Need opinions, please help

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by SamanthaJo, Jul 2, 2007.

  1. SamanthaJo

    SamanthaJo New Member

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    Hello everyone. I am not a virgin anymore, but I regret this quite a bit. I've been thinking about doing the whole renewed virgin thing so that I won't have sex anymore until I'm married. Guys, would this bother you? If you were dating a girl who was not a virgin but wanted to be abstinent, would you agree to this? Would you respect her the same as if she were a virgin? I would really appreciate some feedback on this. Thanks!
     
  2. Paula

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    hey samanthajo,

    what is important a guy loves you. Realy loves you without any conditions.

    For the matter do you ask he is a virgin?

    grtz
     
  3. cbrmale

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    I grew up in the seventies, and nobody was a virgin in those days... Seriously, Western society and the Christian religion has always had problems with sex, and the current push for abstinence and virginity is the conservatives trying to regain the ground lost during the time I grew up.

    Sex is sex. It can be meaningful, it can be fun, it can be spiritual and it can be the greatest pleasure known to humans. Many societies in the past and present encourage and enjoy sex without guilt or conflict, good luck to them. I don't want to talk you out of re-establishing virginity except to keep an open mind, because many who agree to this sort of thing end up changing their minds anyway.

    As for me, regardless of whether my partner was a virgin or not, I wouldn't continue a relationship with a woman who ruled out sharing intimacy with me. I never pressured anyone for sex, but if it didn't happen sooner or later I found an excuse to move on.
     
  4. GreyGoose

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    Forget what the guy think you do what makes you happy. I wouldnt mind. No need to tell him your not a virgin either.
     
  5. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    You can't hide your regret unless you lie to him, and this is no way to start a relationship. If you really love each other he should be ok with waiting until you feel comfortable. If you really love him and know for a fact you 2 will get married, have sex and enjoy it. Just my opinion.
     
  6. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    If i loved the female to bits then i would agree to pretty much anything...
    But i havnt been in that love situation for a long long time.
     
  7. Citralopram

    Citralopram New Member

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    I would have a problem with this. If youve lost your virginity theres really no way to go back. Isnt the whole point of waiting until marriage so you can lose your virginity to eachother? Men are men and theres are guys that would be willing to wait. Unfortunately its hard to find a guy with a sex drive that weak and you have to think to yourself, if he doesnt want sex now why will he once we are married? The important thing about sex to me is that it is with someone I love. Ive only had one sexual partner and we have been together for four years. This choice is yours alone and shouldnt be based on the popular vote. If you choose this path for yourself and follow it youll have accomplished something admirable.
     
  8. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Definitely be up front with your decision, whatever you choose. Honesty is very important in developing a long term relationship.

    If you feel you 'made mistakes' with your sexual activity, and now desire to abstain until marriage, there's nothing wrong with that. In today's open-sex society, it may be hard to find a guy that can handle that type of situation - but not impossible. When I met Thorn, I had made that commitment (after a rather sordid sexual past). Lucky for me, however, in that Thorn had made the same personal decision for himself. And even LUCKIER for both of us - we had a short courtship/engagement. We dated, got engaged, and were married within 5 months :lol

    (To be completely honest, though... a couple weeks before our wedding, we did succumb to fooling around once.... no "intercourse" - but.... :eyes )
     
  9. Richie38

    Richie38 New Member

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    Hi samanthajo,

    To be honest it would anoy the hell out of me if a girl was telling me to wait until after marriage because she was a "born again Virgin?".

    Its sort of like saying, well "you're the one i love, but not enough to sleep with you now, but their has been guys before you that i felt ok about sleeping with" - sort of a double standard?. The guy will think you must have felt more for the other guys than you do for him?

    If you lie about it then the guy is going to feel very decieved by you later and is certain to end the relationship and as pointed out a lie is not a good way to start a relationship anyway.

    Its a difficult one and some of the posters here obviously think that you could find that "special guy" that will wait for you in these circumstances but, i cant see it myself. You are either a virgin or your not and the main reason why some abstain before marriage is so that they are the first to experience sex together.

    If it is you dont like sex or dont want to engage in sex then thats fair enough but i cant see how your feelings would change the day after marriage than the day before? - so i dont think you shouldnt promise something you dont want to engage in?.

    I also think its only fair the guy should know that its companionship you want ideally and not a sexual relationship - Im sorry but the whole "born again virgin stuff" i just cant get my head round

    Richie
     
  10. Joe

    Joe
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    Yeah.... (Was that a trick question?)

    No....

    Yeah....

    Personally, I'd try not to get too serious about a gal without having a sexual relationship with her, and I'd certainly not marry until I was convinced we were sexually compatible.
     
  11. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    Personally i would not feel comfortable marrying someone that i hadn't had sex with but there are a lot of people out there that believe in abstaining until marriage.
    Can i ask why you want to wait and why you lost your virginity in the first place? These are questions i would need to understand the answer to if i were a male wanting to get into a relationship with you.
     
  12. SamanthaJo

    SamanthaJo New Member

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    I want to wait for a few different reasons. I had always wanted to remain a virgin, but I messed that up, obviously. I always thought that if I lost my virginity before marriage, that I would be ruined in a sense. Because I regret having sex, I've decided to stop in the hopes of feeling better about myself, to have that respect back. I also want to wait because I don't like the stress. It's so much easier when I don't have to worry about sex. I never have to wonder about getting pregnant or a disease. I lost my virginity in the first place because I thought I was in love, and my boyfriend at the time kept asking me about it. Eventually I gave in. I don't regret it because I'm no longer with him though. Only because I messed up what was supposed to only be for one person.
     
  13. mmmm

    mmmm New Member

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    I think its good that you want to wait till u get married, not because thats my religious view but because thats the only way you are 100% sure that your not going to contract some sort of STD or STI. Please ignore any other person that tells you that you can not change...anyways, any guy that does not respect your wish does not deserve you.
     
  14. camoman

    camoman New Member

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    You've probably found the right guy if he will wait.
     
  15. Malfie

    Malfie New Member

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    Respect anybody for any decision they make whether you agree with it or not. If you regret it, then do what you need to do to feel better, and if anyone gives you crap about it, ignore them.
     
  16. goofball123

    goofball123 New Member

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    Wouldn't matter to me really. If I cared about someone i wouldn't force them into anything, when you're ready to go at it thats cool with me, until then ill just use my hand lol. As long as you don't feel pressured, i hate it when i see stuff like that happening at the bar and such. "Lets fuck cause im horny" Pfff i say, sex is fun and all, but only if both people are enjoying it, I couldn't do it if the girl i was with wasn't into it.
     
  17. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Formerly, a man could 'sow his wild oats", but a woman was a "slut" - for committing the same 'offense'. Go figure!
    Times have changed, and I don't believe the majority of people gauge "respect" on sexual activity alone. It's more a matter of whether you follow your own convictions (whether male or female). It's more a matter of whether you have thought through your reasonings, made your commitments, and your decisions are based on what you believe and desire for yourself and your future.
    If you come across a guy who cannot, for whatever reason, accept the decisions YOU'VE made for YOURSELF, then that indicates a lack of respect for you.
     
  18. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    You don't say but if I met a girl mid 20s who was a virgin I'd have strong doubts about her. Either low sex drive, over religious or something.
     
  19. bryanedp9

    bryanedp9 Member

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    Hi, SamanthaJo! Been awhile... hasn't it?

    I think that it isn't a black or white situation... it's all grey.

    If you wanted to at the time, and you did, you shouldn't regret it. It was a building block in the building that you know as Samantha. It's a part of you. It's made you smarter, stronger, and a little more adapting to relationships.

    Love isn't neccessairly an infinite thing. Don't think you didn't love him then. You probably did, and you gave him your love in that manner.

    Sex can't be treated like a material thing. You can't say "oh, I have this building that I've made, and I'm saving it up for XXXX... oops... I gave it to the wrong guy... better build a new one!"

    It's not like that, to me, at least. It's something that everyone gets from you. Some get a lot of it, some get very little.

    I can't fully explain why, because, well... it's frikkin love! The most complicated thing around, aside from clocks on VCR's, but what I'm trying to say is...

    If you love someone, give it to them, however you'd like to present it. Sexually, materiallistically, mentally... just whatever.

    Hmm... I think I've got it.

    Say you waited, married a guy, lost your virginity, blah blah, then he dies.

    You remarry, and you have sex with this guy... should you feel like you've let down this new guy? Hell no! The last one was the last one, according to plan.

    Now if a guy dies, or the two of you just split up, it's no different.

    You loved them then, you showed it... don't regret that. You exercised your right, no... your responsibility, even, as a person, to express how you felt.

    Now if the guy who took the virginity was just in it for sex, well... that's his mistake, not your own, and if the future husband is pissed because you're not a virgin... whose problem do you think it is?

    If you have to ask, you may never know.
     
  20. Upirlichy666

    Upirlichy666 Member

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    not to ruffle the feathers of any femenist but it would serve no purpose...and it might discourage a guy to try dating you to know that you are a "renewed" virgin...now of course their are the ones that wont care and their will be the ones that wanna take that "renewed" virginity