage of. If this happens, then congratulations! you have just gone from being a virgin to being a douche-bag.

    I had my first sexual experience when I was several years older than you. It's really not the end of the world if you don't get any before the end of high school.
     
    #6 Trond, Feb 7, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2011
  7. nurseharley

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2010
    Messages:
    1,618
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    sweet home...
    the guys at your high school sound like douchebags, do you really want to join in their little douchebag crowd because you fucked some girl who probably won't talk to you ever again? super cool! anyone can do that.

    no one said you were going to force alcohol down her throat, but that doesn't mean it's CONSENSUAL because you didnt give her a drink. why on earth would you want to have sex with someone who most likely wont even remember it, didnt even WANT IT, or might even press charges the next day?

    don't be fooled by thinking a girl who is drunk who wants to have sex with you won't change her tune the next day.
     
  8. Stefanie

    Stefanie New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2011
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    VA
    1. Yes. No ifs, or buts. It's wrong. It's actually rape. If you take advantage of a woman (or man) who is not in a clear state of mind and would not have sex with you if they were not under the influence of a drug, that is rape. It's illegal, it's awful, and no woman deserves to be treated like a piece of trash for another person's five minutes of pleasure. If you had no interest sexually in a man, and then had 10 shots of vodka and woke up in that person's bed, you would feel violated because they preyed on your inalibility to say no.
    2. What makes you better than them? You said yourself these guys are all douches for their behavior towards her and other women. Take a good hard look at the situation before pointing fingers.
    3. The other girls sound like they have good heads on their shoulders and are responsible for their friends, as anyone would be. They obviously don't want her taken advantage of and see the risk she's putting herself in.

    I think you need to ask yourself what you're going to do next. Only you can decide from here. If you rape her - make no mistake, taking advantage of a drunk woman is not consensual sex by any stretch of the imagination - what exactly are you going to get from it? You'll have lost your virginity, sure, but what is virginity to you anyway? You'll lose it in a degrading, disrespectful way that you may end up going to jail for and irreparably damaging another person for. Even if you do manage it, you have no experience in bed and she'll probably tell everyone about that, giving them the nitty-gritty details. Is that stuff you want someone knowing? Is that stuff you want to be mocked for for the next few months/years?

    Better to wait to have consensual sex with a woman you have a relationship with, who will be more forgiving of mistakes and such, who you can keep practicing with until you get comfortable with yourself and with her and start having great sex.

    My words may seem harsh, but they're truthful and something you obviously need to hear. Everyone makes mistakes, and you have the opportunity here to avoid a big one.

    Excellent post right there, as is everyone else's.
     
  9. That1Dude

    That1Dude Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2011
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Well I never thought of it to that extent. I mean I highly doubt she would press charges the next day or anything like that but it is a douchebag move on my part, and I always knew that. I guess I was just interested to see if it was any more acceptable to try when all the other guys were doing it. It's obviously not. And ya, of course the guys at my highschool are douchebags. I hate them. But the nice guy routine isn't working out or hasn't gotten me anywhere. People keep telling me that once I get to college all the girls have had enough of the jerkoffs and want the nice guys now or to just wait and it will all work out, but that doesn't help. I actually do want to be in a relationship but its not an opportune time with highschool getting closer to ending.

    I'm just looking for a new plan of action. I don't want to seem pathetic or anything just want to see what its physically like I guess. Not even sex but a relationship in general. Either way I guess the plan I was considering is obviously the wrong way to go here.
     
  10. Stefanie

    Stefanie New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2011
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    VA
    In response to your edit, yes, it's definitely date rape. You don't have to be the one handing her the drinks to be the one consciously planning to try to get into the pants of someone who would not have sex with them sober. It sounds harsh, but it's completely true, and that is what you'd be doing. Do you want to be a rapist? I can almost guarantee you that when she recovers from her hangover that will be how she sees it, and legally, that situation falls well within the spectrum of rape.

    You yourself obviously think it's the wrong thing to do, and you don't want anyone else to do it to her, either, so why would you do it? Come on, you're better than that.

    The right thing to do is to talk to her beforehand. Or to talk to her friends about what's going on, and that there are people who want to take advantage of her. She obviously needs to drink a little less, and maybe this will be a wake-up call for her so she doesn't put herself in a situation like this.
     
  11. That1Dude

    That1Dude Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2011
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    These date rape posts basically blew my mind. I'm actually disgusted with myself now for even thinking about doing this but I'm glad I asked. It was way out of my nature in the first place and I hope you guys don't associate me with it from here. It was a mistake to even consider dropping to the standards of the other guys. I made myself sick on this one. Thanks for putting me back on path though.
     
  12. Trond

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,665
    Likes Received:
    387
    Gender:
    Male
    OK, I will give you a friendly tip, based on my own mistakes in life. First of all: How about just asking the girl for a date? You seem to be interested in her. If you are shy about asking, then send her a text message or something.

    It's also worth thinking about if you have been ignoring someone that could potentially be worth a shot. Back in high school, I was a bit uncertain about one girl's intentions, and she was sweet, but seemed a bit shy. I was also too preoccupied with another girl (with whom I would never get anywhere) to really take notice. Thinking back, I realize that the shy girl was definitely interested in me, and that I should have least gone on a date with her. It could have saved me a lot of heartache later.
     
  13. HardRocker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5,719
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    That1Dude, please tell us how old you are, and is she still a minor, or has she turned 18 yet?

    EDIT: I think, judging by your registration age, you are not in high school.
     
    #13 HardRocker, Feb 7, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2011
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.